Okay so I'm IDing as asexual, aromantic right now - the fancy way of saying I want to be a forever bachelor lol. My question is, sometimes in the past guys will sext me and it can really turn me on. But it isn't necessarily THEM, it's just sex in general and having someone else talking like that. Like watching porn but more... personally tailored. I'm fairly confident in my aromantic status. I don't really like hugging or cuddling, don't feel gooey mushy feelings towards people or have "crushes" and kissing I always wonder why sucking on someone's face like sucker fish makes people feel good. But to each their own, I suppose. So back to asexual. When I look at a man or a woman, I've NEVER had sexual ideation about them. Yeah. I don't think I ever have anyways. I didn't even really understand that people did this until a couple days ago. I know I have some sex drive, but I just can't seem to feel romantic feelings about people and for my own morals and ethics, means I would never really want sex either. Does it make sense then that I've labelled myself this? Part of the thing is, I told my therapist about my trans feelings, and she asked if I could ever think of having a relationship with a girl in the future. She said she understood I wasn't at all interested in anything right now, but in the future. I suppose I would rather live with a female than a male. I have tried relationships with men in the past, but it never works out because I couldn't feel any romance and I really feel the need to be the man of a relationship. I've never tried being with a girl before and have never felt sexually attracted to them either. I just can't imagine having sexual or romantic feelings for... anyone right now. Maybe that will change if I go on T, I'm just not sure lol. But she was really pushing for an answer so... I thought it would be worth it to explore further and see what other people's thoughts were.
I am going through the same kind of thing ATM. I really have no idea. Before I went on testosterone, I was pretty much 0-sexual attraction, 0-libido and 0-romantic attraction. About 8 months after I went on T, my libido started to increase, but not my sexual or romantic attraction. Now, I've come to realize I may be slightly sexual, but I'm really not sure. What I'm feeling may just be related to aesthetic attraction. It certainly never translates into wanting to have sex. I've certainly never found myself to be as distracted by masturbation/sex/attraction than sexual guys seem to be. As for reactions to T in the average transguy... just about everyone reports an increased sex drive. I know of one guy, also asexual, who didn't, a year and a half or so afterwards. Occasionally, guys have been known to go from 'lesbian' to gay guy as a result of T, but that isn't particularly common. Would you be interested in a platonic relationship? btw, I share your sentiments regarding kissing. If you're unable to find an answer to your therapist, you could try just asking her how you're supposed to feel when your body will be in an altered chemical state you've never experienced before.
You have a good point lol. I ended up not being able to give them an answer they liked. They seem to have a sort of idea that I should have some attraction right now. It's all terribly confusing to me. Possible TMI: (But I'm asking bc I want input XD Not necissarily a question directed at anyone) The act of sex itself is very pleasurable of course. But if I'm trans, I shouldn't have pleasure from that...? Well I was sexually abused when I was younger and founding pleasure in a way from that is that a sign of the trans feelings being from the abuse? Also a sign of my sexuality perhaps? :dry: So confusing.
No, transpeople can have pleasure from sex. In my personal, and rather less common situation, before I went on T, I didn't seem to experience sexual sensation. I'm not entirely sure why this was, it may have been dysphoria related, or it may have been due to the fact that I'm intersex. Anyway, since going on T, I have sensation now. There have been parts of the brain affected by hormones in the womb which are supposed to be responsible for making people trans, rather than it being related to abuse, but there is not a consensus on that. In any case, there have been plenty of transpeople who haven't been abused, and they're still trans. I don't know much about the psychology of sexual abuse, but I would imagine that its not impossible to experience sexual pleasure from it, and that shouldn't be considered indicative of your sexuality. It sucks that your therapist doesn't seem to be very considerate of asexuality. Some people, unfortunately don't seem to recognise it as a valid orientation. Don't worry about it, and don't let them try to fix you. It'll only cause you grief. If you are sexual, then you'll start to experience sexual attraction, and if you're not sexual, then you won't. About the platonic relationship thing, while obviously most people are interested in a sexual relationship, don't dispair. There are other asexuals out there, and I for one would be interested in one (I say this not in an attempt to start a relationship or anything, but so you know there are others out there).
makes sense to me. if a label feels right to you, i say use it. even if you think there's a chance of that changing in the future. in addition to that, you described having never felt sexual attraction, which does indeed sound like asexuality to me. having a libido doesn't mean anything and your comments re: relationships relate to romantic orientation not sexual orientation. as for romantic orientation/aromanticism and having a platonic relationship with someone, ever heard of the term "queerplatonic"? see this: http://24.media.tumblr.com/d3ad8d42f7da448bda0099cb652d0086/tumblr_mj9te43rnN1s2vc8po1_1280.png and this: Queerplatonic Life Partners.
I've heard that it's quite common for trans people to have a change in sexual orientation as a result of transitioning. Which makes sense, I guess. If you're uncomfortable with your physical gender, could mean turning off your sexual feelings because they remind you that you have the wrong parts. And it seems some people get confused between 'I want to have sex with him/her' and 'I want to be him/her'.
