Hey everyone, so I've been thinking about gender a lot. I've noticed that my thoughts of needing to be a woman haven't gone away over the years. But I also know that I've been absolutely terrified of expressing my femininity because I would be seen as less of a person for not being manly enough in society's eyes. At least that's the way it comes across to me. So I'm reminding myself to be femme in small ways so I can overcome my fear. Fear seems to be like a habit, once you get stuck in it you have to really push yourself out of it. Sometimes I will feel the testosterone inside of me and I think of guys like the Rock and I know that's not me! I don't always feel feminine, sometimes I feel macho but I don't really like seeming or feeling that way. It just bothers me a lot. But as I've been pushing myself away from my fear, I've been comparing myself to women and keep remembering how my reflection doesn't show me how I see myself inside, in my heart of hearts. It just bothers me intensely but not 24/7. How frequent does dysphoria really bother you all? I know we have MtF and FtM here, and I was just wondering if what's going through my head is common or not..:bang:
I think your experience is fairly normal. My guess is that for most transgender people, dysphoria is not a 24/7 experience-- not that it can't be, but 24/7 dysphoria would make me unable to function at all. I have periods when I enjoy being feminine, but they're infrequent and only in special circumstances. Most of the time I feel more confomfortable being me as I get farther in transition. The more I pass, the less I feel dsyphoric. I think your experiences are perfectly normal in terms of dysphoria and I wouldn't let it worry you undully.
Yeah it varies on the person. Sometimes I like being in guy mode and it doesn't bother me, but if I see myself or anything like that it hits me. I also hate shaving my face (mostly because it's annoying) but also because I shouldn't have to shave there you know? So yeah I'd say what you're feeling is pretty common. Sorry the dysphoria's getting to you hun... (*hug*) If you ever need to vent or anything just send me a message.
I basically always feel dsyphoric, maybe not quite 24/7 though. Sometimes I feel really feminine, and that makes me really happy. Other times I somewhat feel... androgynous, but I don't ever really feel masculine. So, it feels like I'm either really feminine, slightly feminine or neutral. So when I look at myself in the mirror, almost every time I get really depressed or uncontrollably obsessive because I feel my male body is a massive contradiction to everything I've ever wanted or felt, which drives me crazy. I spend hours trying to find femininity about my body, which makes me really unhappy. So, yeah...It does bother me a lot, but it still doesn't completely incapacitate me somehow. Somehow, I manage. This is just my experience...Everyone is different and feels differently.
Wow thanx you all! It seems like the more I talk about this stuff, the more my doubts fade away. I'm so glad we have a safe place like Empty Closets to talk about it, when people I know in real life wouldn't necessarily be able to relate as they've never experienced those emotions and thoughts.
