Hello. This is my first post here. I am wondering if I am transgender? The gender I was given at birth is male. But lately I have been thinking I am a female. When I was younger, I liked such things as Hello Kitty. I was slightly teased for this with people saying "Hello Kitty is for girls and you are a boy." Now, I wanted to fit in and stopping liking Hello Kitty because, well, people were always saying Hello Kitty was for girls and I was a boy. I did once try to wear my mother's clothing when I was younger, but I got caught and I never did that again. I did sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a girl, and I sometimes had dreams in which that happened. Now back to the present. I completely hate my body hair and facial hair and have attempted to shave all of it off. Now, my razor is not perfect, but atleast some of it is gone. Not having much body hair has made me a bit more happy. I do dislike my male "parts" a bit as well. I do not really like it when people use male pronouns to talk to me. On a video game called Minecraft, I have a female-looking skin(character). When a user on a server used the pronoun "she" to talk about me, I was just feeling so happy. Lately, I have been hating being a male more and more, and feeling like being a female would be a better fit for me. So, am I transgender?
Hi Catperson and welcome! Transgender is an "umbrella term". That means it covers everyone who steps outside of their assigned gender for any reason. So yes, you are definitely transgendered. Everyone who dresses in the clothes of the other sex, or any of the other things you mentioned, is transgendered. If you are asking if you are a girl, as much as I'd like to answer that question, I can't. You have to. There are boys that do all the things that you've done. But if you are a girl, then those things you've done and experiences you've had are things that you can keep in mind when you doubt yourself. The best way to ask that question I've found is this: inside, is it more likely that I am a girl, or a boy. If you are a girl, there's another word that you can choose to use to describe yourself, and that word is transsexual. A transsexual is someone that was born with a body that doesn't match who they are inside. Some people call themselves "non-operative transsexuals", which means that they know who they are, but they don't take any medicine or get any surgery to help them become girls on the outside. For me I feel like I need hormones, because the effects testosterone have on me keep getting worse - especially inside - and I want to eventually get some kinds of surgery, because I don't want to be a woman with boy parts. There are as many opinions on those things as there are trans* people. For me, I just look forward to the day when I can live a more normal life. Well not completely normal because I'll probably always be gay, but I'm cool with that. Hopefully I'll have a woman who loves and understands me when I'm done transitioning. I'm just glad that it's possible, that doctors have options for people like me now. I do want to mention, there are also some people that aren't girls or boys out there, just something to keep in mind. I also want to mention, most boys your age look forward to getting their first facial hairs, not trying to cut them off. I was really sad when my voice started to crack and I couldn't sing in choir any more. I'm definitely a girl and I've always been one. I just tried very hard, because I'm in a male body, to be a boy for a long time, starting when I was about as old as you. What I learned was that sometimes you have to be safe, but you should always try to be as honest with yourself and the people around you as you can be. It's hard because you don't always know the answers, and the people around you seem so sure when they talk to you. But don't let anyone talk you into being something you are not.
So, you're saying that every man who decides to crossdress for the reason of comfort or clothes preference or even fetishes is a transgender. As an autogynephilic, I have to say that is insulting as transgender is usually used to imply the person believes he is the opposite gender and crossdressers do not always believe themselves to be the opposite gender. Crossdressing is not to be considered a transgender condition because many crossdressers do not believe in gender and many do not believe themselves to be of the opposite gender. Also, not everyone believes in the notions of psychological differences between the sexes which also includes some crossdressers.
To be honest, I think I find this comment more insulting than anything that was said before hand. Transgender encompasses many things. Transsexual is a subsection which refers to those who are identify with a gender different to that they were assigned at birth due to reasons which you seem not to believe in. But it's okay that you don't. I'm just delusional, right?
Did I say that you are delusional? Not at all. I'm simply stating that there are people who crossdresses for reason other than gender identity as they think as the gender they're assigned with at birth and there are even feminine men who crossdresses that still thinks of themselves as a man and also pointing out that not every crossdresser believes in the concept of gender. Where did I say my position on transgenders? I could have said think of themselves as the opposite gender, but too late on that. As you know that I'm an autogynephilic, I understand that there are some crossdressers who do it for fetish and as one, I do not think of myself as a female in spite of having fantasies with having sex with men as a woman because I like to think from the female perspective with regards to the mechanics of sex.
You know... there is a lot of debate about whether or not autogynephilia is just a symptom of being transgender (maybe not completely binary mtf trans). The pattern seems to be that people who realize their feelings in childhood think they are transgender while the people who realize their feelings in early adulthood seem to think of it as a fetish. If you go ask a bunch of autogynephiliacs whether or not they would choose to be a woman if they could switch a switch you will get a huge majority to say yes in a heart beat, but they can't change because of xyz reason. Clearly there are some gender issues if you can only orgasm thinking of yourself as a woman. The only reason I mention this is that a lot of autogynephiliacs seem very conflicted with their self-declared fetish.
Well, then I apologise for my rashness. To be honest, I could've and should've read your post more carefully. As for the terminology, I understand why you may not wish to be put under the transgender umbrella, but for a technical point of view, we are both under that term. I do understand the differences between transsexualism, crossdressing and autogynephilia. As for the OP, it does seem likely to me that you are trans. However, you are the only one who can definitely know for sure. If it's difficult, try looking at how much evidence you have for yourself being trans and then look at how much evidence you have for being cis.
First and foremost. I don't ever like to assume with people, and since I have first-hand experience with how exhausting and even painful the wrong label can be, I always try to use the labels people want to use to describe themselves. I didn't know you were autogynophylic, and I'll make an effort to use that term when I'm talking to you and referring to your gender identity in the future. I won't use the term "transgender" to refer to you now that I know you find it offensive, and I regret using it here for that reason. I still believe it was the correct term to use in giving someone else advice in coming to terms with herself and the differences she has noticed between herself and others. And I've talked to you a few times here Reptilian, and it's been fun each time. I do have a deep respect for you Second, there is obviously a lot of semantic debate. Great example, my life partner, for a long time, didn't believe that non-operative transsexuals existed; by her definition, transsexual meant fully transitioned from one binary sex and gender role to the other. I don't try to "correct" her, and if someone refers to themselves as a non-op she says she'd use the term to be polite. She since has started using the term to refer to transitioners like me, but the point is, language has that subjective nature to it, and she's not using it to offend. Words really do just mean what we all agree they mean. But that said, we usually do turn to authoritative sources like dictionaries when there's conflict. So in Sexual Hygiene and Pathology in 1965, when psychiatrist John F. Oliven invented the term, he actually was referring specifically to cross-dressers. He was doing it to make the point that sexuality and gender identity aren't necessarily linked; for a long time people treated them as though they were, and treated gay transsexuals like me as though we weren't "real" transsexuals. Your point that expression and identity aren't linked - that cross-dressers don't often feel as though they are women - is a valid and important one. And while I don't share your opinion, there are a lot of valid and well thought arguments for people that share your view on gender differences at a psychological level. Most people in my experience include those kinds of cross-dressers in the term "transgender". The term started gaining use in the '70s as an umbrella term. And I disagree with you regarding most people implying cross-gender feelings. It's been my experience that most people in fact do use "transgender" to mean something more similar to "coloring outside the gender lines". And that was the way I intended it here. OP, all that counts for you as well. I really was just trying to be supportive and nice. If I offended you at all, I'm in the wrong, and if you let me know, I'll use different language. Please also respect yourself enough to be willing to correct people when they do offend you; what Reptillian did here was honestly what I'd be happier with more people doing in real life. If you decide to use female gender pronouns, and the people around you refuse to, you will feel this urge to dismiss it and not rock the boat. Please don't, especially if it causes you any emotional pain, which it might if you've accepted yourself as a woman. ---------- Post added 18th May 2013 at 11:07 AM ---------- There I go assuming again, s/your/their Sorry, I would have corrected that if I caught it soon enough.
Personally, I wouldn't call crossdressing (I'm not sure what autogynephilia is) to be transgender. The way I see it is that gender identity (what gender you consider yourself to be) and gender expression (how you match up with stereotypes of gendered behavior) are separate things, and only differences in gender identity should count as transgender. I mean, a few generations ago, me wearing pants would be considered crossdressing. And I hate wearing dresses, not because of anything to do with my identity as a girl, but just because dresses feel uncomfortable and are awkward to sit in if you like to sit like a frog. It seems silly to me to say that I'd have been transgendered if I was born 60 years ago, but I'm not transgendered now. Whereas gender identity is a lot less culture-dependent. What is masculine or feminine can change, but all cultures have most people developing an identity consistent with their birth gender, and a few people who have issues with that identity.
The words transgender, trans*, trans, and transsexual are all really hotly debated, for reasons that should be pretty obvious to all of us. I really think the intent behind the "trans" in "transgender" was more like the trans in "transhumanist" than the trans in "transition". That is, "above gender". And the way I've seen it explained many places online, it's supposed to cover both expression and identity. But again, I definitely see where you're coming from. Really, discussions like this one are the big reason why trans* with the asterix became a common term. It's very difficult to nail down definitions everyone will agree upon, that are fair to everyone and respect everyone's identity. I'm just hoping all of this is on the level for the OP. You're really entering kind of a rich world when you start stepping out of gender norms. It's such an important and powerful part of our lives that everyone has an opinion on it. Even with cisgendered (that means that your identity lines up with your birth gender) straight people, there are a lot of political and social realities that come with gender. And then of course you have very awesome people out there deliberately making things even more difficult with identities like "genderqueer", because in some people's opinions a lot of the differences in things like gender roles are completely unfair and silly things that should be challenged. Believe it or not, even though I identify as part of the binary ("binary" here means just "male/female", "boy/girl"), I think these people are really great, because as a transitioner I am spending a lot of time in the "in between" space, and people that deliberately live in the in between space make it a lot easier to deal with. But one thing about challenging our ideas about gender and analyzing just how much of gender is socially constructed, is that it makes it really difficult to peg down things like individual people's identities with language that doesn't change. It's all a big mess, and really cleaning up the mess is kind of counterproductive. So some people tried to use the word "transgender" to get past it, and when that didn't work, trans* with the asterix came about. And personally I plan on making more of an effort to use trans* rather than transgender in the future.
Thanks for the replys everyone. Would it be a good idea to tell my mother that I think I am transgender?
hey honey, welcome to EC! what is your mother like? how do you think she would react, i mean is she against gay and trans people? do you think she would support you?
My mother is a teacher, so she might be more accepting of my than others. My father, however, would likely reactt very badly. What should I so?
There's no best way. Some times it's worth it. She could be supportive and your best ally. Some times people have to wait until later in life, when they are on their own and have some independence. It's up to you and it's a risk. If you take that risk and it doesn't pan out though, you could still try to go to college or get a job. If it does go well your mom could help you tell your dad. But if you don't feel safe, then it might be best not to. As far as how to do it, you are going to have to come up with your own words and they need to be from the heart. If you are worried she won't understand you can give her some stuff from pflag that might help, http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/OTC_5thedition.pdf If you're just looking for courage, then just imagine spending your whole life as a boy. Sometimes when we are about to take a risk, we only look at what happens when we take that risk, and we don't imagine what would happen if we didn't. Good luck! Keep us posted on what happens with you, will you?
