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Anybody wanna help me make 100% sure?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GwenCS, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. GwenCS

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    Ok, so, I'm pretty sure I'm gay. Probably like, 90-95% sure. Just want to make sure.

    I know I'm gay, I've got a crush on one of my friends, which probably won't end up working out, but that's ok. However, I happen to get turned on by women sometimes. Sometimes, though, I'll see a "hot" girl, and just be like, "meh". Which is usually. I mean, I can't actually picture myself in a relationship with or even having sex with any kind of female. Only guys. But occasionally I get a little turned on seeing women. It's usually just seeing the curves of their body, I've a little bit of a curve fetish. Like, if I could find that, but with a penis, and actually being male, I'd be happy. Despite really wanting someone who's a bit more masculine than me, since I'm pretty effeminate. Anyway, just want a bit of help making 100% sure I'm gay, since I've identified (not like, in public; I'm still in the closet) as bisexual before, and want to make sure I get it right before I come out. Not that I'm worrying I'll come out as the wrong thing, I just want to secure all my bases before I start heading out. Know what I mean?
     
  2. Dalmatian

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    Hmm.. would it be a bad thing to be bisexual? Or to throw away labels all together and just define your sexuality as "attracted mostly to men, occasionally women"?

    A woman's body... just with a penis and actually being a man? Someone like him? :slight_smile: Or do you take it back and want a more stereotypical man after all?

    If we lived in a very different society, where gay relationships were normal and straight ones frowned upon and their validity discussed in courts.. do you think you would still be interested in women? That's the answer you need to find: whether your attraction to women is a thing of habit and environment or your true orientation.
     
  3. BudderMC

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    You might not like my answer, but hear me out.

    The thing about calling yourself "gay" is that it's a convenient label - a shortcut to make life easier, either for yourself or for other people. By calling yourself "gay" you're saying (in one word) "I'm predominately/almost exclusively attracted to guys".

    Sexuality is fluid. In some people it changes a lot, in some people it hardly changes at all. If you're looking for a set answer in terms of sexuality, there really isn't one.

    All that said, I call myself gay because I like guys. I'm sexually attracted to guys, I can picture myself doing things with guys, I can picture myself falling in love with a guys. I still think curves are gorgeous, and I've gotten turned on my women very occasionally. For me, that occasional attraction to women I felt was so infrequent that I figured "gay" was a fitting term.
     
  4. RainbowMan

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    I think that you're likely gay, but as Dalmatian wisely said, is there something wrong with being bisexual? Not in the least

    However, you mention that the idea of sex with a female is something that you can't picture. I'd lean more towards bi if that wasn't the case. But since it is, I'd lean towards gay.

    However, based one one post on a message board, I can't label you. For one thing, sometimes labels don't fit. For another, you know yourself infinitely better than I know you and you're the only one that can make this decision (or not make it, and not accept any label) for YOU.
     
  5. Im having the same problem but im a male interest in women. Id say Im closer to 75-80%. I enjoy women but sometimes i see a good looking guy with big arms and tonned abs and think "hes hot" and might be aroused though I have no desire to be intimate with them.

    I think Dalmatian above is right, there is no need to label ourselves. Just be confortable with who you are!

    And in the end if your really unsure or curious maybe try experimenting.
     
  6. GwenCS

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    Neither of those would be a bad thing, I'd just rather be known as gay, since that's what I identify with most.

    Also, I think I do take it back after seeing that... Although I only said that a woman's body with a penis, I'd be happy. Not like, that's what I'm searching for. Definitely searching for manly men (not like, bears, but, manlier than me at least). The guy I'm crushing on right now is a bit less than stereotypical man. Not hot, more like, I dunno, what's a word I could use for pretty, but in a manly way? Like, maybe handsome? I dunno. I'm personally not a fan of giant six-packs, but I do like some muscle.

    To BudderMC, I kinda do just use it as a convenient way to say "I'm pretty much only interested in guys." There's honestly something about the word "gay" that sounds better to me when I use it to describe myself.
     
  7. Confusedforlife

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    Why put a label on it? It seems like you're bisexual and there's nothing wrong with that. Have you tried experimenting? Like hook up with a girl to see if that does anything for you, or just like try having a sexual relationship with a girl. Maybe you're more into guys than girls. I'm going through the same thing as you right now but I'm currently in a relationship with a guy and I love him a lot but sometimes it feels like I'm only interested in girls. Porn between men and women gross me out but when it's hentai or yaoi i'm more into two girls or two guys.
     
  8. IronCupcake

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    You know, it's interesting. When I would have sex with my bf back when I was in my 20's I would be on top and arrange the position and fantasize about having a penis and fucking him. I know I'd never have a sex change or anything but it was very vivid. In my relationships with women I was always the ... don't know what you'd call it now since it was a long time ago...but the 'lead' like in a dance if that makes any sense.

    I'm wondering if you could find a nice hermaphrodite. I know they are out there. Or a pre-snipped tranny? (Yeah, I live in San Francisco so I know about all of this)
     
  9. Priiiide

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    I think most people might be taking his love for curves too seriously by suggesting the OP to date a trans person. Don't get me wrong there's nothing bad about it. But I honestly think the op is predominately attracted to men but just appreciates the shape of women. I guess I can appreciate a mans body and love muscles in boys and girls because to me it is linked to being healthy and sporty, something which is a big part of my life. I don't know, I could be wrong, but just my two cents!