Transition or suicide?

First of all, as you yourself say suicide is never the answer. I personally don't have any answers when it comes to trans* issues, because I've never experienced them. However, I'll throw a word in that I don't think that your dysphoria has to be so severe that you're contemplating suicide in order to transition - if it's what makes YOU feel good and yourself, go for it! I'm sure lots of trans* people have transitioned before a thought of suicide entered their minds.

Just yesterday, I was reading this article about schools struggling with transitioning kids at 6! I don't think these kids even know what suicide is likely, yet alone have contemplated it.

It sounds like you're ready to transition, so the "simple" question is what's stopping you? I've been asking myself this about coming out a lot lately....

 

I wanted to give a response to this one, just keep in mind that I am not as knowledgeable on trans* issues as I should be (it`s a work in progress).

I think, personally, that it shouldn`t have to go to the point where the person in question is considering or thinking about the alternative being death. Transition requires energy and strength, I assume, because as far as I have understood it transitioning is not an easy process, so having back-up strength and energy to walk the steps towards being comfortable in your own skin is important. If a person waits until he/she is practically drained due to dysphoria and unhappiness, I would think it would make the process even more difficult and cause further depression.

I think the earlier in the process a person gets the right help, from the right type of professional, preferably someone who either specializes in trans* matters or who has the right kind of experience, so that he/she can figure out with counseling if transitioning is wanted/needed, the better. Putting it on hold until a person is desperate, is not healthy.

Again, just my thoughts and I am sure you could get better answers from someone who has more knowledge and experience on the subject. It`s just a pet peeve of mine, that people don`t walk it alone and confused for longer than they have to.

It`s great that you have a supportive dad!
*hugs*

 

You don't need to be absolutely desperate to go through transition. Just uncomfortable enough that it makes the problems of transition worth it for you.

 

The people who say this are the same ones who are obsessed with preventing cis people from transitioning 'by accident' and are against it in general. It sounds like you know whether it's right for you already, so don't let people get in your head or torture yourself just to prove you're serious.

 

My dysphoria isn't really that bad, but I plan to transition fully unless my current situation were to change. It's about what you feel that you need to be happy. I'll put it this way. Would you ever want to be in a situation where you are suicidal because of dysphoria? We transition to prevent ever getting to that point. Besides, if you're suicidal and you tell a therapist that when you're trying to start transition they won't recommend you, so either people who transition are hiding the fact that they're suicidal (which does happen) or it really isn't that true in the first place.

Just remember to do what you feel you need to be happy, hun. That's what transitioning is about; aligning ourselves with who we feel we are. I hope this helps... Remember you can talk to me anytime you need too. (*hug*)

 

You know which path will make you happy. Don't refuse to take it simply because there might be some people who are even more unhappy than you are. There isn't a limited supply of happiness or transition in the world.

Be glad that you've never felt suicidal. Don't punish yourself for it. And remember that everyone has doubts, and they don't make what you know in your heart any less true.

 

i don't know if you've come across this blog but i've been reading zinnia jones' blog and i thought of this article when i read your post. maybe you would find it interesting?

Because I Choose It » Zinnia Jones

"In retrospect, I can see that there were plenty of choices available to me throughout all of this. Could I have chosen not to present as a woman, not to take a female name, and not to go by female pronouns? Yes. I could have chosen not to do any of this, at any step of the way. Would I have survived if I had chosen differently? In all likelihood, yes, but I doubt I would have truly thrived. Because of the choices I made, the world that’s opened up to me is better than anything that came before. And knowing what I know now, I would never choose to go back."

this is something she writes about quite a bit. i'm not sure if i identify as trans (and i don't want to speak over anyone or say anything wrong) but i agree with her that you don't have to be trans in a particular way for your identity or desire to transition to be legitimate. if transition is what you WANT (and it definitely sounds to me like you do) then it is legitimate. there's no benchmark of suffering you have to meet before it's ok -- if it's what you want, then it's ok.

good luck xx

 

You know, earlier on in this year I'd came across a bunch of the stuff we all come across. And I just went ahead and spread it. All the "WARNING: Renee Richards" stuff (she was a famous tennis player who transitioned gender and became pretty outspoken against transition). It was basically a lot of "don't transition unless you're really really sure or you'll be sorry" stuff.

I spread it because it actually helped me come to terms with who I am. I realized that the problem these people were coming across, the way they described life after transition, was very close to my life before transition. There were still other things to consider before I decided transition was right for me, but understanding where my opposition from other people was coming from helped a whole lot. But I realized after I shared it with other people, that I was making things scarier than they should be.

I think that's a big part of why I hate the language we use. "Transsexual" is this "extreme" thing, partly because we have to fight so hard if we want to be transsexuals. It's a huge scary thing, because to many people - hey me included, and anyone else who has a gender preference in a sexual partner - gender is a huge important thing.

To me a "transsexual" is someone that feels like they aren't their assigned sex. That's it. You don't have to have any surgery. You don't have to dress as the gender you feel you are. Ash from Misfile is a transsexual to me. Wanda from the Sandman comics was transsexual. I don't think you have to transition if you want to use that label to describe yourself.

But if you take a hard look at your life and decide you need to transition, you don't need to wait until you're desperate. And even then, you can decide whether the medical part is going to be a necessary part of your transition. If it is, and it's worth fighting for, then it is. If it's not, then it's not. You are who you are either way.

For me, the girl I am on the inside is worth it. She needs to be herself. She needs to be off the drugs my body has been giving me since puberty. She's not embarrassed about the fact that she has fantasized about having every other male bodied person's worst nightmare come true often since before she fantasized about sex. What girl would want to go through life like that? She is tired of what life has been doing to her ever since she hit puberty, she is tired of explaining herself endlessly, she doesn't care if the world understands or accepts her any more. She is just going to do something about her problems.

Before you started coming out, and did all this research, and learned about all the politics, and other people's experiences. That's the place I think anyone's decision should come from. From the days when we were in the closet, just being ourselves when no one was looking, dreaming of a day when we could be ourselves all the time, wanting to be okay with who we are.

That's what I've learned over the last five months. Just be authentic. There's no right way to be trans.

Once upon a time, they didn't let gay women like me medically transition. That's how arbitrary and silly these standards are. If someone is telling you something truly damaging, like transition should be either a suicide or transition solution, just tell yourself that their heart is in the right place, forgive them, but understand that there is exactly one person alive who has to live your life. Other people can't take the reigns and make all your decisions for you without hurting you more than whatever they think they are "protecting" you from.

 

The narrative that you should only transition when you can't live any longer in your present body and gender is bullshit. Despite all the hardship, its about what makes you happy, not about what you are driven to do to stave off sadness. Just my opinion.

 

Well...When I first started researching this and I came across this concept that it's either transition or death, I suddenly began to doubt whether I wanted to transition for the right/wrong reasons(I definitely want to transition) or if I should transition at all.(Which scared the crap out of me) I've definitely been desperate at times, and although I have perhaps contemplated suicide numerous times, I've never attempted it.

I don't think one should wait until it gets that bad! I mean how are you going to transition if you're struggling to just stay alive? Furthermore some people may not feel that dysphoric, but still want to transition, because as Cassie29 said it's more "Authentic."

This might, hypothetically, result in people who probably should transition staying as their assigned gender just because "Oh, well I'm not suicidal, so I shouldn't transition." I don't think that makes sense if they aren't comfortable with their body/gender. I mean what are they going to do? Live as some one they aren't just because they haven't thought about taking their own life? And suicide remember is an extreme thing!

So, this suicide vs transition is just to convey an idea that only "Extreme" people should transition because transition is seen as an "Extreme" act. I think this sucks....It sucks that others think it's "Extreme" for us to want to be authentic. So, therefore we need an "Extreme" measure placed upon us, in this case death, telling us whether we should transition or not.
Only you can say if you want to transition...No one else really matters and no one can place a measure on you dictating whether it's the right path in your particular situation. If you're sure you want it, go for it!

Didn't mean to rant...Aww, well.....