:tears: Just having a bad day dealing with Dysphoria. For a while now I have been feeling beautiful from mid thigh down(shaved legs, painted toenails, etc). Today a drag queen friend of mine came over and completely made me over. When I looked in the mirror, I just cried and cried and cried. Finally seeing myself looking the way I feel I should look just made me feel good but sad. I wanted to die because I feel like I will never be that. I saw myself with full breasts, long blonde hair, a cute LBD, and I just broke down into tears. I don't know if I can keep living like this:tears:
I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I can't offer anything but a listening ear should you need and it and the hope that things will get better.
I'm am sorry you are having an extra dysphoric day. :icon_sad: Things feel hopeless right now, but I just know that things are going to get better for you. Maybe watch a movie or listen to a song that makes you feel better.
aww sweetie i can def relate. before i could make myself over it was even harder... learning everything is so much fun, and if your artsy like me you will love it all. :eusa_danc im definately struggling with it too, i am here for you and not just on the forum but we can talk private about that its in the rules no info on public forums so message me. one of the thing that really helped me was finding shows, i really loved 'my transsexual summer' it made me feel better it really did when i was down. your not alone we are struggling together against a world of ppl who dont want us to be ourselves. theres so much on my shoulders every day to wake up and get ready as a man still i want to cry and to be honest sometimes i do. it hurts bad i went from smiling at the beginning of this reply to down honestly :icon_sad: i guess it doesnt usually happen overnight and its something we have a lot of fighting to do for, and if we cant be strong how are we gonna fight to be ourselves... idk my minds blown for a lil here i need a cig,(*hug*) love you for being yourself keep going forward
I hate getting on here to feel better when what I really want is to get on here to cheer someone else on when they are down. Guess it works both ways. I'm sorry I made you cry. Us girls gotta stick together in this world of darkness and hate. To be honest, I don't even fear the world anymore. In fct the only thing I fear is coming out to my Mom, which I almost did last night, so I'm almost over the beginning hurdles. I just do what little things I can to feel better when I get down. I post something on here, go though the different forums to hopefully cheer someone else up, go get some Cider beer, and watch Shakespeare In Love or Legends of the Fall(if I need a good soul cleansing cry), paint my toes, that kind of stuff. I just get so depressed that I can't even get out of bed to go to work. I woke up today, as a matter of fact, called to see if my therapist could see me then called out of work. I have never been able to keep a job very long because of this, but some days I just can't face it, and my HR manager knows kind of what is going on and as long as I play by their rules I won't get fired. However, I do fear that I will eventually have to tell her everything, but that is a bridge I'll have to cross when the time comes. Anyway, Thanks again, and with the dawn of a new day, I do feel better, just stay away from mirrors lol! (&&&)
Why not take what your friend taught you and continue to use it? If it made you happy? And get on hormones, gurl! If I showed you a picture of me two years ago compared to now you would not be able to see a resemblance. Just let go of all that fear and frustration, don't feed it with your attention, don't let it grow. Once you learn to reinforce and promote acceptance and patience with your body, things get so much easier. It's all going to be okay.
I want to get on hormones so bad. I'm actually going to talk to my doctor about it today, and get set up with a therapist(i hope). Down here therapists that specialize in gender identity issues don't take insurance and i can't afford $100 a session. Any tips?
im struggling with the work one too. i didnt go mon, tues, and weds, i mean i want to get out and work but i just want to do it as myself. yesterday and today im going in for my bosses. i kno they were trying to help but telling me how much they need me, how im the ideal employee, and they wish there were more ppl like me... it just puts more pressure on me really... i was looking at pictures ppl posted of me on facebook, noticing how ppl think im hard to catch on camera "caught by surprise"... i see myself before i came out, sitting off in the corner, short hair, and the only smiles are forced ones(i can tell at least)... i look and look its just doesnt feel like me :goodevil: ive been hurting a lot lately since i really decided who i am and who i want to be. when im sitting alone and theres the occasional tear rolling down my face, at least i know why now.
I know exactly what you mean. Before I knew myself, I would cry for no reason at all and couldn't figure out why. Now I know why. And the smiles, yeah, I only have one picture of me with a real smile on my face. It's a difficult road for us, and it would be easier if I had a sister in my own town, but no one would chose to move here. oh well, (&&&)
today was really rough, all day at work i had to hold it in, like really i want to cry all the time.. and just lay down and be like im sorry everyone i cant anymore, im sorry work i took the time to learn all this, had i been a woman you never wouldve given me the chance. im sorry my ex, its her bday today, i really loved her and she just couldnt accept it. im just sorry i dont want to keep going until i die pretending to be someone else, i want to live as me. i would think transgender would have a hard time in alabama, i used to live in nfsa it was peaceful but boring
