Ok, a few months ago I came to terms with my sexual orientation. I now identify as a lesbian. But this past month, I've been so confused about who I actually am. I've been having these thoughts about me wanting to be a guy. I always dress in guys clothes. I'll wear joggers and a hoodie or jeans and a t-shirt. Or if we're going somewhere posher I will wear a shirt. I won't ever wear anything other than that. I've never worn a dress or skirt, I don't like girls clothes at all. I was always so much more closer to my brother than my sister growing up and I always hung around with him and his friends than my sister and her friends. If my sister asked if I wanted to go out with her and her friends I'd always say no. I play guys sports like football/rugby/cricket etc. My mum tried to sign me up for dancing when I was 11 and I just lied and said I'd really hurt my foot to get out of it. I always got called a tomboy, and yeah ok I was. But looking back, is it more than that? Would I prefer to be a guy? My last (and first) same sex relationship I was effectively the guy. I was the one that bought the flowers, that would pay for the dates, I was the man of the relationship and I really liked this. I just don't know who I am anymore. I've gone back in the closet in terms of my sexual orientation. :bang: I was out to 3 friends but I said it was a phase after I started having these thoughts about wanting to be a guy. So I have no one to talk to about it. :icon_sad: I hope people can give me some advice :icon_sad: Thanks for reading
Lets see here, What do you mean by having thoughts about wanting to be guy? Does that mean that you began to see that you want to be a guy, or that you wondered it because of the things you enjoy are considered to things guys want/do? Or both.
Well, I feel the things I do are more guy things. I mean instead of doing my hair or make-up I'd much rather be playing the playstation/xbox. But I have also been confused about whether I actually want to be a male or not. I just don't know how I am meant to know. Coming to terms with being a lesbian was so hard and confusing, now I just don't have a clue. I don't know how I will know for sure who I am
So the question here is "how I will know for sure who I am". I struggle alot with this question. It bogs you down doesn't it? It's a very tough one to answer. The thing about these questions is that they take time. Me and you both knew something was up with our sexual identity right? But this one feels different for you, somehow. If you really want to know who you are, it takes time and patience. Try asking yourself this "Would I prefer people that talk about me when I'm not around to call me a guy, or a girl?" It's simple, and it's a start. Be gentle with yourself too. I'm sure someone who is trans* could probably answer you better.
There is a difference between doing "Guy" things and feeling like you should be a guy. Simply, because you like to do these things which society deems to be "Guy" things, doesn't necessarily mean you're trans*. However that's not to say you're not trans* either, there is also the possibility you're genderqueer or genderfluid, although from your posts it doesn't seem you ever identify as feminine(Am I right to think this?). Look back on your emotions/behavior/feelings and ask yourself "do I feel more like a girl or more like a boy?" Your emotions are perfectly valid to help inform you of your gender identity. From what you've said it seems likely that you probably are trans*, but no one, not me or anyone else could tell you for sure. Only you can be sure of it yourself, and it'll take some emotional/behavioral investigation. Doubt is something we all suffer from!! Consider pronouns! Do you ever feel like you dislike female pronouns? Or like male pronouns? Don't feel like you need to rush the answers, just take your time. Do you feel like a boy? Do you want to be a boy, not just because you like "Guy" things but because you genuinely feel like it's more authentic to the person you are inside? Gender is more of a scale, separate from assigned sex, it's just asking whether you lean a little more to the feminine side or masculine side. Hope I helped!
