Sometimes I've developed a strong emotional connection with a male friend, to the point that the next logical step would be romance--if only I weren't a guy. I hate it when that happens. Many times I've run the whole scenario in my head, where things would go so perfectly. But the fact remains that my very good and nice and kind and sweet friend always happens to be straight. At those moments I greatly envy women. I've never really disliked my male body; I just accept it's the one I was born with, and it does well the things it's capable of doing. No complaints on that front. (Institutionalized sexism, on the other hand, does men lots of harm besides the harm it inflicts on women, but that's another discussion.) Let's just say I don't dislike my maleness. But with my close male friends my feelings begin to waver. There's a specific kind of man that makes me wish I were a woman. We can get to understand each other and get along so well that nothing should prevent love from emerging. Alas, they cannot close their eyes and forget I'm a man. Not that I'd ever ask them to; I already know they're too straight to even try. Those are the moments when being a guy really sucks.
If you were born with a typically female body then chances are you may have had a harder time developing the same kinds of friendships you have now with the men with whom you wish to be intimate. It's a catch 22. A lot of straight men (for the sake of complete generalization) have a hard time connecting with women in a friendly or intellectual way than they do with their guy friends. The sexual attraction straight men feel towards women usually mucks things up a bit.
Oh, I definitely know that feeling. (*hug*) And I love my body and I love being male. However, I have a very androgynous, slightly feminine, personality and demeanor, so I have gotten a lot of "Oh, if only you were female" vibes from a lot of my straight male friends in general(Not that I liked them all of course). I've had many attracted to me, but not attracted to me. Meaning we could connect on a level that is noticeably different than most of their male friends, this is even expressed in their own words. And I'm sure if I just wanted to have one middle of the night-sleazy-hookup with them I could probably convince or seduce them in that way, but I could never be that "special person" in their life. They would never fall in love with me, ultimately because of my gender, and when it is with someone that you have feelings for it can hurt.
Be glad they don't see you as female. Straight guys treat females much diffrent than gay males treat other gay males. I strongly project female vibes, or female sex pheremones and sex regularly goes through non gay guys minds around me. If I told you some of the things I have been through with guys you would think me crazy or a lier. Just ask a few experienced female friends about their experience with stalkers, sad puppydogs who turn mean once hearing NO, and all the other crazy ways guys act when they catch a scent they want. Expecially a masc straight man who views himself "in charge" or "the man". Ask about crazy ex husbands/ boyfriends who never will go away. Not all are off the wall, there are degrees of what I call "the fever". I have not found yet a straight man who can handle FWB or just sex without a desaster following. Quite often they view you as their property which is not always a bad thing untill you say no. So enjoy being gay if you are, and the attention of other gay men if you are lucky enough to get it. I have often thought that the attentive somewhat softer, understanding nature of gay men is why women like them so much. They are a safe zone so to speak. It is only human nature to want what you can't have. June
Well, honestly I respect your experiences, but I have found there to be a good number of crazy, obsessive, etc men on both sides. I think the difference is that woman are physically and societally in an assumed state of submission and weakness in comparison to men. It is much easier to try to facilitate that position of control in a woman, than in another man, physically and psychologically. However, I have found these situation to happen just as often to many non-masculine gay men. (Myself included)
I have no experience with gay men. I have never been able to get one intrested in me. I only can go on what I have heard about them and seen from a distance. I have had some wonderfull men in my life and my share of crazys too. I don't mean to say all straight men are off the wall, just they treat women much diffrent than guys. Like the 2nd poster says sexaul attraction mucks things up when it comes to friendship. My experience has been friendship ends when their pants come off, or when they want them off. I have never had both as of yet and the OP wants both. My current man is straight and we have a great relationship, but as man and woman. Yes I am his friend, but in a diffrent way than his male friends, it is hard to describe. We did not start as male friends who grew close and added sex. June
Would you mind clarifying? Do you identify as male, then why aren't gay guys interested in you? Sorry for random question, just curious.
I will try to explain what I can. I identify as female, but look and act male still. I don't really understand why I am diffrent. My theory is I put off female sex pheremones in addition I have super soft creamy white skin even my hands, and soft hair, fem bone structure to my face too. I must project as a woman because 9 out of 10 men who are attracted to women get attracted to me. Quite often in public I get approached by males wanting to know what scent I am wearing. I can not use any scented products at all or it turns sweet and I end up smelling like a French whore. That is due my natrual body chemistry. It usuailly starts when a guy is near me for a short time and it just happens, neither knows why, but he is turned on. Some times he is direct, other times he is suddenly everywhere I go, or even at my door. Or he pushes to be friends, just feels the need to be near me. If I told you how often this happens or I get hit on, you would think me a lier. What is worse is if one gets obsessed and that has happened way too often for comfort. Now gay guys are repelled by my presence. I can always pick gay guys out, they are the ones who look at me with daggers in their eyes, or just plain dont want to be around me. For most of my life I thought straight meant straight to bed, and they thought the old stereotype he has one so he will suck it better than her. Was the reason I would get so many hits. I thought I was gay and all gay guys got treated like me. I even wondered if I had a sign on my forehead "sucks dick well". This Jan I found out about trans people and I am one. I also thought all gay guys were shallow and I obvously must be not good looking enough to be dated by one. I am 40 and have never been with one yet, and only 2 bi guys. Now last year when I was single for a while I used internet dating and fineally talked with some gay men by phone. They liked to talk to me(one guy like 10 hours at a time for weeks all night long sometimes),liked my my pics, then we would meet and it was no right away on their part. The last one I was talking to told me I was trans(we never met due to I got involved + he is not attracted to trans people). I have a pic on my profile. Am I ugly? For new years eve I went to 2 gay bars for the first time in years and in the 8 hours I was out not one gay man would talk to me. I don't understand it. My current BF is 205 pounds of tough redneck with a exwife 3 kids and 3 previous serious GFs. He has never been attracted to a guy before me. He says I am special. He, like all of my ex's, loves me completely and tells me I am the best woman he has ever met and how lucky he is to have me. I really feel the same way this time. We are soulmates. Around me he melts like butter in private. Guys tend to be protective of me like I can't take care of myself. I often feel like a posession in a relationship. It is just normal for me and I am fine with it. I really am just a housewife at heart. Men seem to always refer to me as she, her, etc automaticly. So they view me as a woman for sure. Do you get treated the same? Or am I some sort of freak? My sister calls me the golden child, because everyone loves me, in public, even family. I was always the favorite on both sides of the family and that was out of a lot of kids. I try my best to be a good Christian, and to be the best person I can be. That is all I do. Like my looks, I am nothing special really IMO. Oh I am a carbon copy of my mom and do have her bubbly personality I am told by dad. Once she put a pic of both of us at 16yo side by side and we had the same hair leangth, combed the same and not on pourpose. We could have been identicle twins. So had I been in the right body, I would have been a barbie like her. FYI everyone loves her too and men treat her the same as me. That is the best I can explain it. June
