Well hello EC! Some strange happenings have been, well, happening to me lately. I keep having these moments where i'll feel like I might some sort of non-conforming gender (more masculine), and i'll start getting sort of depressed about it and, then, WHAM an hour later i'll think "wait, why was I even questioning my gender? I feel like a girl!" I don't get it. As far as I know, i've never experienced gender-dysphoria. I'm not gonna lie, my boobs are pretty great :icon_wink and I don't have a problem with any other regions. I don't mind when people call me by girl pronouns. Lately, though, i've been feeling depressed about the whole gender-thing and it's gotten to the point where I don't know how I feel about my "special places"...or anything really. I'll get these flashes of restless and I won't really know who I am. It makes my skin crawl. I've tried to imagine myself as a guy, but it is difficult. Even so, sometimes it sort of makes me excited in an emotional way (as opposed to a sexual way). I should also mention I've had the occasional urge to crossdress. And these strange events keep happening to me where i'll just be going through life and I'll see a group of guys talking and i'll get a pang of.. longing? Almost like I wish I could talk with other people in an uncomplicated, unfettered way like them. I'm not saying that girls can't, but the communication seems different somehow. The other day I was walking past the men's department in the store, and I started feeling depressed and confused again. Weeks ago, I was forced to wear a dress, and I honestly hated it. I felt intensely like I wasn't me whilst at the dance. I wished I could wear something suit-like instead. And, yes, I know not all girls like dresses, but it still confuses me. I just keep running into all these little events that keep building up... There have been some strange events in my childhood as well, although i'm not sure if they really mean anything. I'm the youngest child. I have two older brothers and i've always idolized them to an extent. I remember distinctly this moment when we (my brothers and I) were running through a lake, they would take off their shirts and I was quite bothered by the fact that I had to keep mine on. Now, granted, I didn't really understand the physical differences yet... One time, I remember wishing I could be a boy, so that I could fit in with them. Again, this is probably just my younger-self trying to feel accepted. I was always the sensitive kid who never really felt adequate, especially when comparing myself to my siblings. But I figured I'd mention this just in case. I also have never been like other girls (I know, cliche right?) Most of my friends were girls and it seemed natural that they were, but I always hated playing dress up, with dolls, or anything that required the typical girly stuff. I didn't really get the excitement of trying on dresses, or walking in heels, or playing with makeup. I much preferred legos and action figures I know that a lot of girls are "tomboys", so this may not mean anything either. In short: Do I feel like a man? Not exactly. At least, not the manly type of man. Do I feel like a woman? Sometimes... but then, what really constitutes a "woman" after all? I've just always been boyish. And it was always something I was happy and comfortable about . I always liked that I was different in this way, but now.. i don't know. So, yeah, my thoughts are all jumbled in this post, but if you have magical clarifying conclusions please help a girl (?) out! And, you know, just some advice would be cool too.
One thing that's helpful to remember is that gender is more than just what you want your body and genitals to be. You don't need to have body dysphoria to be non-cis, even though it's the clearest indicator that you aren't. Gender also exists in the norms we follow, in the characteristics our society assigns to the ideas of "male" and "female". Not everyone thinks of it that way, though; for some people, it does come down to just what you want your body to look like, and anything else is just tomboyishness/flamboyancy. What that means for you is that whether you think your affinity for masculine things is a sign of you being genderqueer or just that you're a tomboy ultimately comes down to how you define gender. If your definition of gender includes the norms we're expected to follow because we're male or female, then you might be more comfortable calling yourself some shade of non-binary*. If you define gender just as whether you'd feel most comfortable in a male or female body, then you might be more comfortable calling yourself a tomboy. Ultimately, what it comes down to is which label is more comfortable for you. As for advice, I think you'd find it very helpful to try experimenting with your gender presentation and your relationship with gender norms a bit. Look for guys you can befriend who will treat you like "one of the guys"; they're definitely out there, and I know several social circles around here that have one or two women in them that are definitely treated almost identically to how the guys are treated. Start wearing more masculine clothing if that's what you want to do. Heck, if you're feeling bold, wear a suit for formal occasions! Women can totally rock a suit; Janelle Monáe is a great example of that fact. By playing around with your presentation, you'll not only probably feel more comfortable in your own skin, but you'll also get a better idea of your relationship with your gender, which can help you decide whether you want to identify as non-binary or not. If you want to talk more about experimenting with gender, feel free to PM me; I might have done it from the other side of the binary, but I'm sure I could give give you some good advice regardless. *"Non-binary" has a similar meaning to the world "genderqueer". I just like "non-binary" more because it feels more inclusive. The word "genderqueer" to me suggests that you do have a gender of some kind; it's just not male or female. And there's no room for agender and neutrois people in that definition. That's why I like "non-binary": it literally means that you just aren't part of the gender binary, and is thus, by definition, inclusive of everyone who doesn't identify as exclusively male or exclusively female.
It sounds to me like you might be gender fluid. While you are comfortable in your own skin the limitations of your gender can become bothersome and irritating at times. If you ever have an urge to just be a guy for awhile try binding and dress up like one. You don't have to be stuck in what society deems acceptable for your physical gender. And you are correct in that guys naturally talk differently to girls than they do with other guys. I have talked to guys while in "boy mode" and clocked completely with a guy who really thought I was a girl. How people will interact with you is largely based on your gender.
I like what Owen said. I don't have any answers, but I can relate to what you wrote. Lately I've started to feel uncomfortable when people address me like a woman (honey, dear, etc), but I can't tell if it's related to gender identity or to the fact that it's really kind of condescending. I've also never related to our cultural narratives about being female; then again, that could just be a matter of disliking the sexism inherent in most of them. I've even thought I was male a few times...but I was also dissociating somewhat badly when it happened. I've basically been doing what Owen suggested and have tried playing around with my gender presentation. I've discovered that while I can like how I look when I dress feminine, I'm really more comfortable in butch or gender-neutral styles. It's helped me realize that I do, in fact, have a gender, and that it's probably female-of-center. Don't know if that helps at all, but I figure it's nice knowing that there are people who can relate.
Thanks for the advice I think i'm going to try playing around with gender styles and crossdressing and such. It's good to know i'm not alone. I'm feeling a little breathless right now, honestly ^^ Anyway if anybody has anything to add feel free! Btw, Janelle Monáe looks amazing I think i'll have to try that.. ;P
You sound like me. A whole lot, actually. Except female pronouns sometimes irritate me for some reason, and I'm not very feminine.. and I prefer not to be. And I don't particularly care for my body much (as in my boobs and curvy physique) but I don't deal with dysmorphia, but I do enjoy "crossdressing" and being mistaken for male. I treat it like the best compliment you can give me. I don't really have much advice to offer because I was questioning the same thing, but I really appreciate and agree with Owen's answer/advice.
I was going to write something along the lines of society creating roles for men and women and that it alters our perception of gender but Owen wrote what I was going to say really nicely ---------- Post added 23rd Mar 2013 at 11:16 AM ---------- Also, since we've talked a few times, do you think because you've accepted your sexuality (mostly) that now your mind needs something else to obsess with?
It's funny you mention that. I think that is the case. My mind has been going crazy, wanting to fixate on all sorts of things. I think I may have a touch of OCD because it's been ridiculous. Anyway, since this post, i'm pretty positive i'm a (boyish) girl... who finds herself wanting to cross-dress at least once in her lifetime. haha
The thing is you could just be biologically female who doesn't fit the norms of how females should act or dress. Ignore those silly stereotypes. *You seem comfortable in your body and your gender and the way you are perceived as a female so I wouldn't stress about it much. I'm not an expert on gender issues however I do know that you suffer from anxiety and like you said slight OCD. This could be just that. The best thing to do is not fight it, accept it as you could want to be a male or you might not be and see which one feels more natural when you are in a calmer state of mind
Hi! I can really identify to the OP. I've always really wanted to be "one of the guys", not a guy, I just wanted to be a part of the way they interact, which seems to be different from the way all my girl friends interact with each other. Most of my friends have always been guys, but it is hard to find a group of guys (especially teenagers :rolle who are respectful, and will treat me like one of them, not like a girl that's trying too hard to get a boyfriend. Anyways, about six months ago I started presenting myself in a more masculine way. I started wearing button up flannel shirts, jeans with a belt (although I wore jeans almost all the time anyways), and just generally more masculine clothes. I even shaved my head in November. I am so much more comfortable like this. I love it. I don't want to be a man, and I don't have a problem with my body, but I do love it when checkers at the grocery store call me "sir" (I hate it when people call me "dear" or "sweetie" or "honey" though, usually just because it seems so condescending) or when people think I'm a boy. That being said, really, I've thought about it a lot, and I'm pretty sure it's just that I don't want to be what women are supposed to be. I don't want to be have long hair and be girly and perfect and show off my boobs all the time, I want to be myself, and that apparently means dressing (sort of) like a dude. I'm just sick of stereotypes, so I ignore them....or try to at least.
I'm going through the exact same thing right now. It began in December, all these thoughts of being trans* and such. I saw a counsellor and that made me feel kinda better. But since then I've gone through waves of anxiety and general ups and downs. It seems I have dysphoria of possibly being GD. Haha, it's not being Gender Dysphoric, it's being worried about being Gender Dysphoric . I honestly feel good about having a penis and such. I like my hair short, and I don't feel uncomfortable in guys clothing. However I do love fancy clothing from previous centuries and wouldn't mind wearing those kind of clothes. My feelings concern my exterior presentation (more along the lines of the definition of gender) rather than my genitals and actual sex. Anyways, I'm going through these weird ups and downs and anxiety phases. One week I'm totally like "I'm very much a guy. I don't really care for cross-dressing" etc.. But then some days I'm freaking out and putting 'I'm transgendered' into the search bar just to test out my emotional response. Kinda ridiculous It also causes me to distrust my genitals and be all like "Do I even like you!?" Reading this makes me realize there are people who are going through my exact dilemma and it makes me feel soooo much better!
