Looking for help in identifying myself // Gender/Sexual

As the title states I'm having trouble categorizing myself, I was thinking bisexual/bi-gender but I don't know if that exists or if that's even what to call it. Any help?

Info:

I'm 30 years old born male physically.

As far back as I can remember I've been physically and sexually attracted to females.

I was sexually abused(anal) and possible orally(vague memory)by an unknown perpetrator which has led me to question my gender/sexual orientation over the years.

I find that I get nervous around males, male genitalia, and in large crowds, where I'm not really in control of the environment.

I would say that my bodily response would seem to indicate that I'm sexually and/or physically attracted to men? involuntary smile, or heart beating faster. But the thought of being with one ie. relationship, kissing, sex with, doesn't excite me mentally at all.

I've never gotten erections over attractive men, nor do I have any interest in gay porn.

I don't get those kinds of involuntary responses with women, its more of a conscious acknowledgement of their beauty. Though in my mind I would totally love to have sex with them or have a relationship with them.(when I was younger my body and penis would act involuntarily)

Sometimes I act very masculine(especially when I've been by myself for awhile) but the more I hang out with my partner I start acting very feminine. It sort of just happens at any given time, I'll be really straight and suddenly I'll start acting really girly or gay for lack of a better word. If something happens I might end up acting very masculine again but I don't really have any conscious control over it.

I can consciously tell when I'm being one or the other and I prefer myself when I'm acting masculine but I just end up acting feminine and am not sure how I can go back.

I've been in a LTR with a female whom I love everything about and am physically attracted too, though on a mental capacity we don't really get along like a man and woman would normally. This is where it gets tricky. If I'm feeling and acting like a man, there is sexual tension and a very raw sexual attraction but if I'm acting feminine(or gay) its just physical attraction and comfort.

I normally talk with her about girl stuff(unless I'm boring her to death with very technical conversation) and I usually do a lot of "traditionally" woman type of stuff around the household. I've always thought it was because she was the bread winner and that was just the role I ended up taking on.

I don't have any guy friends but if we're hanging out with other couples I converse with guys like a guy most of the time.

So would my self classification of bisexual/bi-gender be accurate or is there something else more fitting?

I know some people might say that it doesn't really matter, just be myself but this is something that really troubles me.