I've always known I've had more masculine tendencies then most girls I know, and I've always just accepted that I'm female, but recently I started realizing that some days I just identify as a dude. I don't know how else to describe it except- I just feel, act, walk, and talk like a guy. Heck, I sometimes even start thinking in a male tone :/ The thing is, I'm fine with having a female body and identifying as a girl, and I have no idea what makes me turn on boy mode and cross dress (secretly. I'm not out to my family or friends as anything but strait). This cross dressing thing isn't new either- I used to do it all the time as a kid before my parents gave me an incredibly hard time for it. According to my grandma, my dad hit me (and my brother) a few times because we cross dressed. Another thing pertaining to my brother and me: We both look exactly alike. If I cut my hair in the same style as his, I'd look like his older twin. So either he looks more female or I look more male. I guess I was just wondering if this is something that other lesbians/bisexual people go through (phasing in and out of a specific gender), if this is what genderfluid is, if this is just something on a completely separate genetic level, if I'm just a really butch female (although I usually dress more feminine, not always by choice...), schizophrenia (except I don't feel like a different person :/), or if I'm just a disgrace to the Transgender community. xD
You're not a disgrace to any community, and it isn't a mental disorder (schizophrenia). You could just be butch, or possibly genderfluid, or bigender.
Phew! XD Looking up more on genderfluid, I guess that's more what my case is... Although is there even a difference between genderfluid and bigender? Although maybe this is just me being butch... Bahhh, why are hormones so confusing? :/ I guess the real question is wether I should be pursuing this or not. (Have half a closet dedicated to mens wear? Because that wouldn't tip my parents off. :|) Like right now, that actually doesn't sound like an appealing idea, although had this crossed my mind a few hours ago, I would've been all: "YES! BOXERS." I guess I just have no idea where to go with this. :/ "I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure..."
I think the main differences with genderfluidity and bigender, would be that a genderfluid person may consider themselves to be a mix of all genders, sometimes androgynous, or neutrois, basically non-binary gender. While a bigender person only identify between male and female. And pursue what you feel is right. If you want to wear boxers, go for it. Wear what you want, identify with what fits. You have a lot of time to figure it out.
Ah ha- so bigender it is then. Good to know all this has a name! Annndd suddenly the boxers seem like a brilliant idea again! XD I guess I'd just have to be careful not to wear them around girls time of the month...hm. Anyway, I'll just figure all that out later. You're right, I have time! ;D Thank you so much Oddish! You really cleared up just about all the questions I had! (*hug*)
