I've been seeing a talk therapist since January to work through depression and work out being transsexual. I've talked with my therapist many times with varying levels of intensity regarding my desire for HRT and top surgery (and never expressed doubt or desire to remain living as female), and last month he went through with putting the diagnosis of gender identity disorder on my record. Early on in my intake, they assured me that they have helped people transition before. And last week I reported on a handful of significant "life tests" I went through the week before. But even though I bring up my desire to transition almost every meeting it seems like it sort of passes by and the topic changes to something else (especially regarding my depression). I was hoping someone here might know what to do in this situation. I will of course bring up my desire to have more concrete goals so I can begin to transition this year. But if it keeps getting put to the side, should I go looking for another health care provider? Should I be talking to another psychiatrist, or go to the hospital to talk to a different kind of doctor while still keeping this therapist? I've lost all faith in my ability to pass no matter how I act or dress. I'm tired of nearly looking like a boy at best. I'm an adult and I'm ready to look the part, so I can become part of society and enjoy meeting new people again.
It sounds like you are another casualty to the abusive therapist problem us trans* people consistently run into. The sad truth is therapists like the one you are seeing have no intention of letting you transition. They can see how miserable being trans* is for you and view it as an easy to milk cash cow. You will continue to hope and push for hormones while the therapist sets up more hoop jumping nonsense. Your trials and dysphoria will in-turn lead to depression that he will then focus on instead of taking care of the root problem. I went through 8 therapists doing the same BS to me before I found one that helped me start transitioning. I was told time and again I had to "prove" myself to them before they might "allow" me to start transitioning. If I were you, after your next dud session I would flat out tell him that he is abusing you and fire him. If you are doing your best to live as your true gender then there is no reason as to why you haven't been given hormones yet. I literally had 3 one hour appointments with my current therapist before he put me on hormones. When I told him all of the BS of proving myself I had to go through with my others "therapists" he was downright appalled. I say cut your losses and look for a less heartless therapist.
It may be that you will never get anywhere with this therapist, its difficult to tell. I suggest that next time you go to see them, be very direct. Ask for a referral to whatever kind of doctor is able to prescribe hormones in your area, and ask how long it will take, and whether the therapist ever really intended to help you get hormones/surgery. Assure them that if you were to be referred to a hormone-giving doctor, you'd still stay for therapy (doesn't really matter if thats true). If you don't get the answers you're looking for, or you get them, but the therapist doesn't follow through, find another one. Of course, you have to consider whether you need the therapist at all. I have seen many therapists, but the way I finally got hormones didn't require it, and there was no communication between the consultant and therapists. Is there any way you can bypass therapy?
First, thank you both for the feedback. I've been to many therapists over the years to work through my depression, and I think more than him being manipulative or having bad intentions, I may just be approaching things wrong, or have made mistakes that are making this go slowly. It is a teaching clinic for students at my university, so they are really not making money off me as each session is less than 10$, and my therapist seems more engaged and receptive than any of the others I have seen for the last five years even though he is still a student. But I do think I have to be very proactive in pushing for what I want because of his inexperience. It's hard when I am even more inexperienced. I will definitely be asking those questions, Hex. Thanks again!
Well I hope that he can help you transition, it seems like you're getting on well with him, and he's affordable. Good luck. Glad I could help.
i liked Sinopaa response.. 1. your therapist could be trying to make that cash 2. he/she may really be concerned about some underlying mental issues and just wants you to make your decisions with 100 percent clarity 3. cant therapist only write a letter of recommendation for hrt, i mean im mtf i searched and searched to find programs to help me. It was the most depressing part of this cuz i felt like it was all i needed but was so far. With 2 hrs of evaluation and two weeks of waiting for blood test results, only $20 for it all (hormone price not included)im supposed to be getting hormones by end of may as long as blood test results are good. so sorry to ramble on i think in your struggle you may have found the wrong resource and you should most definitely mention that you feel your getting no help from them to the therapist your seeing. now its there job to use words to manipulate people so idk i can see through there approach idk if others can im really headstrong. please dont give up, if thats what u want dont let yourself down... consider other resources
Hi Wandering I, I've heard from a lot of people that while is great for figuring you out, and helping with issues like depression. But if you want to go the traditional path, you're eventually going to want to find a therapist that specializes in gender. And you're going to need to know, up front and before you start seeing them, that they can help you transition. Those can be a little hard to find. Online lists tend to be out of date. Here's one though, Therapists Once you find one, you're also going to need a trans friendly endocrinologist doctor for them to refer you to. Again, same problem, but here's a list, Transgender Friendly Endocrinologist List Now, as of 2008, there was an LGBT friendly doctor by the name of Dr. Maddie Deutsch who started promoting an "informed consent" model which, in a nutshell, skips the therapist. So the above two lists are for the therapy/endo combo, based on the Harry Benjamin standards of care. The Maddie Deutsch model is intended to replace the Harry Benjamin model, but there's some controversy. For Maddie Deutsch practitioners, there's a blog that's kept fairly up to date here, cath's writings. Probably the best option though would be to find an in person transgender support group. You can make some friends, practice going out in public to a safe place expressing your true gender, and probably best of all, you're bound to run into a couple people who have successfully transitioned and can help you with how they did it. Plus, they'll know your face and you'll know theirs, which means that you'll have people that can look out for you. Being openly trans is eventually going to be a safety concern for you, and it's nice having people wondering where you are every week. As to where to look for those: the LGBT center at uni would be a good place to start. Some states have LGBT centers too. Mine unfortunately does not any more. I mean keep going to the cheap therapist at Uni for as long as you can, it'll help you get to point B. But this is something that, eventually, they're not going to be equipped to handle. Well unless you happen to be going to a med school.
Thank you Opti, Cassie. I was just thinking that I should gather my courage and go talk to someone in the LGBT club office and ask them for resources. I'm so grateful for the explaination and list of therapists and endocrinologists. I was excited to see there is a therapist in my area, and maybe someone in the LGBT group will know about hormone therapy. Thank you ladies so much. The help means so much to me.
