Being Gay is Awful

I go through periods of hating being gay and being proud of it. right now im in the same boat as you. it sucks for all the reasons you said... and then some... i want a boyfriend really bad, but im not out of the closet and it would just be unhealthy to have a hidden relationship, it'd eventually crumble cause the relationship is built on hidding. i understand coming out is an option but that's just a shit load of added stress in my life and i feel like i should fix other problems in my life before worrying about a bf... and that's a bit of a catch twenty two, straight ppl can have their partners help them through life, being a closeted gay man, i feel like i have no one...yes i have family and a therapist but that can only get u so far

trust me, im in the same boat as you at this point in my life and ill be waiting to hear better and more helpful responses than me just reassuring negative feelings....but its how i feel, and i guess my only help to you is to say that youre not alone

 

I hate it too.

 

l totally agree. Not about your specific issues, l mean we're at different places in life lol. But generally, yes.

lf l were "more gay" l would go with my natural orientation, otherwise it seems like sacrificing so much for a reward that l'm not sure l understand the significance of anymore.

 

Cut this shit out. I care a lot about you, because you're in the family, which is why I'm telling you to cut it out. It's hard. I know that. We're treated like shit. We're isolated. But... By being attracted to other men, we're able to date people who are similarly socialized. We already get what it's like to be men, because we are men. That's something straight people don't have.

Alcohol is not the answer. You need a real solution, which is dealing with this.

 

It sounds like you're hanging out with the wrong people. Not that they're not great people, but that you feel left out.

I'm getting the idea from you saying that you don't have anything in common with the "typical" out and proud gay guy or gay culture that you may be a "masculine" gay guy who feels like a fish in the wrong pond?

I'm assuming here, but this is what I'm getting.
- You feel you don't fit in with the straight guys in your frat because they're all interested in girls. They're great friends and you get along very well and otherwise everything would be "perfect" with life, but you're totally left out in the one thing that seems to power many college guy's constant motivation for living, eating, sleeping, and getting up in the morning...girls. You fit with them, but in the most important way, you're left out.
- You feel that you don't mesh well with gay guys and gay culture because while the sexual interest is the same, the "straight guy" hobbies, demeanor, lifestyle etc. is somewhat left out, or at least may seem like it is.
- You feel that if you were just straight, everything would be just right for hanging out and spending most of your time with your straight frat guy friends,..and it might be, except you're not straight, so you view the "gayness" as ruining what otherwise would feel right and happy.

All of that is assumption. If my assumption is right, my advice is to find gay guys who are like you in their demeanor, interests, etc. It may be hard to find them because they fly under the radar more easily, but I know they're out there. Find them and hang out with them and you will begin to feel more satisfied. It won't be such a tug and pull of "these are great friends and I love them, but I feel so left out and disconnected." At the same time, with your frat friends, keep hanging out with them but don't go to straight bars with them and parties where their goal is to pick up girls. That's like going to a restaurant that everyone loves except you're allergic to the food, can't eat, and therefore can't have a good time. It sounds like you just need to find your niche in the gay community, some great friends where you feel you fit. This has nothing to do with acceptance, you know you're gay, but in finding friends you feel you mesh with who hold the same orientation. I would view it like being at a new school. It may take time to find the right inner circle so you don't feel like you're constantly in the wrong pond.

 

Lets put some prospective on this, if you lived in Somaliland where being Gay is Illegal & if you are found to be having Same-sex sexual activity then the Penalty is expulsion from the country, prison - up to life, in various regions and districts or the death penalty, the civilised world has come along way in accepting Gay peoples rights, you are comparing being Gay with being Straight, of course a Straight Guy will talk about going with girls, if you was with a Gay Guy he would talk about going with Guys, your problem is not having a Gay friend, you say you have nothing in common with other Gay men & the Gay scene, how do you know, have you tried it? Gay people in Somaliland & other countries where being Gay is forbidden, would give their right arm to be in your position, you have the power to make being Gay a positive thing & to stop finding negative things to high light & to get on with your life

 

Rockin' answer =)

 

I'm gonna say this is in the nicest way possible...as someone who comes from a family of fire and brimstone and disownment and "faggot" this and "fairy" that, can you PLEASE take advantage of your advantageous family situation? Please?

Because I would fucking cut off a leg to know that my parents didn't care that I was gay.

I feel for you on this one man. I have no interest in clubs and meat markets or any of the other "fringe" elements of gay party culture. I'm not politically active in the gay rights movement.

I just would like to go pick up milk and eggs in tandem with my boyfriend without getting an eat shit look from the locals. Don't think it's much to ask.

 

I couldn't agree more. I have a couple really good friends, but some days I just cant take it. Constantly feeling like an outsider. I'd rather be by myself. I cant even so much as watch a movie with them without having to hear how bad one of them wants to bang this girl, or how awesome that chicks tits are, etc. I don't tell them how hot every guy in the movie is!(mostly because i don't find people physically attractive in general) I refuse to go out to bars with anybody because, again, it's either a couples thing, or my single friends trying to get laid. And then to hear my friends whine about being single and lonely! They don't know the first thing about loneliness. When you feel alienated from every single living person you come into contact with, now thats loneliness, and thats the story of my life. I feel less lonely when i'm actually alone. I guess one positive is that I've grown to like my own company.

 

OP, I have days like this too. Today is definitely one of them. I'm new to my area and I'm having a pretty hard time meeting gay women. Tonight I went out to a gay-friendly bar where the majority of patrons were gay women with an all women's band featured and got hit on by a straight guy all night. He wouldn't keep his hands off me although I repeatedly told him to cut it out. I left and went home feeling violated. I sat at the bar by myself for almost an hour before he showed up. Some women looked but no one really approached me although I was trying to keep an open demeanor; maybe it's because I'm feminine they thought I was straight. I get mistaken for being straight all the time. Being gay and not fitting into societal or even gay stereotypes is a difficult position to be in. I'm sure it gets better but I'm feeling really discouraged right now.

 

I used to be like this, but then I met someone. That's all it took. I met a great guy, and I loved the feeling it gave me. Being gay just didn't seem like an issue to me anymore. I remember watching a few of those "it gets better" videos and most of them I did watch stated that they were ashamed and hating of their sexuality right up until they fell for someone, and then it all just went away, because for those brief moments (at least for me) I was happy and sexuality didn't even phase me.

I'm happy to say the feeling has lasted. I don't know if you could say I'm completely accepting of it, but the prospect of meeting a nice guy in the future really excites me.

The only thing I can really advise is just give it time. And if you're a gay guy who feels out of place when your many straight friends talk about sex, then it sounds like you could do with meeting a few people more like you. I have plenty of straight friends, though I can't say we've ever sat in a circle and discussed our sex lives... However, if they did it wouldn't bother me because I'm comfortable with my sexuality, and they're comfortable with my sexuality. In fact, I was having a one to one with a friend about relationships. He's straight and was telling me about a girl he was seeing, and I told him about the guy I was seeing. It wasn't awkward and he seemed generally interested, so perhaps you don't have to feel like an alien among your straight friends? I do occasionally if it involves things like sport which I loathe, or when they start being really boyish and jumping and shouting everywhere like 5 year olds, but they're my friends in the end.

 

Be out and be proud, don't let society drag you under. If you do that, you are letting the society win.

 

I agree with a lot of the things thinthinline said above.

Someone please tell me, What is wrong with any of you being gay? Not in your family, or social circle, or society; What is wrong with you being gay? Absolutely nothing. Yet so many of us allow ourselfs to sulk and stew in our own suffering because we dont hold up to the standards society. We can blame the world for knocking us down, but we cannot blame it for us not getting back up.

Some of our lives have dark beginnings. Sometimes for our sexuality, or possibly for the plethora of other struggles we could be struck with on this earth. But these years in life can fly by, especially as we get older. You get one life. This is it, as far as we can definitively know. I cant be the only one to see the significance in that. The importance of not letting all of this frivolity get in the way of you being able to reach contentment in your life. If not, whats even the point?

People seemed to be drawn to ideas like "Its just not that easy. If your life is shitty at the moment, you cant just fix it." And of course, at times, in some cases, its true. But I feel that if you are discontent and loathful of where your life is, what are we so concerned about losing? If you are less happy with your friends and those around you than you are by yourself. Why are you still with them? If your environment is bringing you down, why are you still there?

You're friends should make you happy. You're family should make you happy. You're career and you're path in life should make you happy. If we are of those blessed enough to have all of these things tossed into our hands from the start, wonderful. If not, tough luck? But this is not your burden to bear. You have a right to be upset if you arent satisfied with your life, but how many years are you going to let pass before you decide to do something about it.

Its convenient if we believe that all other gay guys and gay culture are all 'typical', and nothing like us. Its convenient if we believe that we cant get new friends or move or leave our environments. Its convenient if we believe that we cant be happy because of our sexuality. Plenty do it every day, but if we convince ourself that we cant, it gives us an excuse not to try. Personally, I believe that all of us are stronger than that.

 

You are tops man! :eusa_clap

 

I agree. It makes everything moe difficult. And it's causing me more stress than anything ever before. I hate it, and if offered a pill or a way to be straight, I would in a heartbeat. This is no life...this is more like hiding in a dark corner in your own personal prison.

 

Hello,

This is simply YOUR life experience and reaction to it. And you have to admit it is arrogant, selfish and naive to apply it to the whole gay community.

Lets face it... Holding this opinion does not make you any Rosa Parks.

I am not being negative below. It is just how I see it.

Rather than taking or making positive steps you are wallowing in in your own negativity and making yourself miserable. You have to look up from the open cesspool, see there is a sun shining over your head and make moves towards happiness.

Maybe that will mean changing where you look for gay relationships.

Maybe it will mean counselling.

Maybe it will mean mean moving to a gay friendly area.

Maybe it will mean giving up negative people.

Maybe it will mean moving away from the excitement of shallow hook ups towards a deeper, richer type of relationship.

Number one... If you are trying to make others happy (society) you will always dance to their tune. This makes you a puppet to their will. Their tune, their will is NOT your tune NOT your will and this WILL make you miserable.

One thing is clear; you need to change your approach to life for this one is making you miserable.

I would bet there are a few hundred people here who would love to sit with you, support you, point out the house on the hill and lead you to it, but you need to be open to it.

Have you watched the movie "What Dreams May Come"? It appears you have created your hell using your assets to lock yourself in. You have to dig yourself out or seek help to tear down your own hell.

There is something better but you need to seek it. If you have tried and failed try something new. Find help. No one person has all the answers.

You can do it .

Stuck

 

being gay is superior to being straight & always will be

 

Gordilocks - I'm very interested that you say that. Why do you think that is? At this point, I'd give my left arm to be straight, but it ain't gonna happen

 

XD Somaliland sounds like a Somalian pirate based theme park. Sorry if that was a tad racist.