Is this dysphoria?

Responding with a very broad answer, the way I see it personally and thinking intuitively from what I can see and feel, if you're attracted to both sexes, then you are bisexual. If your gender identity is non-conforming, that's it: It just depends on the intensity and frequency of it. I'm not a scientist of any sort, but it definitely 'feels' true. Hopefully some day we'll discover the secret to our brains. ^_^ Letting it go or hiding from it will be your decision to make.

I know that isn't the most solid answer, but it's really the best that I can do. v_v

 

Figuring yourself out can be a very confusing process. Just remember that gender is not as binary as society would lead you to believe. An important thing to remember is that gender expression, gender identity, sexual preference, and personal hobbies are totally separate things from each other (which can lead to even more confusion). From what you have stated though it sounds like you are a Transgender F2M. Passing as your true self gives you a rush of validation; people are seeing you for who you are on the inside and not stereotyping you on your outward physical appearance. The fact that your passing made you feel that great is a strong indicator to me.

Gender Dysphoria is the general feeling that your outside body does not match who you are on the inside. When people treat you as the wrong gender you feel a sense that something just doesn't click. This can range from being called the wrong pronoun to how people naturally interact with you. It also applies to when you're just expected to do or act a certain way based upon your physical appearance. Society condemns a guy wearing a dress or anything feminine, so a transgender M2F may feel this sense of entrapment in being forced to dress as what society dictates a guy wears. Dysphoria also has various levels of intensity depending on the person and circumstances. Some people might feel intense hatred for their bodies, while others are more tolerant of what nature gave them. Some people can go into the wrong bathroom, while others feel very uncomfortable to the point that they only go to the bathroom in private. Just remember that Dysphoria does not have to be intense clear across the board for you to be Transgendered.

The first thing you need to decide is who you are in your heart. Don't look at what others are telling you or weigh your hobbies and life up to this point in a "is this male enough?" manner. You have natural instincts and feelings that are repressed by what society has dictated you to be. Look deep inside of yourself for the answer. Do you want to live the rest of your life the way you are? Are you holding back your own happiness because of fear or to make other people happy? Remember that you only have one life to live. Do not let fear of the unknown hold you back from being yourself. If you want to talk about it more I'd be happy to help. ^_^

 

No. One of the hallmarks of dysphoria is getting stabbing emotional pain when people call you by your birth sex.

Yes. If you're a non-conforming female you may want to bind now and then...

...but you probably won't want to think about permanent, potentially risky surgery unless you're considering transitioning in some way, shape, or form and they absolutely must go.

No. That's something else entirely.

The core question you need to ask yourself is if you ever feel happy in feminine roles or being seen as a girl. If generally, you do not, then you're a candidate for therapy and should absolutely consider it. But if you're okay in either roles, you're simply a non-conforming female, and you should feel free to take your "masculine" days, as if they were a style that fit you best for that day. Dress and bind however you need to to achieve that look.

In the end though, the two are different things, and making the distinction (by level of dysphoria) is important.

 

You sound non-conforming. I'm non-conforming, and I don't mind when people call me by male or female pronouns. Most days I dress masculine, but I'm not out about nonconforming at all. I have occasionally dressed a bit more feminine and it did feel more natural. There are days when I do everything I can to hide the bulge. There are days when I feel that it shouldn't be there at all. I have even googled ways to have it removed, but realize that that's not gonna happen unless there is some other reason for it to, because there are just as many days that I'd feel something was missing. Welcome to the middle of the gender spectrum.

 

In order to know for certain, you most probably need counseling. However, many true transgenders learn that they are really trans at a very early age and there's no question about it. I say, enjoy your role playing and when you're certain about your direction, go full speed ahead...

Good Luck!

 

Without trying to make assumptions about your gender you sound at least non binary to me. I'm transitioning and I doubt myself constantly. It's pretty typical.

 

Not trying to kiss but here but wow. I would so take a million words to say the same thing and not do it half as well.

OP, I've been reading a webcomic for a while and it's helped me. It's Misfile if you want to read it yourself, but the gist of it is a teenage boy wakes up in a female body in a world where he was born a girl. It's for supernatural reasons but he ends up basically transgendered FtM, because he's got all his old memories. And the comic does a REALLY good job IMO explaining what dysphoria is, as well as some of the ways that help dealing with it.