Over the past year I've been starting to wonder about my gender identity more than ever. I always did think about it, but I dismissed it because it was always too much of a hassle, besides that I was told by my mother that it was just because it would've been easier for me to be a boy. Honestly, I can't and don't believe that anymore. I've been struggling with my gender identity for a few months now, not sure whether I am genderqueer or transgender. But honestly, I know one thing: I sure as hell am not a girl. Either I am fully a guy in between the ears, or I'm mostly a guy in there, but I'm not a girl. I acknowledge I have my feminine traits, but doesn't every guy have at least something that's considered girly about them? Most guys I know do. On top of this, I've tried talking to my father about all this, but instead of being supportive, he avoided saying anything about transgender people whatsoever and called genderqueer people "messed up in the head". I don't know where to go anymore because no one anywhere near me knows anything about this kind of stuff. I want to figure this out and I want to know what I can do about my physical being. Which brings me to my next point: I'm not exactly super excited to get treatment. It's a huge hassle, or at least it looks like it is. I don't know if all of that is really worth it. But besides that, I know one thing very well: I'm not happy with my chest whatsoever. Ever since I started getting growth there at the beginning of puberty, I've disliked it. I used to simply take off my shirt when I was a kid and it was hot outside and I was doing something sporty. I don't have that liberty anymore because 1: people will complain and 2: I don't want to see myself because I dislike my chest. Besides that, my chest size is considered large, so I don't even know to what extend I can get surgery without leaving huge scars. So in conclusion: if I were to get surgery, it'd be top surgery and perhaps some treatment with testosterone, but I don't think I'll get bottom surgery. The thing is... I'm 17, turning 18 in May, and I'm already fed up with this. I have no idea what to do anymore. I've considered binding my chest, and I have tried, but, without proper equipment, that won't work. And I can only get proper equipment if I talk to my parents and honestly, I don't know if I even want to do that after how my dad reacted last time I brought the subject up. So... what should I do? Anyone have any consoling words? Is it really that much of a hassle?
Hey. I'm in the same situation as you, and have no idea what to do either :/ But I posted about some stuff and got a few replies from awesome people which might help you too? It's a bit different stuff, but hopefully it will help http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...entity-support/86782-ftm-going-full-time.html The thing I love about sites like this is not feeling alone. Remember that it might take time for them to come round, but they will get there eventually and be OK with stuff. If you're not used to something then it can really freak you out.
Hi I've been questionning my gender for just over half a year and have come to the conclusion that I am either FtM or genderqueer, but definitely not a girl. How your dad reacted is not good, does he understand what genderqueer is and what the difference between gender and biological sex is? If not try leaving some information somewhere he will find it. He is does know you probably won't be able to do much to change his opinion. As to surgery, I will probably only have top surgury because I don't see much need for bottom surugry and binding is too much of a hassel to live with. I will have hormones as well. I would much rather not have surgury but untill there is some method of getting a flat chest without it there is no other choice. If you want to buy a binder without talking to your parents, prehaps you could get a friend to buy it and pay them back or just get it sent to their house so your parents don't get nosy when you recieve a parcel. I hope some of that helps. Transistioning really is alot of hassle but if you have people who will support you it gets easier.
Have you talked to anyone else about this other than your parents? Is there a teacher or a counsellor at school who you could speak to? What about your family doctor? Do you have a family friend or relative that you think would be supportive? Because I do think it is important that you have some kind of support for you. I can also imagine that if this is already really bothering you, it isn't likely to get any better. So having some kind of a plan would likely make you feel better - even if there wasn't anything to do immediately. What you must understand is that you ARE NOT messed up in the head. This is a well understood situation that you are living with. What you are feeling is real - because you are feeling it. And those feelings are legitimate because they are yours. Your parents might just not understand - because they've had the luxury of growing up straight in a straight world - and have not had to contend with gender issues like you are. So it is going to take time and education to bring them around. Provide them with literature and information - that might help. Hope some of this helped.
Whoa there, sassy! :lol: I know it's hard advice, but I think you're the only one who can figure it out.
Sorry. I got frustrated because I reached out to you guys on here because nothing else was working, and then I got no response, I felt really helpless. Anyway, thanks... Not sure how things will turn out, but for now I'll try talking to my psychologist and just waiting and seeing how I feel about things I guess.
Hope all goes well. I came out to my Mum just now, and she's had a really weird reaction to it too :/ Thinks it's rash for me to feel like this because she didn't see this coming. I'm sure both her and your family will come round to it eventually. *hugs*
