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Looking for help in identifying myself // Gender/Sexual

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GQ1, Apr 21, 2013.

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  1. GQ1

    GQ1
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    As the title states I'm having trouble categorizing myself, I was thinking bisexual/bi-gender but I don't know if that exists or if that's even what to call it. Any help?

    Info:

    I'm 30 years old born male physically.

    As far back as I can remember I've been physically and sexually attracted to females.

    I was sexually abused(anal) and possible orally(vague memory)by an unknown perpetrator which has led me to question my gender/sexual orientation over the years.

    I find that I get nervous around males, male genitalia, and in large crowds, where I'm not really in control of the environment.

    I would say that my bodily response would seem to indicate that I'm sexually and/or physically attracted to men? involuntary smile, or heart beating faster. But the thought of being with one ie. relationship, kissing, sleeping with mentally disgusts me(sorry I don't mean to be offensive)

    I've never gotten erections over attractive men, nor do I have any interest in gay porn.

    I don't get those kinds of involuntary responses with women, its more of a conscious acknowledgement of their beauty. Though in my mind I would totally love to have sex with them or have a relationship with them.(when I was younger my body and penis would act involuntarily)

    Sometimes I act very masculine(especially when I've been by myself for awhile) but the more I hang out with my partner I start acting very feminine. It sort of just happens at any given time, I'll be really straight and suddenly I'll start acting really girly or gay for lack of a better word. If something happens I might end up acting very masculine again but I don't really have any conscious control over it.

    I can consciously tell when I'm being one or the other and I prefer myself when I'm acting masculine but I just end up acting feminine and am not sure how I can go back.

    I've been in a LTR with a female whom I love everything about and am physically attracted too, though on a mental capacity we don't really get along like a man and woman would normally. This is where it gets tricky. If I'm feeling and acting like a man, there is sexual tension and a very raw sexual attraction but if I'm acting feminine(or gay) its just physical attraction and comfort.

    I normally talk with her about girl stuff(unless I'm boring her to death with very technical conversation) and I usually do a lot of "traditionally" woman type of stuff around the household. I've always thought it was because she was the bread winner and that was just the role I ended up taking on.

    I don't have any guy friends but if we're hanging out with other couples I converse with guys like a guy most of the time.

    So would my self classification of bisexual/bi-gender be accurate or is there something else more fitting?

    I know some people might say that it doesn't really matter, just be myself but this is something that really troubles me.
     
    #1 GQ1, Apr 21, 2013
  2. hiddenxrainbows

    hiddenxrainbows
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    Well labels are what you make them. Everyone's definitions are different, so you could call yourself a bisexual bigender.

    But if you're physically attracted to men, but physically and emotionally attracted to women, you might be a bisexual (sexually/physically attracted to both) heteroromantic (romantically attracted to the opposite sex). But since you're questioning your gender as well, it might feel better to say something like bi/multi/polysexual (physically attracted to more than one gender) gyneromantic (romantically attracted to women).

    And with the gender, bigender might be fine with you. Genderfluid is another one, meaning that you switch back and forth between different genders. Tho I think bigender is similar to that as well. Of course, there are other gender identities, but those two are the ones that make sense here, to me at least. Or maybe genderqueer? Just being in between male and female/a mix of them.

    But that's just my input. You should research sexual and gender identities to find out more about them and learn which ones are right for you. Because no one can tell you who you are except you ^_^
     
    #2 hiddenxrainbows, Apr 21, 2013
  3. J Snow

    J Snow
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    I would advise looking for one because that's pretty offensive =P Being girly does not have to do with one's sexuality >.<

    As for your sexuality, bigender is a legitimate term used within the trans* community. If that seems to best fit how you feel about your gender identity, then use it. You may also want to look into such labels as genderfluid or genderqueer though as well as they seem pretty consistent with what you describe too. Here is my basic understanding of them.

    Genderqueer: An identity which is non-binary. Neither male, nor female.

    Genderfluid: Having a fluctuating identity which can alternate back and forth between male and female.

    As for your sexual orientation bi/pansexual seem very possible. I choose to just identify as queer because I don't like dealing with the whole straight/gay/bi/pan dilemma, but I mean really you just find people attractive if you find them attractive. I don't know why you need to understand your sexual orientation to a tee. Mine doesn't make any sense at all, I just hug who I want to hug, kiss who I want to kiss, and intercourse those whom I would like to engage in it with. Once I finally made the decision to say "I'm just not going to try to label myself anymore," everything has been so much better =)
     
    #3 J Snow, Apr 21, 2013
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