Okay..I've been having..gender confusion lately. I mean..I never really put much thought into it even when i was little. But now..now it gets to me. I feel like a guy..but then a girl to... And when people say 'think of what you can see yourself as in 10 or so years' and i did. But i can imagine both. I can imagine myself being a girl with either a husband or wife with kids but then i can imagine being a guy with a husband and kids (sometimes with girl but..not as much). And once school is over I'm able to get my hair short (Had to grow it out due to ROTC) and so i'm excited, i wear guy clothing, and even tell people to just call me Jake. But then some days i would act like a girl and want people calling me a she or whatever. When i was little i was so use to being around guys (Like my two older brothers) and always felt like i was a guy. I even want to take Testosterone but then i get scared because i think "What if i regret this?" Or something! And most times i consider myself a guy but then other days i say "Well..I'm a girl" And just go with it. I never really thought much of gender because i don't care about it..well..kinda do now i guess.. but..I don't know (/.\) And when i asked my mom to let me buy guy clothing she went all ballistic and said "Oh you better not be a trans!" Which got me highly offended. She has trans friends and is fine with them. So i told her no i just like guy clothing and i asked why she got all mad and she said "Oh i just don't want you being that" And i felt really..heartbroken. I just don't even know what to do anymore and this is eating me alive ;~; does anyone have any tips or advice?
Its perfectly normal to still be unsure about something as complicated as gender identity at such a young age. I still feel like I'm figuring it out as I go along with my transition today. Your mom sounds like the kind of person that would come around quickly if you came out to her. It's normal for parents to want grandchildren and for their children to face as little persecution as possible. Unfortunately being trans* in our society still means being a persecuted minority. However, if she has trans* friends then I'm sure she would come around. I would strongly advise seeing a therapist if at all possible. Whether you want to tell your mom what it is for is up to you. I'm sure having a therapist would help with coming out to your mom, and certainly help you explore your gender confusion. I would advise also asking if the therapist has any past history with trans* clients, and if they are knowledgeable on such issues. If you really are interested in getting on testosterone, then you will almost certainly need to do some therapy to get to get approved for hormone replacement therapy. The earlier you start HRT, the better the results are. I'm not asserting that you are trans, but I wish I had started earlier then I did. At 15 I don't know if you really have any options, but delving into these issues and figuring them out for yourself and coming out could really help you in the long run. I think in many areas you can start around 16 with a parent's consent. I relate to those feels you get about the future. I never know how to picture myself when I think about the future, and it makes me feel almost non-existent. When I think about 5 years for now I don't know how to picture me. As a man or a woman, with a man or a woman, settled, single. Its scary. I've always had that feeling. I'm not full time yet, and I don't think I can really get a picture in my head living as a woman in my every day life until I do it. The same would go for you. Of course being trans* doesn't necessarily mean you have to be transsexual, get HRT, or SRS, or any of that stuff. You could be genderqueer, genderfluid, etc. etc. But you have Non-binary on your gender description so I'm going to assume you know that already. Hope I've been of some help. Hit me up if you have any questions for me being on HRT at the moment. Best of luck and feel free to tell your mom I said, "I'm way happier with myself now that I'm 'a trans.'" =P
