question for all bisexuals

I think they tend to think that because some people use coming out as bi as a stepping stone to coming out as gay.

 

There are a tons of posts, threads and even youtube videos addressing biphobia.
People often say: Bi ppl are greedy, confused, undecided, which can be true for some, but not all.
Some things I've heard is that when a bi person is in a relationship, he/she's no longer bisexual.
Check out this video from a bi girl.
BISEXUALITY: MYTHS vs FACTS - YouTube

Also, I too have a more sexual connection with men and a more emotional one with women!

 

I've had friends and acquaintances say 'it's just a phase' or 'you're simply curious', while others have practically started treating me as a gay best friend. Multiple gay men have ignored the 'bisexual' part and began referring to/treating/seeing me as simply another gay man - mildly annoying, and best not contested. Of course, to many straight guys, I'm just another one of the hundred varieties of 'faggot', so no use explaining there.

The majority of people seem to take me on my word, though. If you appear confident and self-aware, they'll believe you and treat you accordingly and with respect. Since there aren't many 'out and proud' bisexual men, naturally, there's curiosity and fascination, which I don't mind at all. We need all the awareness we can get.

@Ettina It's called an egocentric fallacy. Perhaps it was more common in the past for gay men and lesbians to come out as bisexual, using it as a stepping stone, but today, with the loosening of shackles, I think your chances of seeing both genuine gays and bisexuals coming out are greater than ever before.

 

Oh also, I agree with Ettina, biphobia or bi skepticism may come from people using being bisexual as a stepping stone to say they are gay (which I'm totally fine about, coming out is difficult, and if that makes it easier, be our guest ) but also, people tend to think sexuality, as much as gender, is black or white, and they couldn't be more wrong, they are spectrums, big spectrums, and it's very complicated to classify each point in the spectrum.

---------- Post added 5th Jun 2013 at 04:15 PM ----------

YES! Totally, many people when I tell them I'm bi automatically assume I'm gay. Which annoys the crap out of me, cause it's not me, I'm not gay, but bisexual.<

Another thing people think is that, if you're bisexual, you have to be attracted in the same way, on the same level, and at the same time, to both genders. Which also is a big mistake, some bisexuals are, but I'm sure most aren't.

 

EXACTLY. This is a huge pet peeve of mine:

*friends see me in a relationship with a man*
So you're gay now?
*friends see me in a relationship with a woman*
Ah, so you're straight again.

No, you idiots, I'm still me, regardless of who I'm dating. I see male/female much the same as I see short/tall, dark/light, wavy hair/straight hair and shouldn't have to feel my choices invalidate my identity.

One of the more obnoxious perceptions is that bisexuals are attracted to everyone and anyone. No, not any more than gay people are attracted to all other same-sex people, or straight people are attracted to all opposite-sex people.

It's easier for me to physically find myself attracted to women, but on an emotional level, it's more common for men to have those qualities I find irresistible.

 

Yeah, there's that perception that bisexuals are hyper-sexed when it's just that they might be more versatile in their attractions.

The most disturbing thing, for bisexual men, is how bisexual women are really accepted by men and this has long been the case, whereas even in 2013, bisexual men are often, though not always, spurned by women who know the whole story. I don't understand the problem. Ok, so, as a woman, you find another woman's body stimulating. What's so wrong about a guy also finding a guy's body stimulating? If I find the YouTube of a few girls questioning a bisexual guy on a TV show, I'll post it.

---------- Post added 5th Jun 2013 at 01:22 PM ----------

No offense taken. A lot of people think this. What occurs in many cases is that there is a level of sexual attraction to both genders, with different levels of emotional attraction to the genders, which can be hard to reconcile, and sometimes little to no emotional attraction at all.

 

I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again: Straight men don't exactly accept bisexuals. A lot of them see us as living, breathing sex toys. As threesomes. As easy. There's a reason 1 out of every 2 bisexual woman are raped.

It's not acceptance, that's the hypersexual stigma. Objectification.

---------- Post added 5th Jun 2013 at 01:44 PM ----------

And to answer the OP's question. My mom thought I was going through a phase. Dunno if that counts.

 

I should say it differently. There are men who, in a committed relationship or even marriage, have or would accept a bisexual woman as a mate. Angelina Jolie is one such person, among many that are famous and ordinary women in the crowd. I feel that women are not as likely to accept a committed relationship with a bisexual man. I went on a date with a woman I really liked and she was REALLY concerned that I hadn't ever been married, and most guys sort of are by their mid-30s, and there were only a few and very guarded dates after that.

 

Yes, some of my friends think that I'm just in transition on the way to being fully gay. If so, it is taking it's sweet old time. :bang: I'm quite sure that I'm attracted to both sexes but not equally. Right now it's about forty percent for men and sixty percent for women. Those numbers tend to be fluid though.

 

Alright, I can see your point. Maybe it's more of... acceptance, but for all the wrong reasons? I mean, I know some straight men are cool with bisexual women as human beings rather than a fantasy, but I've had more than one man tell me that bisexual women aren't relationship material, implying that they would only have a casual relationship with one.

And yeah, it's a sad fact of reality that bisexual men are so discriminated against by people. I feel for you guys. (&&&)

 

im not out yet but I'm still pretty sure people will think im gay

 

Yep. That's what I see. And they have a problem with bi guys they'd be cool with - if they weren't bi.

 

i've been out as bi to 1 good friend and a few other "friends," and my mother and father for a few months. (sister and brother left to go) And none of them expected it from me at all. Now, I don't have the deepest voice or manliest body, but I do act a little feminine at times. I never talk about boys (because I don't want to make it overly obvious, and I don't know how to deal with a situation where I'm asked about my sexuality yet) But in return I never talk about girls. I wonder if people are having a hard time figuring it out?

Many times I just want to say: that dude is f***ing hot, but I just can't.
And I never really talk about this with my parents because they know it's a little embarrassing to me.

But to the point.. I am mostly gay, but I do like females a bit too. I have to tell people unless they are very sharp. So coming out so far has been a (positive) huge surprise to most.

 

I have had a fair few... "simple minded" people who said "How are you sure? Have you had a girlfriend? Have you kissed a girl?! Have you had sex with a girl?!?!" (I'm biologically female) after coming out as bi with previous boyfriends. I never had much hassle a few years later when I showed people how serious I was and how mature I was about it. Almost 4 years later and I'm pretty sure I still like boys and girls.

Simple minded people I refer to as people who I wish I'd never spoken to and don't want to interfere with ever again.

So, school children.

I think it's just a bit of a shock to some people, like if you saw an asteroid fall out of the sky, you wouldn't be all "Cool.", like if it's a first time thing, first encounter with a bisexual, then I can understand.

 

I thought I was bi at first, but that is because I am married to a man. I first had to accept that I am sexually attracted to women and work from there.

I am worried that when I do fully come out, my family will assume I am bi.