On top of a lot of other crap, this is bothering me the worst. I've had no sleep for two days, and it is really early in the morning, so bear with me, please. I can't tell whether I'm genderfluid, neutrois, or male. Or none of the above. It's pissing me off a little. Lately, I've been feeling a little uncomfortable with what I have down there, and I read some of the terms, got some information through PMs to those who might have felt like this in some way, and well...no conclusions have been met. That isn't to say they weren't helpful. The people I asked brought out wonderful thoughts that I pondered on for a couple weeks now. I just haven't met any conclusions with myself. I've been having dreams that won't quit bugging me. It's the same dream, basically. Where I am with my partner, and I appear to be a either a girl or boy, BUT I have no genitalia. Nothing down there. Back to consciousness. Sometimes, when I am not thinking about it, it feels fine. Nothing weird at all. Feel great. But well since I'm filling out job applications for the summer, when I get to MALE [ ] or FEMALE [ ], it throws me off a bit. I start to think about it. I don't feel female. I don't feel male. I don't want my genitalia. I don't like it being down there. I don't like being called female. I don't like being called male. I don't like being called anything but Josh or It, like the creature I am. Searching for concrete answers in a gray area is confusing, and this might not have even made sense, but I tried my best. Good luck with reading the mush coming from my irritating, idiotic brain.
i'm sorry that this is causing you such distress/frustration. :/ i'll straight up say that i doubt i'll be able to help you (sorry), but i'd still like to comment. i'm sure there is a lot more to your story than what's been said here, but nothing you've said here sounds like fluidity of gender to me...? nor does it sound like you identify as a male either. so may i ask why you are considering genderfluid and male as possibilities...? i am someone who identifies as neither male, nor female, nor a mixture of the two, but i have yet to choose any particular label to name my identity. i have considered agender, androgyne, genderless and neutrois as options, but i personally feel them each not fitting for one reason or another. for example, androgyne suggests a mixture of masculinity and femininity which i am not and neither agender nor genderless seem appropriate as i feel that i do have a gender-- a very definite one at that. i like neutrois the most and find it most fitting, personally. however, i dislike the assumption of surgical/hormonal transitioning that seems to invariably associated with it. when i read your post neutrois was the thing that came to my mind, but i feel unqualified to advise anyone else about a gender identity that i have yet to identify as myself.... ...sorry for the useless post, just throwing my thoughts out there.
It wasn't useless at all. Helped me realize my own flaws in my post, and if I am just confusing all of this stuff with something else. I'm not even sure anymore. I think I accidentally equated me not thinking about it to fluidity. I threw in the part about the male because it was what I was assigned at birth and I don't know whether I should go with that or something else or what. I haven't had sleep for two days, either. Most of this looks like mashed potatoes.
i see, thanks for the clarification. although your posts don't look like mashed potatoes to me, i really hope you manage to get some sleep soon.... :/
