Am I transgender or gender queer?

Just because you aren't very feminine doesn't mean you aren't a girl. Individuals with gender dysphoria are transgender; if you do not have gender dysphoria, you are not trans. I'm not very knowledgeable on bigender, gender queer, etc. so I can't be of assistance there, though I would assume you are included under the LGBT umbrella.

 

Unless you feel that you'd prefer to physically be some other-sexed body than yours, I'd say you're just a tomboyish girl.

As for genderqueer, do you occasionally feel like you embrace manliness in some way? If you sort of flip-flop around gender expectations like that, it might be okay to call yourself genderqueer.

 

You don't need dysphoria to be trans*. There's no such thing as not being trans* enough.

But you don't explain yourself enough for us to really help you out with the labels. So please go ahead and tell us what you're going through and how you really feel.

 

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought and you know yourself pretty well so far. If you ever want to identify as LGBT without having to explain yourself further, you can always use the simple label "queer" and not go any further than that. And of course, "genderqueer" like you have suggested works too if you want to be more specific. You never have to tell anyone anything you don't want to.

If you meet a boy you like and you're worried about the relationship long term, it might be enough to explain you have a strong masculine side you're exploring. Just explain that you're not into other girls (if you aren't, I don't mean to assume) 'cause you know how boys get ideas. Some straight boys would even love to have a partner that's female a lot of the time and can be more male in the bedroom.

I can relate a little as far as why you wouldn't want to lose your breasts. Part of me doesn't want to lose a lot of muscle mass. I've been on more of a veggie diet (I do still eat meat just not as much) and I've probably lost a little mass already along with the rest of the weight. My arms feel lighter and look smaller. But I can actually do pull ups more easily, and I still do my weights just as well as always, and being fit was really why I liked having muscles. I just want to be able to be able to run and eat tasty food without worrying is all. But my tummy shrinks and my metabolism stays up just fine with smaller arms so I'm happy. But that was the one thing I really liked about my male body.

 

It kind of sounds like you could be an androgynous person (someone who does not fit into binary male or female gender roles, and may possess traits that are simultaneously feminine, masculine, or neither. )

 

Femininity and gender don't go hand in hand. That's why I am not "girly acting" even though I am gay. That's why I don't like people assuming that gay people are all feminine. Anything is possible, since orientation is a very fluid thing.

 

I guess a good question to ask yourself, well two,

On a 1 to 10, 1 is girly and 10 is boyish. How are you comfortable acting?

And same scale, if you gained the ability to shape shift, and when you relaxed and let go and just became your true self again, how much of a man or woman would that true self be?

---------- Post added 8th May 2013 at 11:26 PM ----------

Multi-quote don't fail me now.

Ugh this is the dumbest stereotype. And really it cuts both ways. It really sucks for basically everyone. Cis girls are expected to like guys. Guys are who us trans people have to impress if we wanna pass, even if we like other girls. Guys who act girly are expected to like guys. And liking guys is a weird step toward femininity to some people.

I mean it makes no sense. Isn't the whole point to a gay relationship, you know, that there isn't a girl in the relationship? Or in my case, no boy in the relationship?

 

Wow it sounds like you whipped out a calculator for that! You sound really literal minded like I am. I'd probably have made lists and assigned weights too.

Well I mean the point is though, how you act and how you are are two different things. I mean they're really closely related and it's hard to separate the two.

I think maybe an example might help me say what I'm trying to say. I'm wearing a necklace with a butterfly charm. I'm wearing it for two reasons.

One, it makes me feel more feminine and helps me see the girl inside when I look in the mirror. That's expression. I know what girls are supposed to look like, and I know a boy wouldn't be caught dead wearing something like that.

Two, it has a very deep personal meaning to me. The last few months I've felt like a butterfly struggling to make her way out of a cocoon. That's identity. It's part of who I am.

That's all I think there is to gender really, who you are, and what you want to show to the world.

 

It's way cool to have a little bit of range like that. You know there are models that can model clothing for both men's and women's clothing out there?

Femme takes a lot of work I found. But I've met guys that pull it off better than either me or my cis GF on our girliest days.

 

I know what you mean. Some times the person you are inside just needs a chance to come out. It kinda sucks the way we're expected to act some times.

Well heck since it looks like I get to be the first person to say it, welcome to EC!