Gender issue.

If you begin feeling distress, like part of your life is incorrect or you are missing something important, it may bear more examination. But if it's not a problem, I agree- just roll with it and enjoy.

 

I am as femme as femme gets but even I acknowledge the male and female sides of myself. I have a lot of male role models that I sometimes imagine myself as when approaching women. Like for instance I sometimes pretend I'm Marlon Brando or James Dean when I'm talking to women. It helps me boost my confidence. lol

 

bahahahah! you are too funny! Don't cut off the amazing penis no matter what!

---------- Post added 17th Feb 2013 at 05:33 PM ----------

me i tend to think male ways, and think of the women as THEY, and i get along with men and longed for decades to just hang out with them and have fun. If you go along in life and one day realize you think of yourself as female, and are more Cleopatra then Marc Antony, then you have a gender issue.

Otherwise you just a regular douchebag.

 

The only thing that makes a person's genitals "male" is if that person defines their genitals as male. There are lots of women in this world who have a penis and in no way consider it to be "male genitals". That is the kind of mentality that leads people like my brother to spew bullshit about how I'm not a woman until I have a vagina, even though I am already very much a woman and I in no way consider or refer to my genitals as masculine or male. This constant categorization of biological traits or functions and behavior as either male/female or masculine/feminine is an absurdity. A biological trait is not male or female or masculine or feminine (or any other sex or gender) unless a person ascribes such a label to that trait. Sex and gender are not in your DNA, they are in your perspective and views.

To add to that, who are you to say that a woman can't enjoy having genitals that they consider to be male? If they derive pleasure from the possession and use of those genitals, regardless of what labels they may use to describe them, in what way does that detract from their gender as women?

 

I agree with Dhamma. Being trans has little to do with genitals and everything to do with the person. There are trans women who have penises and are fine with them. Don't invalidate them. They're as much a woman as a post-op.

What really makes you trans is if you're a woman in a male body. Some people have difficulty with figuring this out. Don't make fun of the op if he really is having some gender issues. Also, op, stop thinking in terms of the gender binary because it's an illusion. Are you trans? Maybe, but if this only happened in a dream, I wouldn't worry about it; however, if it stuck out to you in a personal way it may be worth some introspection.

 

SupremeEmperor I've had the same fantasies and i was wondering about them so thanks for making this thread so i could read all it's replies.

 

My personal definition of a transsexual is someone who is physically altering their sexual characteristics. Saying someone is "a woman in a male body" leaves a lot of unanswered and unfalsifiable assumptions which are explained and defined in many ways by many different people. I am transsexual because I take hormones and because I am getting surgery to alter the appearance and function of certain parts of my biology associated with sex and gender. I am a woman because I say I am a woman. I agree with you though, it's a breath of fresh air hearing someone talking about the non-binary, I say "screw the spectrum!"

edit:
also, I am transsexual but I don't consider myself to be a woman trapped in a male body. I am a woman with a female body. Parts of my body are aversive to me because of their appearance and function and so I am undergoing medical assistance with altering those physical traits in order to alleviate the aversiveness to which I am frequently subjected. I put the Mtf tag next to my gender for the sole purpose of letting other transsexual girls know that I am a source of camaraderie and support, but I have never once EVER referred to myself as "mtf" in my day-to-day life. I am always a young woman, nothing more and nothing less.

 

i think of myself as a guy, but cumming out to others i sign in ASL transgender. This has led to naive friends who were asked by girls if i am a guy to correct them and say oh noo he is transgender born a female changing to male. i told such friend that is really unneeded, if a girl likes me and asks you if I'm a guy, say yes. let her ask me more details, transitioning is a prossses, not my gender identity. i don't become trans!

other girls gossip abt me back home and i was asked if it is true that i "want to become a transsexual" now how do i sin to Deaf women who are ignorant and gossipy that i had no intention of coming out to that that is so inaccurate? I just told her to not believe gossip of ex friends, question why she said it.

i do believe although I'm a guy in my mind, my body IS female. DNA says so...however everybody has estrogen and testosterone in various ants, and I want to supplement my T. Unlike one transman who told me I must hate my body, I don't. I think God gave it to me. However, just as I had skin graft surgery that altered my leg, and teeth extracted that were crowded and caused issues for me, I want to make my body better. Eating right, exercise, and T and some minor surgeries should help me build my body to where I want it to be. After it is done I will maybe think I have a man's body, but I know without meds I will a bit revert back because hormones secreted that way.

I don't ask to be in my current condition accepted into fraternities though I really wish I were asked to. I am requesting on my Costa Rica service trip in March I am NOT rooming with a female! I also said I am disabled but want to play on the men's soccer team while there as it is just for fun not serious. I don't mean to cause undo problems for them there, but I do know that country will not accept transgendered peeps at all, so I want to make sure they understand by accepting me for the trip I go only if treated equally to all cis-males. That is all.

Pray for my acceptance and for my T to start in 2013 please?

 

Suppose you had a birth mark. Something small on your hip or the back of your hand. Suppose you are a man, with a male gender identity, but with an xx chromosome structure. When you look at your birth mark do you say "my birthmark is female" or "my birthmark is male"? Probably not. What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter how you define the birth mark. There is nothing inherently male or female about the birth mark. It's just a part of your body and its maleness, femaleness, or otherwise is explicitly defined by you alone. Just because a doctor looked at your body, your chromosomes, your genitals at birth and said "this body is female, these chromosomes are female, these genitals are female" DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE. That is the doctor's opinion which is governed by learned social responses, and it is superseded by your own perspective regarding the sex of your body and its relationship to your gender.

 

i know you see it that way and need to, and others may choose to as well, i don't. I am logical: if it looks like a d*ck, quacks like a d*ck, it must be a d*ck.

So even though some transmen who are very famous porn stars and keep their clits and vaginas and even have sex with them..while body looks all the world manly...they maybe transgender but they are not fully men. Not to me! they are being fucked like a chick, that aint cis-gender male at all! I feel that is his choice, but he is not the same as a guy who either was born XY or even completed surgeries. It isn't fair, but it is harsh reality. If transwomen keep their dick and call it a clit it aint, you can call it an ice cream cone..but it is still a penis...and if they choose to fuck with it, there ya go. Women don't fuck with their dicks cuz they don't got one, a big sign of a gender difference.

I aint at all PC, don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings at all, but I am saying honest what I see and feel and think is more in line with what gender has been traditionally thought as since forever. It wouldn't make me not fall in love or marry a transwoman btw, but i would not see her as "completed" female unless she had a vagina. So I don't see myself with this thing on my chest and missing parts down below as equal to any cis-man at this point. That is why I got dysphoria.

 

The fact that each of you have found very separate but real and valid ways to accept and move on from dysphoria gives me some hope... I'm still quite new to discussing being trans 'in general', but it seems to me that it's an intensely personal and individual issue for everyone who experiences dysphoria. And by association that says to me that there must be just as many unique solutions... I don't have one of my own yet but I am rooting for both of you.

 

Feel free to write me anytime if you want to talk about your journey.

 

DNB even though I don't agree with you in a lot of places I think it's awesome that you're outspoken and have that "call a spade a spade" attitude. You see things the way you see 'em and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

But as far as sex goes, there's a lot of trans girls like myself who couldn't possibly afford the operation and aren't even far enough along yet to get the letter for hormones. That's even without life situations. And we know who we are on the inside. I honestly don't like using my penis the way you're talking about during sex much at all. I've heard from a lot of men in your shoes that they hate being penetrated vaginally. Many creative people find ways around this problem and have sex they can enjoy just fine. That sex in no way resembles fucking a girl for trans girls, or getting fucked for trans guys. And it can lead to the big O no problems.

Also there's the non binary people. I know you and I might have a difference of opinion here too but I feel like I can totally get how that would work. I mean I feel like I'm in a body that doesn't match who I am. But I have some idea what kind of body I should be in. They get the first part and not the second. I don't think they can get past their dysphoria the same way we can and that's gotta be hard.

I mean I definitely get what you're saying about not feeling as guy like as someone that's got a working dick and that sucks. I know how I felt when I read that thread about how trans women might eventually be able to give birth, and knowing I probably will never be able to. I'm gonna have dysphoria and little reminders that I'm not in a female body for years and years. But I think what they were saying is that you don't have to consider yourself a woman trying to be a guy. Like, if you were a ghost or something, and you could hop from one body to another, you'd be a guy in other people's bodies. I think it kinda helps to think that way, 'cause here on the internet we can kinda do that. All you see is what I tell you about myself. I could easily go register as a woman with a female avatar on another forum and that's my body.

I just wanna be able to do that IRL so that I can pay attention to whatever it is I'm doing all the time and stop all the exhausting acting. Yeah I would be thrilled if I could get my penis replaced with a working vagina. Day to day life would be so so much easier and less painful. Heck I could keep my between a and b cup boobs and I'd still be happy every day. But otherwise I've just got something in common with every other girl. We all hate the way our bodies look

 

DNB, considering there isn't yet a fully functioning surgery for the lower parts of FtMs, I don't really see you ever thinking someone like myself is a 'complete' man.
So let me ask you some questions:
Is a man who had his junk blown/torn/whatever off not a 'whole man'? Is he more or less a man than an FtM? Is a man with micropenis (clit-sized dick) not a man? Is -he- more or less a man than any FtM? What about the intersexed? Are they broken? Forced to live as a third sex? What are they defined as? Females with naturally large clits, some the size of normal penises? More or less female than MtFs?

Yeah, I get what you mean and all, but the emphasis on genitals is strange to me because I know first, second and third hand that genitals are not even close to always perfect. Neither are chromosomes. Neither are brains. We like to live in this fantasy world where there is black and white because shades of grey confuse and complicate, which is something we fear on a primal level. That's my theory, anyhow.

 

I wish I had enough money, I would pay it for you.
I wish that they could make insurance cover the cost, - copays and deductibles. Sounds fair to me, but the straights are in control, so yeah...need to work on em.
I appreciate your respecting me, how I see things my way and just say it. I think one of my pastors is very irritated at me for being so blunt to him on the hypocrisy of having terps on main campus, but not videoing it for all the services and sites and showing it captioned for HOH and deaf online, but having free downloads of the AUDIO for hearing online. He don't get it, got really sarcastic and rude to me, but is okay, I just jerk him around back. hehe!

I also have some empathy for girls like you, because when I was a teen I assumed I am female and had no option but to try to fit in, but my FACE had begun in puberty to take on MALE characteristics! So you know how that feels. To see all the pretty cheerleaders with the oval faces, narrow jaws and tiny noses and chins and rounded to flat foreheads with high shiny pink cheeks. They were adorable! I had the flat cheeks, the longer but not so narrow jaw and an ever widening brow ridge that really made me NOT pass for female. It hurts, I know! So I will always keep my female pix around me to remind me how transGIRLS feel...at that time if I had not known about transgender but did find out about feminizing faces, I would have wanted that! seriously.

I can't undy peeps wanting periods, or breasts, but I know girls like em for the most part, and they look really pretty under dresses, and really hot when you jump in them! I wish everybody could just have what they want, and we can't...cuz money or surgeries are just not good enough.

I do know in the Bible it says one day I will get in heaven a new body that will not be able to be destroyed by a car accident etc. Since God is good, it must be one I will love, and I do not know since no marriage in heaven IF there will even be a gender, or if it will be all male because male is so dominant in Bible, I just know I will NOT have dysphoria and I will be happy at last. Until then, I will do my best to serve others on earth and make it a better place with the body and personality I have here.

---------- Post added 18th Feb 2013 at 04:57 PM ----------

So you know, my cousin was intersexed. I am one of the weirdoes with the 2" clitoris and have masculinization in other features and I don't know why, I don't think it is intersexed though because it is not a penis. I have always figured #1, XX=female, so it was weird and wonderful to find out although I cannot change whatever my DNA says (Idk if it is XX) I can have more of the maleness I really need. But I can't have real testes, create sperm, and ejaculate semen to make a girl pregnant with my children.

Sure, girls who had cancer so parts of them are taken off felt not women some killed themselves, thus after enough of it finally insurance companies were forced to cover reconstructive surgeries. I do consider them women however, XX #1, and because they were women before the cancer surgery. Same for boys who had their penis cut off by some creep and it could not be resewn on. XY #1 and they were born with their penis.

My brain just has issues with middle, grey, not binary. It is human i think, cuz is true in so many things in life beyond gender or sex. To my mind, I find it hard to see me as fully male until it is finished, but I do feel male inside and I get happier and more contented the more masculine I am. Be aware however, tomboys look just as I do. They are girls. Difference is only my mind, and you can't see it with the eyes, God judge the heart so he may indeed see me as male. You may because you see how I write and say oh that is not very female sounding...but if you did not know me, and saw me on the street, 97 out of 100 hearing peeps guess instantly female.

I am just a realist. I mean no harm. But I think it would be wrong for me to just nod head and agree with others I like here when I don't see it that way.

 

Chromosomes don't always go binary. And I'm not talking just about intersexed, either. Here's a short article (more info on it can probably be googled) about a woman, who is XY, gave birth to a daughter, also XY. Fully functioning -female- reproductive system, yet her DNA is 'male'. Things like this are why I couldn't give a crap less about DNA. It ALSO is not the end-all, be-all that people claim it is, clearly.

People just want to have one desperate thing to hold onto that cannot be challenged by the binary (not you, of course, you seem like you are far more open minded than the people I'm talking about) so that they can feel empowered by keeping other people down, and yet in every way, there is something out there that occurs within nature that challenges it.

Even human experience is challenged by chomosomes, though.
So since we've already covered that even 'normal' chromosomes can mess up, I think personal experience is another thing people cling onto. "They always were fe/male because they were raised as fe/male".
Well, what about this particular person (xxy) who, while born male and even having a child on the way via his wife, was stung by a bee and had his endocrine system 'rebooted' which basically caused him to slowly turn female. S/he then decided to transition because she always felt more female than male anyhow. So it was a blessing in disguise for her.

What if the polar opposite were true? Say, a woman who reached puberty and suddenly developed as a man instead but was horrified by it? Well, that also has happened. A girl who did not feel male hit puberty only to discover her ovaries were really internal testicles. She started growing body/facial hair, her voice dropped, etc. Is she more male or more female? Female because of her clearly defined vagina, or male because of her chromosomes and testicles?

I don't think you mean any harm- rather, considering you also are transgender, I think you have internal dysphoria that the binary system has instilled in you as well as other people who may or may not also be trans. What I've mentioned are just things that challenge the binary and try to get people to think about what it really is that defines us as male, female, or a variety of other.

What I'm saying is if we look at these people as complete men and women despite what their biology really says, only because -nature- did it... what is that saying about us? If you don't, then carry on, I suppose.:lol: