Am I a transgender? Or am I simply a cross dresser... I've been lurking on these forums for a little while now, but I don't feel any closer to answering the questions I have about myself. I figured it was about time to start another thread. And this time I will make it as detailed and to the point as possible. I read a lot of stories about how transgender/transsexual people feel as though they were given the wrong body. They get this feeling early on in their lives (usually starting around puberty from what I understand). They often want to play the role of the other gender, and they don't like the direction their development was going. Now... I wasn't like this. Growing up, I suppose you could say I was pretty comfortable about myself. In fact, I cannot recall ever paying any special attention to how my body developed. Sure, I noticed it; But I didn't really have an opinion of it. To me, this shows that I didn't have a problem with being male, but there was no sign of being proud of it either. This remains true. In my late teens, I suddenly decided I wanted to let my hair grow a little more. My main explanation is that I wanted to try something new. As it got longer, I would refuse to cut it. Eventually I decided that I would not cut it and see how long it would get. As soon as it became long enough for me to put it back in a pony tail, I became attached to having it like this. Now, you may be thinking about how any male might do this; It's not uncommon for men to prefer to have long hair. But this is just a stepping stone to something... more... I think. My friends jokingly commented on how my new hair style made me look like a women, and I liked these comments. It pleased me. But this alone made me question why... because I often hear about how other guys would be offended or embarrassed about such comments. Why wasn't I? See, as a kid, when I cried my parents would comfort me and treat me as they would treat my sisters later on. I was taught to let my emotions out. Further more, they never pushed me to take on any particular interests such as sports or cars. I was never raised to defend my "manliness." Could it be that this, combined with my mellow personality, is the only reason why I do not take offense to such comments? And does my respect for women account for the amount of pride I take in it? Doesn't sound quite right to me... and there is more. On sites other than this one, I have chosen to opt out of specifying my gender. I do this because I want people to feel free to assume I am female. Of course, it's about a 50-50 chance that they will. On these sites I'm careful not to give hint to my gender one way or the other; I don't want to lie about my gender, but at the same time, I don't want to have to present as male all the time. Speaking of presenting myself, I found in recent years that I enjoy cross dressing. I do it when home alone, but I daydream of going out in public dressed as a women. My goal would be to trick everyone into believing a was actually female. For awhile, I assumed this might be for the adventure of it; I can be exciting to appear to be someone else. But... Then recently my mother was talking about the costume party she is planning on having this Halloween, and the moment I thought of what outfit I would go in, I pictured going in one of my dresses. I would shave my legs, have my hair and nails all done, and I would buy some clip on earrings (I've always been against piercings). After I thought about it longer, try as I might, I could not think of anything else I would want to go as. It would be an opportunity to out to my whole family in a relatively easy way. Alas, I doubt I will be able to bring myself to do it. I feel like it may be too much of a shock for some of those attending the party. And well... what if this isn't genuine? It seems as though I have developed a genuine desire to present as a female, but what if I merely think that. After all, it all started with taking comments about my feminine features as complements (not a big deal, right?) and then the cross dressing and the desire to present as a female... This was only 3 or 4 years ago. I didn't have these feelings from the beginning. What if these feelings only developed this far because I have been reading about the subject of transgenders all the while? But same as everything else I've written today... I can counter that question too. I have dreams in which I am female, and I enjoy it. Also, when I look at my body after a shower, I can picture it as a female body and it makes me happy. These aren't feelings that would come up just from reading a few stories... right? Unless I really just don't care one way or the other, and I would merely like to try being female if I could? That's a possibility! Is it likely that I'm a kind of "gender neutral," and I simply find the prospect of trying the side I wasn't born as to be kind of appealing? Whatever the case, I would really like to know. - Am I a male who has blown a simple thought out of proportion? - Am I a gender neutral that wants to try both genders? (thus leaning toward female because I've already had 20 years of male) - Or am I a female deep inside, and it has taken me more time than most to figure it out and express it? What do you think I am? I want your honest opinion. I'll greatly appreciate any replies you give! And if you want more details, just ask me. I'm fully prepared to provide more information. Thank you.
Just one thought - my brother is cis male, and he went around in a dress for Halloween. It's not exactly usual, but it's not proof someone's trans, either. So I say go for it - whether you're cis or some variety of trans, playing as the other gender for Halloween can be kind of fun.
I'd also say go out and dress too, and have a little fun with it. I know it's scary but you have to do this for you and your peace of mind. Just give it time though as to whether you're trans or not, there's no rush to label yourself -- those things will become clearer. I've thought that the ultimate steps to undergo HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) is not something to be taken lightly, so take your time until you know that you know who you are..
I agree with the above. Firstly, go for the dress on Halloween, I can't think of a better ocasion to come out or at least make everyone a little more aware of your true self. Secondly take a bit more time. Start to dress and act like female, see how it suits you. But I think you're a girl, don't know if you have disphoria whan seeing or touching your genitals(I get physicaly sick when I'm in the shower for example), and still, if you are so comfortable as female I'd say you just took your sweet time and started realising now My opinion: Go for transition(clothes,make-up,name,pronoun and so forth) without HRT and see where it takes you. Come out to a few friends, maybe your family too(allthough it might be easier for them to accept when you have a therapist backing your words). Hope all goes well for you! Kisses
Oh! I forgot about that term, cis. I'm still new at this. Well I see your point, I could likely be either, and the only thing I can really do is give this Halloween thing a try (if I can work up the courage). ~ I will remember to take it nice and slow, thank you. That's something I forgot to mention--I currently have no intention of starting HRT. The thought scares me... Sounds like a one-way trip. ~ Thank you! It seems you all agree that I should just take my time with this, and I agree too. There is no reason to rush. It makes me happy that you think I'm a girl But... I don't think I have dysphoria; I am fine seeing and touching my genitals. The only thing is, I often find myself unhappy or dissatisfied with them and wishing I had the other. This isn't all the time, but when I think about it at all it usually happens.
