Resources for People Questioning in Their Twenties?

You cannot imagine how happy I was to find a section about questioning orientation, especially one that is open to different ages and backgrounds!

A little bit about me- I am a 24 year old female who until very recently never would have questioned that I was anything but straight. I grew up in a liberal, progressive household in a city with a large LGBT community. I have one close family member who is out as a Lesbian. I have friends of most every orientation under the rainbow and have been part of a primary support group for several friends who came out somewhere on the LGBT spectrum. I also have a medical condition called PCOS, where one of the side effects is that I have a very limited sexual appetite- I did not have any kind of sexual feelings until I was 19 and have not had sex with either men or women yet. I have had one boyfriend and there was lots of kissing and touching but I never felt attracted to him sexually, I felt attracted to his good characteristics (kindness, loving nature, etc).

Growing up I did not really have crushes on boys or girls. The one boy I did have a crush on in elementary school grew up to be a drag queen, and I suspect he may now be identifying as trans. I have not dated much, partially because of a lack of sexual desire, partially because of self esteem issues (which I have been addressing with a counselor for almost two years and have made great strides on), and because growing up I took on the role of family caretaker for my parents. Now that I have moved to a new city for grad school and have sought counseling I feel like I am finally starting to get to know myself, life seems to have thrown me a curve ball.

I have always had a hard time dating and relating to males. I find some males attractive but when I go on dates I often feel like I do not "get them" and that they do not get me. I am excited (and scared) about the idea of heterosexual sex. While taking a long meditative shower a few weeks ago I said to myself "Maybe since I have such a hard time connecting with guys I should date women". And unlike other times where I may have said this to friends and be joking it was like this planted a seed in my mind. I started considering instances where I have been attracted to my female friends. I started reading lesbian profiles on dating sites and felt very attracted to "butch" and "soft butch" women. I have watched some lesbian adult movies and found myself very turned on by them.

I still have a hard time identifying as anything but straight. I am not in a rush to put a label on anything, nor do I need to decide anything for myself tonight. I am just struggling to find resources out there for people like me. It seems that the majority of helpful sites out there are either for young tweens and teens or for adults who "always knew" that they were gay/bi/etc. I cannot seem to find any sources for people like me who identified as 100% straight and came from open, progressive backgrounds.

So what I would like to know from the wise and helpful folks of EC is
1. Can anyone help me find resources/readings for people like me?
2. Does anyone have or know of someone who has a story similar to mine?
3. Is it really possible to be from a liberal, supportive background with a strong gay community and not have/realize any homosexual feelings until your mid twenties?

I am having dinner with a trusted friend this weekend who identified as a lesbian her entire adult life before falling in love with a man two years ago (she now identifies as bi). I trust her to listen to my thoughts and feelings and give honest/loving feedback. I do not feel ready to bring this up with my counselor yet.

 

Thanks for the replies!

Tetraquark, I spent a little time browsing Natalie Reed's blog, and I could identify a lot with what she was saying, this is a really great resource that I will continue to use. In the past I have done reading on the aseual community (when my PCOS symptoms were stronger). Luckily I had a doctor in my late teens who was very receptive to my either being asexual or that I just have a pretty screwy hormone imbalance. After finding a treatment plan that works for me I can confidently say it's the latter, though I still identify with a lot of what the asexual community has to say. I will probably never have a "normal" sex drive, but with being in grad school full time with two internships and a big thesis to write I actually see a lack of sex drive as a positive in my life, at least for the next year or so. At this point I am much more interested in "figuring myself out" so that (1) I am more in touch with myself and what I want and (2) when I am ready for a girlfriend/boyfriend/who knows, I will have a better understanding of who I want to date. Thank you again for the advice and for being brave enough to be the first person to respond to my post!

Femmeme, thank you so much for sharing your original post, I can identify with so much of what you are saying! The shame of not knowing your sexual preferences as an adult (and for me the social stigma that is attached to being a virgin when I would like to have a partner), being in communities that think in extremes (when I was little I was not aware that there were "lipstick lesbians" and thought that women who identified as lesbian had to give up the feminine things that I loved/still love), I am also attracted to drag queens and both trans men and women (for me, I think it's that they have the confidence to be be themselves, they seem know themselves so well), and fear of the stigma of being a bi woman. This last part is a little strange in my case, because when I meet someone who identifies as bi or queer I listen to their stories and treat them as an individual (does all this fancy language give away that I am in the counseling field?) but when I hear the words bi or queer I have this image of people who are immature and will sleep with anyone, for bi women it is to get the attention of men and for people who are queer it's just to get off. I KNOW that these things are not true, but the media has done a great job of planting those seeds in my head. One of the hardest things about the last couple of weeks is that I have had to realize I have biases in the LGBT world. I am doing my best to start to confront them!

Another thing I have had to confront, which has been hard as a feminist, and I'm sure will get a few eye rolls on here, is that I want more of a heteronormative gender roles relationship. No I don't mean that I want to stay home with 10 children and have an allowance from my husband every week, but I do like the idea of having a more "masculine" partner who knows how to fix things, change motor oil, would be more math/science/logic oriented, whereas I really like cooking and setting up a house, I definitely have a loving, nurturing, touchy-feely personality, and I definitely identify as an artist (both for fun and as a teacher). I think a lot of modern feminists are trying to shift out of this 80's power-attorney mom with shoulder pads mindset but women who chose to run mommy blogs are still seen as "not living up to their potential". So on top of the feminist stigma that exists I am also just now (slowly) realizing that I could have that stereotypical masculine/feminine relationship with a partner who is female. I don't have to limit myself to male partners (which is liberating and terrifying!). I also became very emotional when I watched the video posted on your wall. Although our stories are not identical, it is so comforting to know there is someone else out there who has had so many of the feelings that I have had.