So today I went to view a house for September term (I'm at uni) and I absolutely loved it but here's my issues: - one of the lads thought I am male - one of the lads was using female pronouns (I'm pre-T; I pass all the time except when my voice gives me away) If I move in I will be living with 11 lads and I really want to fit in but I don't know how to explain that I'm transgender and how to fit in as one of the lads too? I'm a gay male so I won't exactly be out picking up girls with them but I really want them to like me :S How do I fit in with a group of proper lads?
Have you tried not telling them you're trans? Thats what I do. I'm on T now, but it is possible to train your voice to pass even before then. In my experience, the way to 'fit in with the lads' is to a) pass b) be really really sexist. B is the reason I stopped trying to fit in with heterosexual men. I'm curious as to why you'd describe them as 'proper' lads. Why are you less worthy of being called a man?
My first choice would be going stealth if at all possible. Hopefully you will be residing with a group of tolerant young men, however. I have been permitted to socialize as male since a young age (though I was "still a girl") and one thing I quickly picked up on is that most men tend to not dwell on things that make them uncomfortable. This may work in your favor, as they may try and not dwell on the fact you are transgender, therefore allowing them to see you only as male. Perhaps I'm phrasing it terribly but what I'm essentially trying to say is that they might not even care that you are transgender and will regard you as just another guy. Have you tried correcting the lad that used female pronouns? As for fitting in, the old cliche of be yourself is definitely applicable. Be open to learning and trying new things but don't force yourself to like something. Perhaps you could brush up on a few things typically seen as masculine, such as popular sports within your area. Knowing the basic ideas and lingo of various sports has helped me in many situations in which I wanted to 'fit in' but didn't quite know how to approach it. Considering you already pass consistently, you shouldn't have an issue fitting in as one of the lads. Man, if picking up girls was the only thing my friends judged me on, I wouldn't have a single friend. Most of them don't even care that I'm into guys; some will even point out a guy they think I would find attractive. If you want them to like you, find some common interests and go from there. It's easy to like somebody you can relate to in some way. Also, Hexagon poses a valid question. You are as much of a man as they are.
