Isolated and Trans

I understand what you mean. I'm lucky in that I've made a lot of trans friends. When I'm not around them I feel so alone and worried though. Having to try to hide my breasts around my roommates and parents has turned me into a shut in. I never want to do anything. I've been depressed and had no motivation to do anything but sleep all day. Then when I'm around my trans friends... its like the only time I feel happy anymore. I can't imagine the struggle I would be going through if I didn't have such a well developed support system (*hug*)

Are there any support groups in your area? That's how I met most of my trans friends.

 

I also understand what you're talking about. Some of my friends got more distant too. I lost friends, nothing dramatic. We just sort of gradually stopped talking to each other. It was like they no longer knew what to say to me, but it was mutual.

Here's some honesty: transition changes you. Not just physically--if you're on hormones--but emotionally too. Your personality changes--to those around you--because you become more comfortable being yourself. Many trans people didn't realize how much of themselves they were holding back until they came out.

To those around you, this change can appear sudden, drastic. They start to wonder if you're even the same person that they knew anymore. Here's a bit more honesty: you're not. They got to know a version of you, but not the full picture. They accepted this shade as you. It wasn't you, though. It was you pretending to be something you're not. There's the problem.

Staying friends with someone who is trans entails getting to know them all over again. Not saying it's right or wrong, but it means re-investing themselves. Some people feel betrayed because we were basically lying to them. Others feel loss because the person they thought they knew wasn't real.

While it's true that our core personality remains the same, it's everything around it that makes us appear different. I became more confident, more silly, more outgoing, happier, cheerful; whereas, the old me was very withdrawn, rarely spoke, and never expressed herself. To a lot of people in my life, I pulled a 180 on them. I became someone completely new and foreign to them.

 

I would still go to the GLBT group, even if there no other trans are in it. Granted they will never completely understand how you feel; but many of my GLB friends have still dealt with the same issues of losing friends and family for coming out. And it helps to be able to just be yourself with a group of people who are more understanding of persecution and discrimination. Sure the trans barrier will always be there in some form, but I've noticed that it is not nearly as bad as when I'm trying to hang around with my straight friends.

 

I also need more trans people in my life, I feel like I'm alone in this. It's sites like this that help with my confidence and confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. I would love to have a group of trans friends that help support each other! You are DEFINITELY not alone in this! You can always talk to me about anything and everything!

 

You know, I have had a lot of great advice and support from the gay cis people in my life. They know what it's like having something to hide for years and years too.

 

I'm much in the same boat, OP. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me. That goes for anyone else feeling the same way.

 

To add onto this, going to the LGBT group may also allow you to network with people who actually do know some trans* people, even if they aren't trans* themselves.

 

I know what you mean, it's so hard to just walk into the building the first time. But they're all there for pretty much the same reasons, you know? And they get it being hard to open up to people right away too. It was hard for them their first time too.