Need help and advice on finally telling my mom

There is nothing shameful about being a man. And there is everything admirable about being able to admit that to yourself and your parents. You are talking about making yourself vulnerable and standing up to people that won't understand you or like you. Including some people that love you, that you love back.

Once you come to terms with who you are, and really view yourself as a man and not a woman trying to be a man, you will be able to plan how you will talk to your mom. You are a man. You have always been one. Know that and the rest will fall into place.

Or you simply don't fit into the binary, and are neither a woman or a man. The answer is inside you. All I'm trying to say, is that if you find that answer before you come out, it will help a lot.

That is not saying that things will be easy. Things outside of you will happen exactly the same way no matter how you feel. Many of us have better reactions than we ever expected. Some of us have worse. But one thing you can be sure of, is that she probably will not understand for a long time even if she accepts you. For a while, what makes you feel good about you is going to have to come from inside instead of out.

So that's my advice. Once you know who you are and can show people your confidence, they will respond to that. If you act like you know how to handle this, then you will probably be able to handle this. Put yourself in your parents shoes. They are not going to know what to do. They'll feel lost. They will probably turn to other parents and the internet for advice. Maybe if they're awesome they'll come here :lol: But if you are already acting like you know what you are doing, like you aren't lost, it will go a long way toward getting you the support you will need.

 

I was in the same boat as you, and I came out to my mum when I started sliding in my own secretive gender identity sessions with my therapist. I had her come in the room with me on my third session, and looked my mum in the eyes, "I'm transgender, mum." My therapist supported me through and through. But it was tough. Really tough. I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do it on my own.

And you're not a freak. Not one bit. There's no shame in being trans*, you're very courageous to be taking this step and it's a really nice feeling when you can finally find yourself. I was masked for years, after my parents made me suppress my gender identity issues when I was a child. But now I'm open, and it's liberating. You'll feel the same as well.

Have you thought of writing a letter to your mum? Perhaps it would make the words flow easier, and it's a little less abrasive compared to coming out right in front of her, in your own words. Plus it gives her some time to think and process it over. When it comes to your friends, just be honest. I've come out to my best friend, and she's accepted me in full, even though the others haven't really. But through that entire process, I've learned who my friends really are, who I can trust, and it's made the bond between me and my best friend even stronger. If it makes it easier, you could perhaps text your friends about it or tell them online.

I wish you the best when you decide to come out, and be confident, like cassie said. It'll help tons to show that you're dedicated, and very much comfortable in your own shoes when you're honest about your feelings. Good luck!

 

Just calm down, take some deep breathes and just relax.

Now, I know this is tough. Coming out to parents and loved ones is never a fun feeling, trust me I've been there, we've all been there. That's just how it goes.

Before you come out to your parents, you must fully accept yourself for who you are. You are not a freak, you're not broken in anyway, and you're not alone. If you already accept who you are great, now you can feel a bit better while coming out.

How open minded is your mom? If she's pretty closed minded I'd hold off on telling her for just a bit, at least till you're 18 so you're able to live on your own...just incase things go poorly. If she's open minded then that's great! The only thing is, you're going to need to explain whatever you're feeling to her the best way possible.

My advice to you is to write a letter perhaps. That way you can word things the way you want to word them, without being rushed. And you won't be interrupted by anything. After that, be prepared to be bombarded by questions, so study up or whatever you have to do to answer whatever she's going to throw at you.

That's all I've got as of now. I wish you the best of luck! (*hug*)

 

you should know them enough to have an idea of best and worse case... if you prepare for the worst you cant be let down... just be honest and be yourself, your life is after all about you and not them

 

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are, bro.
I am not afraid my parents or friends won't accept me for who I am, they're pretty open minded (though my mom really sees me as 'her little girl' with emphasis on GIRL, so I think she might be a little disappointed to actually have a 'little son' (or not so little, haha, anyway)), but what is really holding me off is my doubt in who I REALLY am, what is REALLY 'me'.
I don't feel 100% male, nor 100% female, more or less a bit of a 'mix'. Though I'd prefer male over female, it's not that I completely detest my female-ness each and every day. Yes, there are days when it all gets a little bit too much and I really want to 'free' myself of this body, but then there are lots of other days I'm completely OK with it.
I'm still figuring out whether I don't entirely fit in the binary, or whether those doubts come from my earlier female self which I created in high school to 'fit in' better (but who was I kidding. I have never fitted in, and never will!), and as long as I don't have those things straight, I don't feel like I have enough confidence to come out.
I wish I just knew it for sure, knew for sure I was in the RIGHT or the WRONG body... as now I've tumbled in a horrible mindfuck machine. :S

But I'm sure we will both figure it out! Best of luck!

 

I never had the chance or courage to tell my mother how I feel. I think a good approach would be to ask her what she thinks about people like you without actually coming out. Tell her you read an article somewhere or pick a show with a transgender character in it and try discussing it with her. If nothing else you’ll have a better view of what to expect when you get to the main event.

I also think that a letter is a good option. You can take your time writing it, expressing your feelings the best way possible. If you decide to do it face to face there’s always a possibility you’ll get tongue tied and not get your point across.

 

Letters are generally better, because they allow you to say what you to say without interruption, or fear of expressing yourself poorly due to nerves or feeling emotional.

Start by saying that there is something you need to tell her, and then tell her that you'll always love her, and that you are the same person you were before you told her. she'll start to feel freaked out here, so try not to linger. Tell her you are trans, and then explain what that is. Then say what it isn't (fetish, sexuality etc). Then tell her about some childhood experiences (people tend to relate to anecdotes). tell her about any new pronouns/name you wish her to use, and lastly direct her towards some literature and support websites. then sign with your new name and thank her for reading and tell her you hope she still supports you.

oh, and try to be far, far away from her while she reads.

 

^
I really second that.

ALWAYS when I want to tell my parents something difficult I do it by a letter (which is not really often, luckily), because I always chicken out at the 'moment supreme'. When I write a letter, I'll be eating myself inside out for a couple of hours or have a restless night, but then I at least know I have said it, AND really said everything which I wanted to say.
Though now I don't even have the courage for that. I'm afraid they will accept it, but not really understand, like "Okay *uses old name*." and "You're still my little girl."
AHEM. WHAT!? *facepalm*
Or they'll joke about it, that sort of stuff. I'm probably just making it harder than it is tho'.

I often lie the letters on their pillow, as then there's NO WAY they won't notice, AND I'll be up in bed at that moment, having them to probably confront me the next morning. A side note is that I never sleep well then, lol!

Good luck!!!