1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Being trans, moving out and employmenty stuff.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by MusicIsLife, Jan 28, 2013.

  1. MusicIsLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    1,696
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montréal, QC
    Hey guys, it's been a while!

    So I've been having some conflicting issues in terms of coming out as trans, and I wanted to give you guys a brief rundown of what's going on, and I would really appreciate some feedback.

    I am set up with a local clinic that caters to the queer community, and I am on their waiting list for hormone therapy. I should be starting mid july-early august.

    Around the same time, I will be moving out, assuming I have all my ducks in a row financially speaking. If all goes to plan, I should have about 2000-3000 saved up by then. I almost feel obligated to move out asap come the summer because though my mom is trying her hardest to be supportive, it's not exactly working that well and I feel like it would be easier on my emotional stability if I was out on my own.

    As far as landlords go, I genuinely have no idea how to approach this. Do I email them and tell them outright that I'm trans, or tell them that I am male and go the stealth route? the problem with the latter approach is that I more or less pass--until I start talking. I have a very femme voice and even talking in a lower register it's pretty obvious that I was not born male. I'm not sure how to approach this.

    In terms of my jobs, I have two at the moment. One I have been at for five years, the other three months. The first job I genuinely love it there, and I intend to try and move up in the company if I can because I feel very passionate about it. The second I more or less hate and there's only one person there I genuinely like and I know that from casual conversations, he's not against trans issues, he just doesn't get it, which is fine by me.

    For the first job, about 3 out of 80 people know, just coworker friends, and they're perfectly fine with it, and one of them even properly genders me when we're not at work, which is totally amazing. My fear is the general manager of the store.

    He is a great guy, but very serious and like the macho italian type of guy. I was thinking of contacting HR before I tell him in july around when I start T, but I don't want him to feel like I've gone over his head or something. I just feel like telling someone you're trans is so much more unexpected than saying you're gay, because it's just so different on so many levels. Plus i'm not exactly like super buff or anything. I have a lot of interests and things that would be typically described as neutral or female (cooking, girly manga, emo music, etc) that i think makes it harder for some people to take me seriously.

    For the second job, though I hate it I also need it to get by, especially if I intend to move out. My fear here is that I don't exactly have a manager there. There is the owner and two/three "sort of managers" where they are doing managerial work but not exactly managers, if that makes sense. I don't know who I should talk to or how to approach it at all here, because it's a small business (the other job is a nation wide chain store) and I've heard of people being fired for asking for a raise--how will they react when I say I'm trans? For this, when it comes time to tell them, I am going to have CVs at the ready, just in case.

    Sorry for the word-vomit, I haven't been able to throw all my worries out there in a while. Any feedback or advice would be awesome.
     
  2. Deaf Not Blind

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WA DC
    Gender:
    Male
    is there a law you must come out or be a gender? I'm not sure America has laws that require telling landlord your gender. i think it maybe illegal to ask here?

    again in USA a boss who harasses you can be sued or canned! so do tell him in a private and simple way "oh and one more thing while i am bringing up things, i am transgender you know, so I will be on vacation july 14-26 and starting my testosterone therapy, FYI so you know I will be transitioning while on the job, and it should have no impact whatsoever on my work. :slight_smile:"

    Culture makes things that are neutral appear gendered. It is stupid. Cooks can be any gender.

    Again small businesses do have more rights in USA..idk Canada...to fire at will, but not discriminate. If they fire you for asking for time off, oh well...if for Queerness...check your legal rights now!