Learning about feminism is what helped me overcome my misogyny and be able to accept myself as trans. It is very important to me to continue to protect the idea that men and women are equal in all ways, and to stand up against injustice committed against women and men through harmful social constructs and gender stereotypes. However, it is difficult for my mind to transition on this topic, as I am a man, but I have been raised and treated like a woman for all of my life. Right now, as I have only begun to transition, I still feel as though I have the right to speak for women even if I do not identify as one, if only because of the role I have played in society for all these years. But in the future, I hope to pass full time as a man, at which time I would no longer be able to be "the female voice" in a conversation, or discuss things from a woman's point of view. This too, seems somewhat off. I do not lose my responsibility to advocate gender equality as I transition to the more socially privileged gender. Yet it seems I will lose the ability to discuss firsthand experience, which can be a powerful tool. It was only after accepting that I am not only a man (which has always been clear to me), but that I was born and raised a woman and have a developed female identity, that I was able to fully embrace that I am a female-to-male-trans person, and this is the most accurate label for myself (rather than 'female' or 'male' alone). I want to be a great man, which includes standing up for the oppressed and lending strength to the weak. But I am unsure if being a strong man means I have to stifle or ignore the experiences I've had while living as a girl and woman. I have experienced sexism my entire life and I can't manufacture a 'cis male' childhood for myself. But I also want to move on, cease having to out myself and face that stress and backlash, and live completely as a man and not a woman. It's confusing to me and I don't know where to look for resources on this issue. I know that trans women experience such harsh consequences for being 'visible' to the bigots of our society, but to me it seems like trans men are invisible, and it's that much harder for me to find guidance in my transition. I want to fight for my trans sisters as well, but right now I need more trans men's presence in my life- especially those who think of men and women as equals. Thanks for reading. -wandering
It was queerness that brought me to feminism in the first place. I don't think that your transition makes you less able to talk about these issues. I'll have something more insightful to say after my run, but your thoughts are important.
Beautiful words; they reflect my thoughts too. I simply have never quite been able to articulate them this clearly. I have always felt that men and women are and should be equals in society; that similar actions should bring similar consequences no matter what gender you are. I also strongly feel that social pressure goes both ways and that helping women more than helping men is a strong form of discrimination, like pretending that women are the weak gender thus need help more. I'm not sure how I relate about that gender identity thing though. Like you, I can't reclaim my childhood as a boy as I should have had, and I'm in the beginning of a long fight to be recognized socially and legally as the man that I am. My life experience as a woman doesn't ring anything good to me at all, and that makes my identity as a trans man something like a sore spot I'd rather be able to get rid of. I'd much rather go really fast through transition and be done with it; no real pride in being a trans man here. What happens is that what I've lived so far is very valuable nonetheless and I appreciate that. It's just that what I judge has most value in my closeted past is the stuff that is genderless. As far as the wish to speak for women (as a woman) and/or for women's rights, well it doesn't reach me that much. I certainly never felt inclined to speak as a woman but I have spoken for women's rights. If anything, being a man speaking for women has me more listened to thus has more effect (like a white person speaking for black people's rights, or a hunter speaking for animal's rights, or a young person speaking for elder's rights...) than it had when I presented myself as a woman. As far as resources goes for trans men, I really see what you mean. They aren't really out there; you need to dig them out. Ask around you, look for organisms and such. Chances are you're going to find resources for trans* people but getting involved in those will get you in touch with other trans men. That and the internet!
I believe that men and women should be equal in every way. You give some excellent insights onto the role trans men in the world of feminist policy that I honestly hadn't considered before. I know that none of us like our lives that come before our transition process, but I honestly think that we have those experiences for this reason. We trans people can be a voice for BOTH genders, because we've experienced both sides, though obviously one side was painful and hard for us. Trans people are honestly like a living symbol for equality (trans men especially), because we become the other gender after already having lived as one, showing that there really are no barriers between us. It's simply how we express ourselves. The thing is we don't chose our sex or our gender. I didn't get to chose whether I wanted to be born a boy or a girl or whether I wanted to be comfortable in that role. I DO get to choose the type of woman that I am though, and I admit I fall under the more stereotypical role of a woman, but I still believe in equality, and I think it's voices like ours that really get to speak for what equality is.
Thank you for your replies. What hangs me up is that I don't assume I can speak for all trans men, just like I can't speak for cis men, for trans women, or cis women. I can't speak for all gay men or straight women. I can't speak for all hispanic or white people, for all Americans, etc. I can only speak for myself and be fully confident in what I myself have experienced. But the majority of my life experience has been as what society has seen and treated like a woman, and I have been subject to those expectations. It seems like my only option if I don't want to continually out myself and have my identity, body, and thoughts called into question, is to dump all of my gendered experiences from the past and attempt to be a blank or empty slate. It just seems like a waste, even if those times were unpleasant and I have fought long and hard to forget them. It is only by accepting and digging them up that I have gained a better understanding of myself and my dysphoria. And I have grown to be an adult by living my life- not by popping flawlessly into existence last year.
I understand that really well. It took a lot of digging through memories I'd rather just forget for me to finally realize that what I was feeling wasn't just a new thing; that I'd been feeling it all along and was just now able to handle it. I don't think we should leave our past behind though. It's important to who we are as a person. I'm only a good, understanding, disciplined person because my parents taught me to be that way. I can't just leave that behind because I associate it with the feeling of being male. I have to realize that that is a part of who I am. Am I likely to discuss it of my own free will? No. But if I feel evoked to talk about it; of course I will. As for not speaking for other groups... Sometimes the best people who speak for a group, speak for themselves. Because if you don't know how to speak for yourself then you can't very well speak out for others. That's why they say one voice can make a difference. Like a choir all those voices ring with the same intonation; they're many that create one. We all have the power to speak with that one voice. It's all a matter of whether or not we believe we do.
So, here are my thoughts... Please understand that I'm not well-versed on the language, so I might say the wrong thing, but I like to think I'm more educated on trans* issues than the average bear, so please take what I say with the assumption of good faith (even if I'm a blundering idiot). It seems like what you're discussing is the tension between the fact that you are a man and you are not always seen as one, and in order to be an advocate for feminism, you end up having to remind the world of your being trans*. I first want to say that I actually think being trans* probably gives a person the best possible perspective on gender oppression anyway. Female-bodied trans* people get it because they are femaled-bodied, and trans* people of any body are categorized against their will and suffer the highest rates of violence known to the queer family. So you do have that visceral knowledge that separates the academic feminist from the feminist with lived experiences. I think it's also different from cisgender feminist knowledge. Cisgender women feminists have been very exclusive of trans* people of any body, and that's very unfortunate, and even though I'm a dude, I am highly critical of that. Cisgender and transgender people have a different relationship to privilege and gendered violence, and I feel like the cisgender feminist community is only just now beginning to appreciate that. Cisgender women are used to being told they are inferior for being women. Transgender people of any gender are used to being completely invalidated. So I would actually argue they have a stronger negative relationship to the system of gendered oppression--that is, heteropatriarchy. Another point I want to make is that men can be feminists. (It's still being debated whether men should consider themselves feminists or allies, but I'll continue calling myself a feminist until woman-identified feminists decide the question for themselves.) Men, especially queer men, have a lot at stake in the feminist movement. One of the problems we have is that because of male privilege, women are more weary of us hurting them sexually and emotionally, so it becomes harder for us to develop connections with them as friends and partners. And that sucks. But, it's a problem that we caused ourselves, and only we can solve it. There are of course many other examples, but I don't want to burden the thread with them. I just think that that a) when you do have the energy to be out as trans, trans voices are much needed in feminist movements, and most importantly, b) men can, should, and must participate.
I'm really flattered as a woman that a man understands our predicament. I know it must be soooo difficult being born as a woman when you are a man, but it seems like you have allowed this experience to strengthen you. You know what it's like to walk in a girl's shoes and you know it isn't easy to be a woman. This is something some guys don't understand. I have to deal with sexual harassment so often that I've kind of gotten used to it. Many guys don't understand that women have to be afraid most of the time and that they always have to be on their guard. Now I identify as a fully female born female but I have a lot of respect for my guy friends and I'm passionate about their rights as well. It was very confusing for me to identify the feelings I had for people when questioning my sexuality. I realized that even though I have no feelings for men I still admire them and want them to be a part of my life. Don't know if the situation is similar but I find that I want to support and love my guy friends even though I don't want to date them.
I truly appreciate all of your replies. I swing between knowing the obvious truth that men must be feminists for anything to change, and therefore I shouldn't be held back in any way from pursuing justice, and being conflicted anyway. What you said pinned down exactly what is causing me to mull over this, Pret. I do think that being a gay man (of low to average machismo) raised and treated as a woman, I have a truly exhausting history of observing gender from a number of angles. These observations have been made without the kind of legitimate scientific or statistical information that others may have, but as first hand experience, I can at least be sure of its honesty and how it has affected me. Unfortunately, I know that as I come out as trans, any step I take towards admitting femininity or female-ness will cause a landslide of doubt and questioning from others. If I am not pursuing a stereotypically macho male presentation and thoroughly erasing everything feminine about myself, I know that it will be a long time before most people can even entertain the idea that this female bodied person is not just a particularly annoying or crazy woman. That's hard for me to stomach, but if I can someday pass and not have to deal with it, it will be worth it to me. I am still so ignorant to how trans men in particular are treated by society. Outside of my recent studies of gender dysphoria and transition, I have seen almost no examples of trans men in media or in the news (the few 'crossdressing women'- not even trans men, mind you- I have seen are usually, "She is hiding her appearance, but is revealed by the end and returns to female life" or, "This person is killed for their deception"). And because I know very well (from others' accounts, and my own experiences) how male strangers will almost always be seen as a potential threat until they prove themselves otherwise, stepping out of women's trust and into that outsider position does get to me. I have been a sister, and a best friend to many wonderful young women. Although I always regarded myself subconsciously as a brother and male friend, I was able to have a different relationship with women than I think I will be able to have in the future. There is a bond between girls and women that rarely exists between women and men. That's a little sad to me, because I want all of the women in my life to know I am their ally and looking out for them, just like before. I know that by being recognized as male by the world, I will be gaining a plethora of privileges I didn't have before. But there are also many things I must sacrifice. Sorry for rambling. Thank you for reading so much and for your thoughtful replies. I'm very grateful. -wandering
Studies have shown that people are more likely to believe things from people that are more similar to them. With those experiences under your belt, what you say to other men might hold more gravity than any woman could say to them. If anything, being a trans man makes you the best person to tell misogynistic men how things are. You've got that power and it's probably going to help you, despite past pains.
I hope so, and I am keenly aware of how people are more likely to dismiss or villainize female feminists, while a male feminist will often be held up and made a kind of hero by both sexes. I'm not pleased about that but I am aware of it and I will do my damndest to continue to listen to the stories of women, people of color, the disabled, and gender/sexual minorities. If I do get the privilege to be a respected mouthpiece to others at some point in my life I hope to use that power wisely. That's putting the cart before the horse at this point, though. I still have so much to do and it's going to be a long time before I can take up that role. Thanks for your reply, Danica I'm glad I could vent this issue here. Thank you all for your help.
