When I was younger (preteen), I did not hate being female. Now that I'm a young adult, what I think of as "womanly" distresses me to a very large extent. I would like a flat chest and narrower hips. I want to be lean and not "soft". Pregnancy is high on my list of potentially traumatic experiences. These issues are significant enough that I have starved myself, weight-lifted, considered chest binding, dreamed about mastectomy, hysterectomy, and estrogen inhibitors, etc. I am content with my genitals and do not feel as if I want to be a man. The bottom line is that I do not want to be seen as a woman if more than abstractly. I do not want the assumptions and expectations of "woman" to be placed upon me; do not want people to look at me and think, "that's a woman" before they think, "that is a person". I especially do not want to be sexualized in an overtly feminine way. I have cried a lot about it. For those reasons and more, conventionally feminine clothing, colors, and behaviors feel unnatural, uncomfortable, and make me insecure. I feel more confident in casual male clothes. I am ambivalent about identifying as female on forms like the one on this forum, but there is some conflict there too. This is causing me a lot of ongoing stress. I don't want it to progress any further. Is this gender dysphoria (am I trans?) or is this something else, like a fear of growing up? Am I just a tomboy? Phase?
Hi, I can't help you with that, I wanted to say I'm going through something similar, but I'm a man. I'll join you in the wait for an answer!:lol:
I view myself as both male and female. I'm Pangender and encompass all gender roles. I myself am not fond of being addressed as a woman first. I too would prefer to have a flatter chest, a C size may not seem large, but in this world it gives me away and makes people address me as a woman first. I am not disgusted with my body nor do I hate it, nor do I really mind being a woman, only simply that I do not want to be addressed as woman and be seen as a woman. I'd like to be seen as what I am, unisex. Nor do I want to be a male either and change my body to be more of a man. If anything, my best explanation is if you ever saw a Ken doll. All though male. I don't want the six pack. But we can all agree he is flat and has very ambigous genitalia not associated with any man I know.
Could be. Although some people don't like recognizing this, there are other gender identies than male/female (man/woman). From your description, you sound like you might be agender (no gender) in that you don't feel like you are a woman, but don't feel you should be a man either. I personally feel more genderfluid. My body is most definitely male, but there are times when I feel less male than others, and even times when I get dysphoria to the point I want the male stuff gone and a more curvy figure...
It doesn't sound quite like trans, as a male body doesn't seem any more appealing to you as a whole. It sounds like you really want androgyny, especially from the idea that people see you as a person first before as a woman. It's possible that you're just tomboyish. Unfortunately, distinct genders are sort of how things are, with little familiarity with in-betweens. Perhaps you could be a trailblazer in your area though. It's ultimately up to you how you look, so on your own time at least, don't let anything get in your way.
Thanks so much for the replies, guys! All of you were really helpful. RSwordsman: I think that's great advice. I'm afraid of looking as I want because I already have relatives expressing disapproval ("I wish you would just be a girl already", "She thinks she's a man", etc) but it seems the only way I'll find any semblance of clarity is to go ahead and experiment with androgyny. Hearing encouragement from others helps me build up more courage.
Yeah it doesn't sound clear cut that you want to be the opposite gender. But neither. Experiment with andro for a while and see where it goes. Good luck
