Trans as a phase, cop out, or low self-esteem

Even people who are cisgendered tend to experiment with their own gender. I knew of a girl who wanted to pass as a guy for awhile and would bind. At the end of the day though she only saw it more as a "what if?" experiment and went back to being herself.

As one Trans* to another I'm going to say this bluntly; he's a cisgender who thinks squarely inside of the binary box and should thus be ignored. He's never had to question himself because nature made everything align perfectly in his physical and mental make-up. Don't take what he says to heart; he has zero knowledge about what he's talking about.

I've heard the same BS all my life. "Oh, you're a handsome young man! You'll grow into your body someday! Why do you want to diet and be thin? Guys want muscles! Don't you want to be a big, strong guy? Why do you keep pulling out your facial hair? It makes you look rugged! Girls like rugged guys! God made you just the way he wanted!". For 27 years I tried to hold myself to male standards that never made sense to me. All of the convincing and reinforcement that I was a feminine male turned out to be a crock of crap in the end. Telling an internal female irrational things like about how she looks good in facial hair will never add up. I'm sure the same situation fits with people saying positive things about your bust.

The root problem is blocking out what cisgender society dictates you should be based upon your physical appearance. Listen to your heart. Deep down inside you know the answer. The reason that us Trans* people struggle with our internal self is because our cisgender dominated society tries to convince you otherwise.

Honestly I'm the same way. I'm intelligent, funny, quick witted, and have really gorgeous hair. But I also have that uneasy feeling that things never clicked being a male. That constant feeling of uneasiness that what we see physically just doesn't add up. Sure the dysphoria can range from subtle to hair ripping, but it never went away for me. I found that being Trans* and trying to act like the wrong gender is about as futile as a gay person convincing themselves that they're straight. It goes against our inherent nature. I can't speak from a cisgender POV; but from a Trans* I can confidently say for over 20 years I've had that "things would be easier if I was a girl" stuck in the back of my mind. I only wish I was able to act on fixing it sooner.

 

As a cisgender, I can say that it's really hard to get what it's like to be trans. I still can't wrap my head around gender as an identity, though that might be my own weirdness. I can understand dysphoria, but that's mainly by relating it in my head to phantom limb syndrome in amputees. Being trans is a tricky thing to understand if you aren't living it.

 

Give this lady all the awards. Very, very well put. Much more eloquently than I could have.

Anyway, OP, you must block out the influence of our cisgender society and focus on yourself. If you know you're internally male, and you want to live your life as so, only you know. If our society weren't so trans*phobic, would you still have a lot of doubt? Well, possibly. But again, you can't let the negative, block-minded cis opinion dictate how you feel.

I used to think being trans* was a phase when I was younger, but clearly it wasn't. And then I started to ponder if maybe it's due to low self-esteem because I didn't make a good-looking female. But I kept thinking, and thinking.. I am male. Why would my parents tell me to put on some makeup or do my hair, and I would be so uncomfortable about it? I never even wanted to appear feminine or female subconsciously. It took me a really long time to act upon my thoughts again and conclude that I really am male. I'm an internal male within a female body and it isn't working. I had to put aside others opinions about it, and live for myself and make my own decision - is this really me? Is this going to make me happy and potentially make my life better once I'm comfortable? Yes.

You have to decide on our own and block all the negative connotation from those around you. Fuck what society says, or dictates as "normal."