"You're not really trans*"

I heard a lot of stuff about them never suspecting and some of the things you said. It really hurt. For me I have shit parents and I was starting to realize it so I decided to set boundries and not talk to them or answer calls from them. I kind of needed to for my own sanity and it was easier with my family history, but if you're still at home you could try to find some way of maintaining boundries about what gets discussed or how often you speak about something if you think it might help.

 

I've had this happened before. I told a family member and they went through a list like,

"I think you feel like a boy because it's the greater sex or because you think it's better."
"There's this girl at work and sometimes, you forget you're talking to a girl because she acts like a guy so much. With you, I know you're a girl because you aren't like guyish."

That was the moment I decided to A) not come out to my side of the family, and B) disregard everything that he said.

You don't have to be manly to be a man, and it has nothing to do with the greater or better one out of the two(Or multiple) genders. People that don't care about knowing the real me I try not to keep in touch with. But I understand that you might not be able to leave or turn them away. Maybe you can try to sit them down and explain what gender means to you and how much it hurts and upsets you that they can't support or accept one of the biggest decisions in your life.

 

If it makes you angry to be told you are not trans, then I think that is evidence in its own that you are. Being cis is much easier. Most cis people who worry about being trans rejoice to be told that they don't seem trans and they are overall gender conforming. It is a strange kind of joy to love being told that I "seem trans," but I revel in it all the same.

As to how to get them to understand, I think they likely just need some time to see how committed you are. People often think these sorts of decisions come out of nowhere. Only 6 months I decided to start HRT and transition, but since I was 12 I had dreamed about doing it. Now, many people will probably accuse me of just doing this out of no where and making a huge mistake without thinking about it, but they don't know what's been going on in my head for the past decade.

Hope that helps to some extent (*hug*)

 

My dad has always regarded it as a "phase". Or, "You're a girl who just likes to wear boys clothes". "You're just a tomboy," "You'll grow out of it soon".

I know once I come out officially, I will never hear the end of it.
It's a huge fucking slap in the face.

I guess I ignore it the best I can because I know who I am on the inside, and nobody has the right to police my gender. I know myself better than anyone else. Nobody has any authority to tell me who I am, how I should act, what gender I am and how to live my life.

 

I tend to ignore it. As hard as it is.

My parents think "I'm just confused" or that "I did too much research which led me to believe I was trans*." I only did the research because I was desperate for an answer. And I most certainly am not confused.

But I just hope I can get them to understand it more so one day.

 

i think the best thing you can do is to disregaird what they say, in wont serve you any good so you might aswell let it go.
But at the same time you've got to understand how hard this is for people to adapt to. particularly parents, as they just dont understand. and the only way to make people understand the male you is to give them time, and answer any questions/ remarks they have. I did this with my mum, its ben about 18 months and a lot of aruments but we are finally getting there. She struggles with the name, but im not her daughter anymore.
I never knew how hard it was to adjust to transition until found out about another transguy from school, im in college now but i always get the name wrong and pronouns. I feel so bad about doing it and ts not meant deliberate or hurtful, so that could be why they make remarks. Not to hurt you just cause their confsed by this.

 

I think people have their own "definitions" of certain things and they just hear what they want to hear. And then later they are trying to fit you in that mold.

 

Yeah this is just how I feel. Just life in general, I find that other people don't really put themselves in your shoes. They put you in their shoes. It's like, how would I handle it if it were me going through this. Not, how should this person handle things given what she wants out of life. And you get really lousy advice from people and it makes it a million times harder to get ideas through to them.

You do run into that rare person that thinks instead of just reacting to you. It's awesome when they ask questions and try to figure things out on their own even. Everyone else, it just takes time or it's a lost cause.

 

I've gotten plenty of those types of remarks before, but there's another specific one I want to throw in that annoys the crap out of me.
I'm autistic, and basically, autism spectrum disorders are known to be linked to gender dysphoria. So a few times I've gotten,
"You're not trans*, you're just autistic."
or
"Didn't you ever think that you're not really genderqueer, your aspergers just makes you think that?"
Maybe I'm genderqueer because I'm autistic, maybe I'm not. But I'm still genderqueer, and people seem to miss that.
I've also, many times, gotten the typical "You're just a tomboy" or "You're going through a boyish phase right now." It's like people are completely denying who I actually am.

 

actually.......... alot... my mother is just starting to accept me... she said she didn't see the signs... though when I was 4 she made a video of me... where she asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up... I said I want to be a girl and I want to live in a castle with lots of other princess fawning over me... I don't think I could spell it out any better for her HAHA... I am still asked why I think I am a girl... well cause I could never accept being a boy... (&&&)

 

Though things like this bother me, especially since I thought the trans* community was the last place I'd see this, I do wat I can to ignore it. I'll say I certainly never got it as bad as my ex who was on the "femme" side of the spectrum.

 

I get this all the time and the best thing to do is put people in their place. Ask them if they know their gender and if they say yes, ask them those questions but in reverse. They'll get the picture pretty quickly.