Hi. I'm Jade, and I'm psychologically androgynous. I'm asking this question because being an androgyne is so hard to explain! I've tried explaining it to people, and I've always been asked things that I'm not prepared to answer, like "so how are you different? What makes you different from anyone else?" I guess it's good that there are people who see me as being perfectly normal, but I really do feel like my mind doesn't match my body. I don't really know how to explain it, but I've always had this sense that my body is wrong. So has anyone ever come out as being androgynous? I haven't, although it's not really like I haven't had opportunities. I've been asked questions like "Why do you want to look like a boy", so I could have taken that chance to explain myself, but it's so hard to do! What should I do? Should I just be androgynous and gradually change my appearance little by little, or does something need to be said? I don't want to say anything, but I feel like if people only see me as a biological female (which is what I call myself since I don't want to be called anything like woman or lady or girl), they don't know who I am. I mean, sure, being tomboyish is not a big deal. People around where I live are pretty used to it. In fact, guys love it! But I feel like my gender orientation goes beyond that. I'm not a feminist. I don't believe that there's any negative connotation on a societal level to being female. This isn't about rights or roles or bathrooms. This is about my true self coming out. I'm sorry, but even though I was born in this body, I am not a girl. You know what, no, I'm not sorry. I don't have to apologize. I need to break myself of apologizing for everything, but that's a different story. So anyway, anyone ever had to do this? Has anyone out there ever had to come out and tell their parents that they're not their little girl/boy and that they're actually the opposite or somewhere in between? Any advice would be abundantly helpful. My husband knows, and a few of my friends do, but I am so afraid to tell people. I'm afraid they'll just dismiss it as me being confused. And maybe I am, but if I am, it's because I'm a man. I'm certain at this point as I have been all my life that I'm not a woman. Again, this is not a social thing. This is because I know deep down that my body is wrong. Also, if you are androgynous, I know there's not really a "sex change" option, but anything dealing with physical appearance would also help. :help::help::help: Thanks. ~Jade
first of all, a huge high-five for using the correct gender label, androgyne. it seems that hardly anyone is familiar with this gender identity and think that the word "androgynous" = "androgyne" when "androgynous" is simply an adjective which could describe anything. i am a bit confused by the "it's because i'm a man" part of our post, though. anyway, welcome to EC. i do not identify as an androgyne, but i'm in a similar position as i see myself as neither male nor female nor a combination of the two. neutrois would probably be the best word to describe me... i have not yet spoken to anyone about this besides my partner, so i'm afraid i cannot help you there. when it comes to bottom surgery, there is such a thing as "gender nullification surgery" where the genitals are removed/closed, but very few surgeons perform this surgery. for one, any kind of major surgery like this first requires official diagnosis from a psychiatrist/therapist and very few acknowledge the existence of such a gender identity. on the other hand, there is an ever growing number of doctors who are genderqueer friendly when it comes to top surgery and HRT, so that is still an option. physical appearance wise..... dress however you feel comfortable? the entire point of transitioning/coming out is so that you can be yourself, right? if you wish to flatten your chest without surgery, binders are a good way of doing so. i, personally, am thinking of cutting my hair rather short.... not sure if that would be something for you or not. ah, and one more thing.... i am so jealous of your name. ;( i have a similar name that's obviously female and had actually be toying with the idea of going by Jade...
Awe, thanks. I'd like to think my name is pretty ok. You should totally go by that. I happen to know quite a few people with that name, and they are all creative and beautiful. : ) The reason I referred to myself as a man is because all I really know right now is that I'm not a woman. I'm probably just androgynous, but on the gender spectrum, I gravtitate strongly toward the masculine end. I basically am confused because I know that my body is not aligned to my personality, but I'm not sure what else I am. Right now, I'm identifying as androgynous because there are some advantages to being biologically female, like that I can dress androgynously without getting serious flack from random people on the street and the fact that I am married to a wonderful man in a state that bans same-sex marriage. Sometimes, I do like to go out in dresses and heels and some glitter in my hair, but I also wear boxer briefs and wish I could grow a beard and run around with my shirt off. It's all very confusing, but again, all I know is that I'm not a woman and have never felt comfortable as one. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it. : ) ~Jade
Lol! I was a vegetarian once.... But I am underweight. I actually went to college with two girls named Jade, one of which has a Wiccan dad who is really awesome. I also tutored 3rd-graders, and one of the kids I worked with was named Jade, but it's true that other than that young girl, I'm the only skinny Jade I know. I also had a friend on MySpace who was a guy named Jade, and he was thin (in his profile pic anyway, since I've never actually met him). But generally, in my experience, it's viewed as a very sexy, exotic name, plus being a gender-neutral name is awesome. :icon_bigg
I knew a girl named Jade. We were friends years and years ago, like when I was 9. She was also a twin, although I haven't seen either of them in ages. I remember I was always really jealous of her green eyes and curly black hair. I've always liked the name Jade!
....now i'm even more confused and am getting the impression that you just happened to use the term "androgyne" previously by chance. "androgynous" and "androgyne" are not synonymous. see here as to why. (note: the site seems to be down at the moment...) you say you called yourself a man because you know you aren't a woman.... are you aware that there are more than just the two genders male and female...? i feel like you would get farther in your search for people similar to you/in your search for advise within the LGBTQ community if you were more familiar with the various gender identities that exist and referred to them by name. simply describing yourself as androgynous is very vague and even someone who does identify as a female could use that word to describe themself. try looking into these terms either via google or by searching EC: genderqueer agender transmasculine genderfluid neutrois genderless androgyne (see the link above when it's working) perhaps in your search you'll find something that you identify with. goodluck!
Thanks for that. I'd read about all that before, but I guess at the time, I was young and had a hard time distinguishing. I admit, I am still pretty confused. I don't think I'm male, but I don't want to be female. It's all just really scary and weird. I am kind of afraid that maybe I'm too young to know who I am, but I've always been very impatient with myself. I'd say that, right now, I can probably be best described as genderfluid. I do gravitate toward masculinity, but every now and then, I go through a short phase where I feel super-feminine. A lot of things just don't stick. I'm very back and forth. I'll definitely be sure to talk to my therapist about this during my next appointment. Going through this is really unsettling. :icon_sad:
Hey Jade, I think I feel kind of similar to you. I don't like the idea of body hair (at least not that I can tell yet), but I think my ideal body is somewhere in between the sexes, with male parts. Inside I feel like a little boy most of the time, but there are times that I feel intensely female. I too am very impatient with myself, and I think that's one of the hardest parts about this. From what I've found I seem to get the farthest when I relax and just let my feelings exist without trying to quantify or hide them. It's sort of ironic that you can learn the most by doing nothing. But nothing is very hard to do. Have you tried meditation? I find that helps me sit with my feelings.
Actually, yes. That's the whole reason I'm here to begin with. I'm taking a life coaching class for school right now, and we do a lot of guided meditations. The ones I've gotten the most from, though, are the unguided ones. There are two that really got to me in terms of my gender identity. One was done looking into a mirror for two minutes. The other--which was the most clarifying in my opinion--was three minutes of chewing three raisins one by one followed by three minutes of quiet meditation where I had to just "sit and be". I thought it sounded weird at first, but I got a lot from it. When I meditate, I am confronted with the fact that my soul is not female. It's kind of unsettling since I'm not really sure what to do with that. But yeah, I think we're a lot alike. Thanks for your feedback. :icon_bigg I don't know about you, but I was raised by really LGBTQ-phobic, religious parents, so that makes things harder. I think they kind of know something's different about me because of the way I dress and cut my hair, but they probably think it's a weird phase or something. Their impatience with me growing up led to my impatience with myself, so there's that struggle, too. It's hard to get it through my head that I'm not bound by their rules anymore and that I can do what I want on my own time.
I'm mentally androgynous. However unlike you I feel more like I'm not entirely female or male, but this means I'm okay with being called a girl, I'd just prefer being able to pass as both. It only sometimes bother me when I've been girled too much.
