Why and how did you become gay?

I don't know why I'm bi, and I don't know when I became bi.

 

I think you are born gay or bi. You don`t choose your own sexuality. I knew when i was very young.

 

You seem to have very stereotypical views of gay men. Your sexuality is not something you suddenly become. It's always there. Even if your preferences change over time.

 

I had a miserable time relating to what is 'masculine'...my dad was physically abusive, and most of my relatives always made me feel I am not normal, and I hung out mostly with girls cause they were nicer than the 'mean' boys....but eventually the girls said why do you hang out with us if you are a guy...so I was like well f both of you.

I was never attracted to girls sexually though, I was always attracted to guys. But when I realized I was gay I actually started to hang out with guys even more...because I was like maybe I am confused because I hang out with girls and it rubbed off on me.

It didn't work though...people also suspected I am gay...

I am not sure though wither my story made me gay, or that because I am gay this became my story...what I know for sure I didn't ever consciously decide...I want to like men and not women.

Religion tends to try to imply its your story that made you gay, while most lgbt imply its because you are born that way....no evidence of either unfortunately...probably a mixture of both...just like a type of diabetes.

 

I'm pretty sure that I naturally felt more secure with guys than girls. I never liked girls from the day I was born. I always felt this sense of "protection". Honestly, I don't know why. That's all I can tell you.

 

You know I don't mind getting lumped in with gay men because they're all - well heck since you're here, you're all really awesome people in my experience. And I totally get what you're trying to say. Heck I mean even though a lot of people still see me as a guy what you said doesn't really apply to me anyway since I'm not really a guy. But there are some people that might take that the wrong way if you see what I'm saying.

I'm not trying to duck your question. Believe it or not I've tried to think about sex with men to feel more like a "normal" girl. So far it hasn't worked. Not even the movie "velvet goldmine" :lol: The jury is still out because I've heard that hormones change that for some people. But I figured out I probably am always going to prefer other women exclusively after I came out trans. Basically long story short, I can only make that connection with another person if we're both women. I suspected for a long time, but it was a guarantee the first time I actually tried it with a partner that accepted me as a woman.

So I guess I never became gay. My gender identity and orientation were both really things that were just always there for me. I stopped denying and fighting them a while ago is all. And I also don't fight the idea that it could change for me when I experience hormones and having a vulva. In fact being bi or straight is kind of an awesome idea. Even though from what I've read women like me often remain lesbian because I don't have an urge to make love the way a man does.

I know there is drift and some time when other people are questioning or going back and forth. Everyone's experiences are different. Mine was just more of an "I'm fighting this part of me I don't want" deal. I think it would be really frustrating for some bisexuals that find themselves drifting toward one gender exclusively for a while, because none of the labels would really feel like it fit their identity at that point. And if that's what you're going through with this question (*hug*)

 

I was sexually abused, but I don't think it made me asexual because as far as I've seen asexuality is no more common among abuse survivors than among non-abused people. Far more abuse survivors wish they were asexual than actually are.

 

There are gay Christians here.
I have to say I'm blown away by your questions. They smack of dome serious homophobia. I have yet to encounter anyone here that's choosing to become gay. I have encountered plenty of people that are dealing with feeling of failure because the CAN'T choose to become straight no matter how hard they try.

I think if you're going to get the kind of answers you're looking for you'll have to give a detailed answer the question yourself.

All this is ignoring the fact that it seems like you're looking for tips on how to "turn" a straight guy. Which is just disrespectful and NOT ok.

 

I think it is just something you are born with. Environmental conditions may be a factor, but I don't believe your environment can bring forth something that wasn't already there.

 

Definitely born with it! When I look back now I see gay tendencies through my whole life.
I do however believe that traumatic experiences could change whether you live out or not (it could make you see that life is too short to fake it - even if it happens at a sub-conscious level) I also suspect that bad experiences of abuse by one gender could make you lean a bit more away from contact for a while till you work through your issues, but it won't change who you naturally fall in love with.

 

Okay... That was homophobic. My being a biromantic homosexual was in no way caused by me being a feminine crossdresser. That aspect of my personality is completely unrelated to my being a gay guy. I was genetically pre-programed this way, with moderate influences in the womb. I DID NOT BECOME GAY. I have always been gay and always will unless I am one of the few people who changed sexualities by way of extremely severe aneurism, and I mean a very, very small percentage. And I also did not become gay by way of not being as masculine as the boys around me and feeling insecure around them, considering the fact that I am damn hot and proud of it.
You seem extremly unknowlegeable with regards to the causes of LGBT. And we are not a mental illness, by the way, since having genes that give you a higher chance of being LG have been thought to be evolutionaryly BENIFITIAL.

 

You know people, there's fluid sexuality/fluid sexual orientation. Existence of it can suggests that it isn't necessarily something you are born with. It doesn't support choice too.

 

That's like me asking you when you chose to be bisexual LoL Also, I'm Christian as well.

^Another survivor here! And you're right! I wish I was asexual a majority of the time.

 

I kinda do feel that i became bi (and may be moving towards gay). In my early teens looking back, there is a progression that starts with being bullied, asking a girl out on valentines day when i was 13 and being badly rejected. From then i have become more and more attracted to guys, when there was no feeling there at all to begin with. Its like moving along a spectrum, and i dont think i have settled at any one point yet.

I do personally have a theory on it (may be total rubbish) that its because my dad isnt a very "alpha male" type and there was no real masculine figure in my early life. I was always the man of the house type thing. There is also bullying which i think contributed. On the opposite side im convinced my younger brother is gay, so maybe it is genetic (given i was the masculine figure with him growing up). Who knows for sure.

Im certainly not a feminine guy though, i go to the football, spend time with the "lads" in the pub and bookies etc. I would say i act more feminine now that im out and have less inhibitions, but i reckon alot of people (even straight) would be the same.

So to answer your question, i think i did become bi, thats not to say im not entirely wrong and just making things up in my head.

The brain really is an enigma at times

 

Did you have an aneurism, cause that is the only way I am going to be convinced that you turned bi. You stated that it started when you were 13, which implies that you were one of the many that stopped denying it to yourself when you began puberty. I can believe that you didn't Realise that you were bisexual until puberty, but you did not turn bisexual from being straight.

 

That may well be true, for the last few years, and especially the last 12 months or so i have become more attracted to guys. As you say it may be acceptance, but in my head i see it as a progression. Im not entirely sure either to be honest, realising im bi and turning bi would appear the same thing in terms of personal experience i suppose.

Your point about puberty is one i havent thought about before. It does tie in, though i do feel that if sexuality isnt a fixed thing, how it can be solely genetic seems bizarre. Maybe genetics made me bi but experience defines where along that spectrum i sit?

Who knows, without evidence its just speculation and experience i guess.

 

I wasn't saying that it was solely genetic, in base. It can be influenced by environmental factors, and the romantic spectrum of sexuality could probably be more heavily influenced by exposure to certain things in the womb, but ultimately, it can only be influenced so much. Ultimately, as studies have caused me to conclude, you can only shift so much. From my experience and knoledge and using the Kinsey scale, I can only conclude that womb exposure and early childhood development would only be able to shift you a single point either way on the scale from what you are genetically programed to be with regards to pure sexuality sexuality, in my opinion. I also believe that sexual sexuality would be completely set after puberty is over and done with. Romantic sexuality, I imagine, would be significantly more fluid, and one could, perhaps, shift as many as two points along the spectrum during womb and early childhood development, and I doubt it could change at all once puberty began. just my opinion.