Cyclical Dysphoria

Mines pretty much a constant, but I'm sure what you're experiencing is normal. If you feel like a man, you're a man and that makes you "trans* enough" sweetie. (*hug*)

 

I can exactly relate to what you just described. I have never been able to pinpoint why beside the fact that sometimes I feel like I am focusing on the things that make me feel dysphoric more than other times. Also it might be related to general mood.

Don't worry about not being "trans enough". No one has the right to define who you are beside yourself. Many trans people don't feel dysphoric at all ever. Everyone is different.

 

Mine definitely came in cycles before I started seriously considering starting transition. When I first met with a therapist I described it with the metaphor of walking next to the ocean. Most of the time there was very thin water as I was walking and it really didn't impair me much. However, every once in a while wave would come by. Some were big and some were small but they all made it harder to keep going as normal. Some times the waves were so powerful I feel like I had to dedicate all of my attention to not getting completely swept away, and that prohibited me from accomplishing anything else.

I hope that metaphor makes sense. It was very salient to me at the time.

 

I would say it is depending on the tolerance and acceptance level of each person toward their body. Some people hate it so much they would feel sick look at themselves, and some just feel a general dislike toward the body, but don't really mind it. And due to that the level of dysphoria varies due to how much they noticed and are bothered by the things they noticed.

I mostly find myself to be fine when I am fully clothed and not having to speak in male voice. But I really hate it when I have to look at myself in the mirror naked, or have to speak a long time in male voice.

 

My dysphoria is weird because I struggle a lot with depersonalization... It's almost like it's someone else's body and so I can cope a little better that way. I pretty much try to ignore and pretend it doesn't exist as much as possible. Not the best way of coping with it. But everyone experiences things differently. I think there's no comparison. You say you've felt dysphoria in cycles - that's nothing to joke about. Wondering how trans you are by comparing yourself to other people doesn't do your own experiences justice. You have your story to tell, others have theirs. That's all there is to it.

 

I can relate. It also kind of cycles with me. It makes me doubt whether I am really trans too. You are the only person who can (for lack of better word) decide if you are supposed to be a man in the end. I don't think that having disphoria in cycles makes the disphoria invalid.

 

Eli, I see you're FtM - does your dysphoria relate at all to your menstrual cycle? (If you are menstruating, of course.) Because I could certainly see an FtM getting more dysphoric whenever the monthly reminder of having a fertile female body comes around.

 

I'm the exact same way dude.

My dysphoria will drive me up the wall for a good week or more, and then all of a sudden it quiets down, and I'm fine the way I am, even though it's not perfect.

I do wish to become a guy, but the thought of transitioning kind of scares me because of how my dysphoria acts. I don't know, but you're definitely not alone.

 

My dysphoria is at a constant moderate level of discomfort for me. I really do not like having that thing rub when I walk or feeling it when I cross my legs. The dysphoria usually hits me hard when someone insists on treating me like a bro, knowingly uses my male name, or uses "he" and "him" even after being corrected multiple times. I've learned to lash out to get people to stop, but the discomfort sits for a long time in my mind afterwards. If I do not vent it out the anxiety builds up to the point where I will have a meltdown. So I tend to fluctuate between moderate to tearing at my skin while begging to be free of this wretched body. :icon_sad:

 

Does it depend on what you are doing?
For me when I stay at home and have activities to immerse myself in I feel pretty normal and okay.
It gets bad when I have to take public transport, cause there's no way to take my mind off of it. So I'll pretty much always feel better on weekends than weekdays. (That's if I don't think too hard about how it's stopping me from actually doing shit on the weekends though.)

 

I'm glad I'm not alone with that. I was really confused by it, because sometimes I really feel unhappy with my body and sex, while other moments I'm like "WTF, why would I ever want to be a guy!?"
It really sways up and forth, and I'm still figuring out what that means exactly. And that's the main thing which keeps me doubting about my transgender-ness, because one moment I'm like completely certain I AM, the other completely certain I'm NOT. Argh! Confusing! I'm wondering whether it might have something to do with how society 'brainwashed' me into 'being a girl', or 'wanting to be the other sex is wrong', etc. or whether I really am not trans* but just tomboyish or something.
I wish I could magically change myself into a man for a few weeks or so, to see how it feels. The only way to change is through hormones and surgery though, and that's a one way route, which I'm not going to attempt if I'm still in doubt. Imagine you realize AFTER the surgery and all you're actually not trans*, in that case you're screwed, lol.

 

A few weeks ago I had dysphoria so bad I couldn't get out of bed. This week I feel fine. Genderfluidity *Sighs*

 

Haha, lol, yeah. Sometimes I feel like there is a guy and a girl inside me, both arguing who is the most important and who is 'me', or something like that... difficult to describe.