1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I seriously need help figuring this out

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Swapsies, May 10, 2013.

  1. Swapsies

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tiny little hole in central europe: Hungary
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I seriously need help. I've been feeling weird about my gender identity for years. Pretty much since I was 15. I always felt jealous of girls, I felt more and more uncomfortable about my body the more masculine puberty made it. A couple months ago I started looking into this issue and the only conclusion I can come to is that I'm an MTF transsexual. This is of course incredibly depressing since my country, and my family are massively homophobic, and this isnt even just a case of simple homosexuality. I spent a solid 2 days looking, but there are absolutely no doctors in my 100 kilometer vicinity who have experience in gender identity issues, noone I could talk to. And even if somehow I found a doctor, or god forbid considered transitioning, I have absolutely no money for doctors or hormones, let alone surgeries. I went through denial and anger about all this, I'm in the middle of depression right now. I'm feeling incredibly depressed for months, I constantly have this feeling of weight on my chest, I'm having serious trouble concentrating on my studies which may very well lead to me being expelled from uni. I'm having suicidal thoughts all the time, but I'm scared. I'm unhappy but I want a shot at happiness, or at least figuring out what the heck I am. Please help. Any advice on figuring it out?
     
  2. YFerns

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Muscat, Oman
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Firstly, i am not an expert. Yet, i hope it helps.
    Dude, from your words, i gather that you are just in an awkward phase of life when you compare yourself with the opposite sex. But if you actually like men, it is a totally different situation.
    If you are gay, and your family is homophobic, i suggest moving out as quickly as possible into a homophillic environment, and meet up with LGBT groups or gay activists in your area.
    I also recommend listening to a few posts rather than relying completely on mine.
    Hope i helped. Good luck. :slight_smile:
     
  3. LesbianKitten

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2013
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa, Florida
    Hello Dear, I was in your shoes recently, and I want you to know it's going to be okay. You have came to the right place, there are many kind people here that will help and listen to you. There's also many hotlines that you could call if you are in serious trouble not with someone but yourself. <3
     
  4. Swapsies

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tiny little hole in central europe: Hungary
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Regarding my sexuality, I'm fairly certain I'm bisexual. The homophobic nature of my environment made me bury it, but I've been realizing it all throughout high school, and it became clearer as soon as I started uni over a year ago. But my issue isnt really that. It's that I'm utterly uncomfortable in my male body. I dont like being hairy, tall or muscular. I hate my broad shoulders, my beard, my voice. It's just becoming harder and harder each day and I see no light at the end of this tunnel.
     
  5. LesbianKitten

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2013
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa, Florida
    Start with something small, start to shave, or instead of working out with weights, do yoga that makes your body more slim then muscular. Keep your head up honey, there's plenty of people here to help.
     
  6. Swapsies

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tiny little hole in central europe: Hungary
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks a lot, LesbianKitten. I'll shave and maybe try to crossdress if I get some alone time at home. Thanks for everything again. :slight_smile: