Heyy, so I'm Alison, I'm 15, and a freshman in high school. I'm transgender, male to female, and completely closeted and pre transition. I REALLY want to just come out to some people, and just get the ball rolling ASAP. I have only two people who I could trust to tell, but I just don't know how to bring it up. And I'm definitely not questioning, I know this is what I want. Ever since I was little, I had inexplicable fantasies about being a girl, and even pretended I was one at times. When I was 8 I saw breast forms in some store in a mall somewhere, and decided one day, I would buy them, grow out my hair and live out the rest of my days as a woman. It wasn't until I was 12 that I put it all together and realized "hey I AM a girl inside". I learned to surpress it, and keep it away from people's attention, including my own, until dysphoria hit HARD last June. Since them, i've been having insane bouts of shame, anger and depression. A few friends know I'm depressed, but they don't know why. A big reason I want to transition is so I can stop faking who I am. I don't purposely put on a persona, but I try to be "not me" and that person that I pretend to be is not someone I like, and not someone many other people like either. I just wanna be myself. Dammit my mind wandered alot there XP if anyone has any advice on coming out to my friends, it would be much appreciated
I am female to male, 15 and am a sophomore. Honestly, I have only told one of my friends and I'm not really planning to tell more. At least not right now. I cut my hair short to be more male, and whenever I go out outside of school I pass as male. I am going on a foreign exchange program after senior year, and I am going to pass during that year, and then hopefully fully transition in college. I feel that I is really hard to transition in the middle of something like school, and might not be the best idea because people are so judgmental and mean. I would, if you wanted to tell your friends, wait until a serious time, and explain it to them. The best way is to be blunt and make sure they understand.
The only thing is, I really just wanna get things over ASAP, so I can finally be comfortable with myself.
Coming out in high school is rough-- that's not to say you shouldn't do it, just that you should consider it carefully. Some things to think about: Am I out to my parents? How will they react if they find out second-hand? Can I trust the people I am coming out to? How will I need to educate them so that they can better understand and help my situation? Am I safe in school if I come out? What is my worst-case scenario? What will I do if it happens? Is there an LGBT professional or sympathetic counselor at the school? Of course, I realize this focuses on the negatives... Coming out to your friends can also bring great benefits, like helping with depression, understanding, acceptance of the real you, and opportunities to pass in a safe environment. I focus on the questions because I came out in high school, and within two weeks everyone knew I was trans and from then until I graduated high school was even more hellish. Even if your friends are trying to be supportive, accidental outing can and does happen-- they're training themselves to use a new name and pronouns, after all, and they might slip up in public.
Reading your post reminded me of when I was younger. I would say Eli has sound advise. I love to hear you want to fix your situaition so young. I wish I had the option when I was 15 to get it fixed. It would have saved me years of internal torment. Good Luck! June
Thanks everyone I was only planning on telling two people for now. One of them is bisexual, and very open minded, and even has a few trans friends from her summer camp. The other is a good friend of mine, who I hope won't judge. I'm waiting to tell my parents until I have confirmation from someone else that I have a safe place to go if things go awry, because my dadade an offhand comment about how if I was trams or gay he'd kick me out (which is odd coming from a guy who played Frank N. Furter in a high school stage production of Rocky Horror, and had long purple hair).
Hey, congrats on wanting to come out! :icon_bigg With my parents and friends I asked what their fears were when I came out. The biggest one was that I was going to turn into a completely different person. As if showing my true self would mean they'd lose their child and friend to some stranger who did totally different hobbies. When you do come out reassure them that you will still be the same person, just in a different body. Every personality trait and quirk that makes you unique will still be intact. But you must also let them know that there are things that will change, such as pronouns and how you dress. People are mostly afraid of the unknown; so you have to do your best to quell the unknown when you do come out. After you come out expect your parents and some friends to "mourn the loss of their son/friend". And sadly you will lose a few friends over coming out as they won't be able to handle "the new you". It sucks, but it is one of the negative aspects in coming out. Also, be prepared for a lot of questions. The most common are "do you really want this", "can't you just be a guy?" and invasive questions regarding your genitalia. Oh, and expect to have some straight people think you're just gay. :eusa_doh: Why this is, I have no idea. Coming out takes a lot of stress off of your shoulders though. And from the sounds of it you're more than ready to cast off "boy mode". Good luck in coming out!
Better now than never, I wish I had known about transition when I was your age. Trust me when I say that things get so so so so so so so much better.
Same here! By the time I'm fully transitioned I'll be in my early 30's. Having to fix stuff this late in the game is so danged expensive and painful. :tears:
