I have been out as gay for a few months but It's not really gay. I have excepted the fact the I am transgendered, but I don't know what to do next. I have been living secretly as Ashley or Ashes for 2 years and I told a few friends I was gay just so I could talk about men without any crazy suspicion. I knew since I was a child that I was not supposed to be a boy, in fact Ashley was what my mom was going to name her little girl she was expecting when I was born. I don't know what to do, I am tired of hiding, and I'm so lonely going through this on my own. I really want to pursue a full reassignment, but I don't know know what steps to take. Any advice?:help:
My advice is to find a gender specialist and let them know how you feel. Do not go to a run-of-the-mill therapist who lists Transgendered on a laundry list of skills. Chances are they will be of little help and waste your time and money. A general rule is that if a therapist says anything about needing to "prove yourself" or "decide before allowing you" to transition they are a quack. A true therapist will help you on your journey, not control it. Therapists use what is called the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care to judge if you are Trans* or not. It is a general set of rules that dictates if you are "Trans*" enough for hormones. Some of the requirements focuses on level of gender dysphoria and discomfort in your physical body, identity as your inner gender, past experiences (such as cross-dressing), how "out" your are, and your knowledge on what a Transgender really is. You will also be asked what you desire from taking estrogen. There will also be questions about how stable your life is with your family and financially. My advice is to study and come up with convincing answers. Do not show any signs of doubt. The more confidence you have the better your chances will be. There are some big issues to avoid as well. If you have tried suicide at any point in your life do not bring it up. In fact, lie and say you never have. If they find out you even thought about suicide you will be automatically rejected. Also, make your life sound as if it is going great. A therapist will require that you sort through any major issues before you are allowed to start hormones. What's goofy is that many issues like depression, loneliness, and anxiety are caused by being in the wrong body. Remember that hormones will fix a lot of those issues; so there is no point in trying to fix problems that will go away when you start taking the hormones. There are other things you can do that will help your chances in getting hormones. If you have chest or facial hair start electrolysis. Another great way to help your cause is to get your name legally changed. This proves how serious you are in transitioning to them. Also, lay out a plan of what you are going to achieve in the near future and how you are going to achieve it. Showing a therapist that you have a financial map and timeline for what you wish to achieve in transitioning will most likely impress them. It is a lot of work but hormones is totally worth it. You will feel a thousand times better and start to develop the correct body. Good luck!
First of all I have to ask, were you expected to be a girl? I was as well. I didn't have an ultrasound but based on heartbeat and other factors I was predicted to be female. The only time my heartbeat was within the male range was the night of my birth. Anyhoo, as mentioned about I do think receiving some sort of therapy would be a good first step. There are ways around it, but most doctors will want you to have a letter of approval from a therapist, which usually requires at least a 3 month assessment. I do know friends who have received prescriptions without psychologist approval, but its rare and I would recommend you get the therapy even so. I was able to get free therapy at my university. If you are in college you might want to look into that or other resources that may be available. If this is not an option then you should look into what your health insurance does and doesn't cover in regards to therapy. I would also strongly recommend looking up and support groups that may be in your area. I started attending a couple and I honestly don't think I'd be transitioning today if I hadn't. Meeting other trans people has been so empowering and helpful to me. I would also do research on medical professionals in your area and what your insurance does/doesn't cover. If you have a doctor that is well experienced with treating trans patients they may be able to help you out in that department. For example, my insurance isn't supposed to cover drugs to treat Gender Dysphoria, but instead since in his eyes I am female and am way off of the typical female hormones range, he writes that the drugs are for a "hormone imbalance," meaning that the drugs are covered by my insurance. I have heard he has over 60 trans patients. Also its good to do your research before meeting with your doctor or therapist. Knowing that you understand the risks and benefits means that they trust you to make your own decision. If you come across like you aren't informed and haven't taken the time to look things up, chances are you won't come off as serious about transition. Best of luck and feel free to message me if you have any more questions (*hug*)
Yes I was expected to be a girl. I remember when my mom explained to me that I was a boy and couldn't be a girl. I cried and begged her to fix me. Funny how at 5 or 6 years old, I knew what the adult me was too afraid to admit. I remember my uncle teaching me to throw a baseball and when I threw crazy I would laugh with my hand over my face, and he would say, "Get your hand away from your face, you want people to think you're a girl." The whole time I was standing there wanting to say, "yes, I want to be a girl." That family already hates me, so screw em, I'm not worrying about them anymore, I'm doing this for me. I took the advice and found a therapist that specializes in gender identity, he isn't exactly in my area, but where I am, this type of support is hard to find. Now, I am new to this, but I thought you could buy hormones OTC. In fact many websites sell "hormones for transition". I was looking for a therapist to help me through the change, not for hormones. Anyway, thank you so much.
That's ok. I didn't know if you were one of those people who were frustrated to the point of wanting hormones to feel better. As for buying hormones; they are very tricky to manage, require a lot of knowledge, and will ultimately hurt your transition in the end. Trans* people who self medicate long term run a high risk of stroke and blood-pressure problems. Too high of a dosage just makes you sick, while too low will give you no results. You have to have an expert test to see what your base Testosterone and Estrogen levels are so they can give you the safest dosage. You also have to take a blocker to stop your body from naturally producing testosterone. Even if you somehow manage to pull off dosing yourself correctly there will be no record of you receiving the hormones from a proper physician. Thus you will have severely crippled your chances of getting SRS down the road. Websites that sells hormones are just snake-oil salesmen preying on a desperate Trans* person. If your therapist is not a jerk/gatekeeper they will properly manage the hormone process once your evaluation is complete.
Frustrated is too weak of a word, but I find ways to manage. Thanks for the info, and yeah, I was a little afraid buying hormones online would end up as snake-oil. Thank you again, I cannot begin to express how helpful this has been. It is nice to know I'm not alone. I am ready to make a change, but I want to do it the right way that doesn't involve hurting me in the long run. I just wish I knew someone locally, but I don't know where to start. We have one gay bar here, that's worth anything. I am afraid to go there because I am a recovering alcoholic and drug abuser. I spent years getting wasted so I wouldn't feel the pain of not being who I feel I was meant to be. Now I am not afraid to be me, and I'm ready to take control instead of hide who I really am.
A gay bar might be a good place to go and drink, but I don't think it'll be the key to finding the support you need. Have you looked any further into that therapist that specializes in gender issues? Even if you can't meet regularly with them, they should be able to point you in the direction of other resources if you ask.
Hi there girlfriend! I say, try to locate a transgender club or association in your area. If there is an LGBT center near you anywhere, they should be able to assist you in locating such an association for the purpose of emotional support. Of course, for proper psychological support, a therapist would be more advisable. Just remember...You are NOT alone! Also, I wouldn't advise going to any gay bars considering your past experience with chemicals. I also wouldn't advise using any OTC feminizing hormones or silicone either.
I can't give much advice, but looking back I can see all the clues. I was into sports when I was younger, and I always "threw like a girl" and liked it when my dad told me. I used to stuff things down my shirt and everything lol. You're not alone, and I know how much it hurts. All I can say, follow your heart.
