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How do I accept that I'll never know who I am

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ChromeNerd, May 7, 2013.

  1. ChromeNerd

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    Whenever I call myself a lesbian I start to like guys sometimes. When I call myself bisexual I stop liking guys. I don't even know if I actually like guys. I did have a bit of a crush on a male teacher once, but I never get crushes on guys my age. I also find guys attractive once in a while. I'm so sick of this. I know I like girls, but I'm still mostly in the closet because I don't know my sexual orientation. I'm sick of being in the closet, but I don't want to come out as questioning or confused. I'm not to crazy about coming out as bisexual for the same reason. I kind of want to come out as bisexual in case I really do like guys.
     
  2. J Snow

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    You should really consider the sexual orientations of pansexual and queer. I don't really like bisexual because it implies there are only two genders/sexes and that is not the case, but I digress.

    Before I started transitioning I identified as a gay male. I knew I was somewhat attracted to women, but I was grasping for straws. I wanted to be as "feminine" as possible and my sexuality was very complicated.

    After I started transitioning, I became much more comfortable with my sexuality. I started identifying as queer. My sexuality is confusing and chaotic. Its all over the place, but I like it that way. Its like an adventure with nearly limitless possibilities.

    Just don't worry about it so much and try to enjoy the ride. It worked for me =)
     

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  3. Reptillian

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    You know, it's very possible to be attracted to people falling under that sex without being attracted in a way that you want to be with that person. There are heterosexual who might like the same sex, but not neccessarily in a way of wanting to actually be with them. Also, there are homosexual who might fancy someone of opposite sex, but not neccessarily want to do them. Same principles applies to both.
     
  4. Exoskeleton

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    Call yourself amazing. :grin:

    I settled on the bisexual label because I found it more accessible than pansexual or queer (or any of the other orientations). I say I'm bisexual, and nobody asks any questions. I like it that way (I'd rather not explain that I'm more attracted to females and males, that I don't give a flying hoo-ha about somebody's gender identity, etc etc, because, really, why does it matter to anybody but me?).

    Just be you. It sounds like labels are stressing you out, and I know it's easier said than done, but I suggest you let go. Go without any label for awhile (or something really broad and generic like "sexual") and see how you feel. If anybody asks you can say that you don't want to label yourself.
     
  5. ChromeNerd

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    I don't really like the label bisexual because it basically tells guys that I want a boyfriend and I'm willing to fool around with girls for their sexual pleasure. The problem is that I'm not that into guys. I had zero interest in guys until I was fourteen, but I've been interested in girls for my whole life. Maybe my interest in guys is a phase. You never know. I'm hesitating to identify as gay because I'm afraid I will fall for a guy and lose all credibility.
     
  6. GreenSkies

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    I definitely recognize when men are attractive, but that doesn't mean that I want to sleep with them, it just means that I appreciate how they look. When I was going through the initial process of coming out to myself, I kept going back to guys (especially on television where people tend to be hyper-sexualized already) who I found attractive. It took me a while to realize that no matter how much I recognized their attractiveness, I wouldn't want to have sex with them. It sounds like you might be experiencing something similar
     
  7. ChromeNerd

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    Maybe I am going through this. I always seem to notice all the hot guys when I identify as gay. When I identify as bisexual I eventually start ignoring all the hot guys. It's like I can never win. It's also hard to identify as gay when I've had a crush on a male teacher.
     
  8. ChromeNerd

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