I'm 17 years old and I was born a female. I've always dressed like a boy and my interests and things I do are stereotypically masculine, (I'd say I'm about 70% masculine and 30% gender- variant) and I always thought having facial hair and a deep voice would be cool. When I was a child I would always take the male role in playing "house" or something. Throughout most of my life, other than on occasion, I would always where boys' clothing - I preferred it, and when I'd where feminine clothing I would be so uncomfortable. If it were possible I'd probably take testosterone but I'm just afraid of regretting transitioning or feeling at some point in my life that this was just a phase, something that was "cool". But at the same time I don't think I can live like a girl and keep getting mistaken for a guy all the time. I've always felt inferior to men/boys. Recently I have broadened my gender horizons by trying on dresses and stuff. I only like it because it shocks people when they see me in a dress because it's something they've never seen before, I don't think I truly do it for myself. I don't know if what I'm about to write is related and correlates with my gender or not, but I'm going to say it anyways just for some clarity and understanding - when I think about sex, I'm mostly on the bottom with a woman over top of me and I envision myself moaning and stuff which may sound weird, but yes, my own moans arouse me. I wonder if this is an indication that maybe I'm actually a girl, gender-wise. I've never had sex before or have been in any kind of relationship, so I don't know how accurate my thoughts are to the actual act. But I should note that when I think about sex, sometimes I imagine myself on top - giving rather than receiving, but only sometimes. I want to conclude that the thought of sex is enjoyable to me if I imagine myself as a girl - the sound of a man's moan barely turns me on and I think that is mostly because I am not very attracted to them and partly because I don't let myself broaden my sexuality, as in I try not to feel attracted to guys because it sort of disgusts me and feel out of place - sort of like how a straight man would feel questioning his sexuality, but then again that could probably change with time and exploration. Again, I don't know if any of this last part correlates with my gender but you never know. Thanks. ---------- Post added 8th Apr 2013 at 03:32 PM ---------- Also wanted to add, I've always envied men aesthetically.
You sound somewhat similar to me. I dont identify as either gender directly, however I do identify more with my masculinity. I call myself transgender, as it can be quite a broad term. You sound like you might be either trans or genderqueer to me
Whoah, you sound a frightening lot like me! In kind of... almost everything! Also funny you mention the sex thing, I don't know what it means either, but I experience the same thing. Always when I'm a woman and on the 'receiving end' I'm being raped or forced and it feels bad. When I was younger and getting into puberty I would kind of ONLY dream I was being raped when it was about sex, which was horrible, though lately I have had much better sex dreams, in which I've always been a guy. Never thought it meant anything, until you also mentioned it. I am afraid I will come back on myself if I get on T as well. Like now it's so clear, but what if I'll then realize it has been a 'phase' all along? Then you're just completely fucked! But on the other hand I feel like this isn't how it should be. I constantly feel like faking, like being a girl on one end (physically) and a guy on the other (mentally), like being torn between two sides. And I feel like about 7o% male and 30% variant as well, sometimes I feel like neither female or male or even both, though lately I've been feeling increasingly male.
