Hi, I'm Arvy. I'm a female bodied person who has been struggling with gender for a while... Where to begin... (long story ahead) When I was little, all of my friends were boys and I remember wishing I was a boy and being convinced that I could become a boy if I wanted to. I HATED dresses and refused to wear them. I wanted really badly to be able to use the bathroom standing up, and once when my friends were playing outside in the sprinkler I went inside to get undressed, put some shorts on, and ran outside shirtless to play in the water with them. Because that's what boys do, right? But I was scolded for it. As I got into elementary school I was pressured to make friends with girls, and they were girly-girls. They liked talking about boys, and shopping, and makeup, and clothes, and stuff like that, and I remember being really uncomfortable and bored with it, like I was forcing myself to try to act girly around them so they'd like me. Eventually as I went through middle school and high school I gave up trying to be girly and just acted like a "neutral girl" until the last couple years of high school, when I decided to take control of who I want to be and start dressing and presenting how I liked. I'm in college now and have been called "sir" in public a few times, and I usually feel excited and uncomfortable at the same time. I came out to some of my friends as genderfluid because I felt like I should have been born male, but there's still a part of me inside that's female, so I guessed that I couldn't have been transgender. But now I'm wondering about that. My chest bothers me and I really wish more than anything that I could have a flat chest, and "down there" doesn't feel right, and I feel like it should be male parts instead. A lot of the signs make me feel like I could be transgendered, but I'm reluctant to accept it because I have never been completely comfortable being treated as a guy (being called "sir" and male pronouns and stuff). Has anyone experienced this? Do you guys think I could be transgender and just avoiding the issue by telling myself I'm genderfluid?
Arvy, my experience has been similar to yours. There was a time when I would have called myself transgender, and if I could have taken a magic pill to make my body completely male, I would have taken it. However, I realize now I am not fully comfortable with being all male. I am not sure if it is because I am simply not all male, I was raised to be a girl despite the way I felt, I am afraid of the social issues I would have as a transman, or because I am just ..eh... a very confused effeminate dude trapped in a woman's body. heh It's possible you are avoiding dealing with being trans by saying you are genderfluid, I suppose, or perhaps you really are just genderfluid. No one can tell you, but maybe a counselor could guide you to discover it for yourself. I have not figured out myself, but I think talking about it and experimenting with it in a safe environment can help- that's what I am trying.
Thank you very much! I'll try to do that. It makes me feel better to know that someone else feels similarly about it. I'll continue to do what makes me comfortable for now. Thank you!
What difference does that make? She can be gender fluid or gender queer or a-gender or transgender...and be attracted to men or women or both or none of the above. Don't have a thing to do with the experiences of gender issues. ---------- Post added 12th Jan 2013 at 12:56 AM ---------- Eh, I can't stand how them girly -girls are! Unfortunately even as recently as July I had some trying hard to force me to wear an immodest sexy dress, show tits, and get laid by a man in Vegas. YUCK. They hated me dressing male. I had not come out to them, one I have and we are not friends anymore. The other I still not told, but she saw me a few days ago joking I look like a weird man. I think I maybe transgender. I see things I will lose if I transition: can't wear old clothing I got that is very good quality, at reunions IF I GO I will not pass as Kathy, and I will not be able to hit the high notes singing...like doing boy parts, puberty takes that from all boys though. To me, there is more lost if I don't consider becoming fully male: no sex...I want to do it male only, no marriage or family...I have a big heart and would like to date and find someone to give my life to, keep being called Miss/Maam/she/her/girl/lady/WOMAN/female/daughter...which I can't stand anymore, not make buddies with men as another man but keep getting crushed on as if I were female...makes me feel very uneasy, can't stand and pee in the snow!! Cuz you know that is a deal breaker there! I don't know how old you are, but it is possible you may change to be more male or more female thinking in time, IDK. However, if it aint broke, don't fix it! If you are able to live with all your parts, do...but if you are beginning to think otherwise, maybe get to know other Transpeeps and see how much you experience same things. Maybe it can help?
I feel pretty much the same same way. I've always felt like I should have been born female, not super girly or anything but I don't know if I'm genderfluid or transgender. Like LouisKat said, I'm trusting in experimentation and therapy to help me better understand.
