Hello forum, This is I think the third thread I have made regarding this subject. It confuses the hell out of me! What is wrong with me? I have never read about this, ever! The weirdness started at an early age. I was a girl, so I assumed I liked boys. I wrote a lot of stories. Also a lot of love stories. But the stories I wrote didn't contain heterosexuality, unless it didn't involve a main character. I could perfectly understand why Martin liked Damon, or that Eva liked Stephanie, but my heterosexual attempts failed and the characters ended up liking each other as best friends :') I wasn't influenced by anything, this was the way I thought. I even started dressing like a boy because I liked boys (not logical at all!). Turning 15, I still assumed I was heterosexual and started a long distance relationship with a guy. I only say him during holidays, so it wasn't (in my eyes) a 'serious' relationship. I was attracted to him though, not in love, but more or less sexually attracted. I didn't like the relationship though. I felt trapped, not in place, weird, I didn't like PDA and the sex was awkward, although I was physically aroused. I had recurring thoughts of me being a transgendered person because I figured out I could not cope with the heterosexuality of the relationship. He cheated on me twice, but for some reason I didn't care at all, because the only thing that could get messed up was our relationship, and I didn't care about that aspect at all. He was surprised he could tell me all about his ex girlfriends and I didn't seem to get upset. And yes, I wasn't even slightly upset. It simply didn't affect me. When we broke up, I considered being gay. I have always liked women and started dating one. I started loving being a woman, started working out, started wearing more make-up and dressing as feminine as I could. I told people I was gay. I am jealous when I hear that men like my girlfriend. I want to be the only one in her life. I want to do nice things for her and I want to show her off to the world. That seems more like a real relationship. Gay marriage is the only marriage that I can understand. After I figured I could be gay, I stopped rejecting the thought of getting married (which I previously always had done) Now there is a guy I have feelings for. It's been two days, and immediately the gender confusion is back :bang: I don't know why I don't like heterosexual relationships! Liking a guy should be enough! Why can't I just function in a heterosexual relationship :tantrum: I know I wouldn't care if we broke up and I wouldn't work for the relationship, yet I still can say that I like him. How to define myself? I don't want to be with men if they make me feel miserable about my identity, but I am still attracted to men and I can have strong feelings for them, so telling the world I am gay feels like lying. On the other hand I am certain heterosexual relationships don't work for me so telling people I'm bi feels useless. Are there more people who feel this way? I am kind of desperate.
WOW, this is exactly me. I always thought I was alone in this. I spent so long thinking I might be gay purely because the idea of a heterosexual relationship put me off. It's like you said: I'm attracted to guys. I can't deny that. But the idea of being a relationship with one is unattractive to me. I can't say I feel gender confusion but I can relate to pretty much everything else you're saying. I've been in relationships with guys and I just can't uphold them. I'm not invested enough. And it's as you said: Marrying a guy? Unappealing, really. But marrying a girl is an attractive concept. Yet I'm attracted to both - thus it's virtually impossible to find a 'label', as they say. I wish I could help you more. But know that you're not alone in this feeling. My advice would be to maybe test the waters, see if you're able to uphold a heterosexual relationship now that you've grown, and if not - date women! You don't need to feel an obligation to label yourself. As cheesy as it sounds, do what feels right to you and makes you happy.
Hey Laura, thanks for your support on my post. This new guy you have feelings for are they just physical or romantic as well? Because you said that you don't get jealous over guys and never really seem all that invested in the relationship with them and that's exactly how I am and I've never felt real romantic feelings for a guy, I think emotional attraction is the cause of jealousy and is what makes you care about the relationship. Also you mentioned on my post that you might be biromantic homosexual but maybe if you don't experience romantic feelings for guys you could actually be bisexual homoromantic.
I thought I was the only person that felt this. I was born male and don't have any interest in straight sex. I like women and hope to one day live as a woman so I can be a lesbian. I'd also like to know what I am. This sexuality things to confusing.
