I am a 15 year old biological female, however, I think that I could be transsexual. Ever since I can remember, I've been just like a boy. I've dressed like a male, I act like a male, I want to do male things all of the time. However, until just recently, I have never considered being transsexual. A lot of times in my life I have wondered why I was not born a boy, and wished that I had been. I forced myself to accept that I was a girl because I never thought it was possible to change. Some time ago, I met a girl online and ended up having a relationship with her, except I told her that I was male instead of female. I realized that I only felt comfortable with the person who treated me as a male. Recently, I admitted to her that I was a female, and in doing so, realized that I was no longer as happy, with her knowing my true gender, and considered that maybe I am transsexual. Now, I am arming myself with more knowledge about FtM transition, and the more I know about the possibilities, the more I want to become a male. When I have sexual fantasies, I have always thought of myself as the male, taking on a male role. When I read online about finding out whether you are transsexual, people say they are extremely unhappy with their bodies, feeling they are in the "wrong body" and that they experience depression, whereas I do not. The more I think about it, the more confused I become, and I'm becoming very frustrated with myself. I would appreciate some feedback especially from transmen who have gone through transition themselves.
Well I haven't gone through any form of transition, other than trying to pass off as male through gender expression. But I can try to be of some help, because I am a transman. I want you to know that Dysphoria comes in all different strengths. Each Trans* person expreiences their gender dysphoria differently. How do you feel about your genitals and stuff. Do you feel like something is missing? Like, there should be male parts down there instead of female parts? Above you said, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you don't feel like you're in the wrong body. If that's the case, I don't think you're a transman (FtM); but that doesn't mean you that you don't fall under the Transgender umbrella. Remember, transgender is an umbrella term, so maybe there's a different label somewhere in there for you that fits better. All in all, I really don't want to be the one who labels you. Only you know how you identify, and what label suits you.
Hey, I was in your position a few years ago. I'm a transitioned trans guy, so I hope I can help. First, let me say that experiencing dysphoria (the feelings of discomfort with one's body) is not a prerequisite for being transgender. I experienced it quite badly, but others did not, and that is fine. I would say that being trans has much more to do with what you are (a man) rather than what you aren't (a woman). In other words, if you know you are a man, it matters little whether you can't stand being female. As for what Niko said about feelings of being in the wrong body making you not a transman (how many negatives was that?), I don't know. You say you're a man and you want to transition, and thats enough for me. You haven't really specified what you want to know about transition, and you've done some research, so rather than just throwing information at you, I'll leave myself open to questions. Ask me whatever you need.
The more I know about this, the more I feel that I should be a man. I would definitely like to hear more about the experience of taking T and having top surgery, because I feel if I ever medically transition that this is what I would want to do.
Well, I was 15 when I first attempted to transition. We're in different parts of the world, so the process of getting a referral will be different, but the hormones themselves aren't particularly different. The doctors and medical authorities were complete arseholes because I wasn't 18, and they made things very difficult for me. Eventually, when I was 17, I got myself an appointment with a private consultant, who prescribed me hormones a month later. That was about 14 months ago. I was offered two different types of T, a gel you rub into your shoulders every day, or a massive injection into your ass. There is another type of injection, which is not in the ass, which was in short supply at the time. I chose the gel because, hello, massive ass injection. And because the levels of T were more consistent. I'm completely irresponsible lol, so I sometimes forget to take it, but it hasn't been too bad. So far, I've had my voice break (completely, I think, though I suppose it could get lower), an increase in body and facial hair (body hair complete, facial hair is just beginning, I think it can take up to two years), increase in muscle mass and some emotional changes, such as finding it really hard to cry, and being a teenager. Oh, and my clitoris is slowly increasing in size. If I weren't a weirdo, I'd also have stopped menstruating, but I never did that. I also started getting taller, but most people wouldn't. I haven't had top surgery yet (*sad face*), but if all goes to plan, I should get it in four months time, approximately. (*happy face*) I should know for sure on monday. I've attempted to get in a couple of times before, and it has fallen through, but this time I'm more confident. I was under 18 last time, you see. My surgery will consist of a bilateral mastectomy with a nipple graft, which is basically making a cut, taking out all of the breast tissue and fat, cutting out the excess skin, sewing it up, then replacing the nipple. As I understand it, I will have very limited movement of my upper arms for about 3 weeks afterwards, and I won't be able to do weight training/heavy lifting for longer than that. But I'll survive, top surgery is more important to me than the temporary inability to lift stuff. As for how the scars will look, that depends a lot on genetics. Having researched both sides of my family, I've concluded that my scars are likely to be very good. There is a risk of keloid or hypertrophic scars, which are more obvious. I may or may not get bottom surgery, its not really very important to me right now.
I agree with Hexagon. It's how a trans/cis person face their own emotions and how s/he deals with those. Someone could be real high in depression and someone else could be low or have none. Also it could differ through out life. With me diasphoria done same. I'd felt it more sometimes and never more time. It depends on how you see into and handle these things. Also hatred is not good asset so it's better not having it. Also it's better you have patience as it is now that you're trying learn about it. If you want to be your self, who you're really, don't try to be what others say they are like or that you'd got be like this to become this or that. It'd be only trying to get accepted by a said community or individuals. Even though no one's going to feel like you do or agree with you would not going to matter on who you're. You'd be you always, and you'll know you truth while you being honest to yourself. So best thing is to gather information, but open up to your mind and learn yourself with patience and empathy. Then you'd discover what you want - Who you're. Good luck!
Cere, I know how you feel. I've been perplexed by my body my entire life, too, except I'm 9 years older than you are. I still struggle with things like going to the gynecologist, which I avoid like the plague. I've been asked if I need birth control, and my first thought has always been, "But I'm not a woman. I can't get pregnant. Why are you offering that estrogen-based poison to me?" But then I remember that what people see when they look at me is still a girl and that my body does have the capacity to bear children, and it makes me extremely dysphoric. I have a hard time enjoying sex because I don't like my body. In spite of all that, however, I don't think I'll physically transition, at least not yet. I might transition socially, but I'm not even sure I want to do it yet. The fact of the matter is you're young, and you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do and what you're comfortable with. I wish you the best of luck. (*hug*)
