I don't why but It's just, I wish I never questioned my sexuality because then, I wouldn't have to put up with Being scared to come out to people. My life seemed so much easier when i didn't question my sexuality and even though, I am not questioning anymore, I still have to deal with the whole acceptance part And I don't know. I know that I can come out when I want to but Whenever, I do come out. I instantly regret it. For instance. i ended up telling this guy next to me about something that had to do with sexual orientation ...and he was like "Are you Bi?" and I didn't know what to say but i ended up saying yes out of panic, I don't classify myself as bisexual at the moment but regardless i told him not to say anything and i felt embarrassed then he was like "I don't care, I'm use to it especially in this school" that made me feel 10 times worse because then I felt like I was a common denominator in way....and i felt like....fake....i regretted telling him and ever since then, I just wish I never questioned. it was so much easier. i didn't have to deal with this kind of regret. it made me not want to come out to anyone anymore because I feel like if i do, there going to think....I don't know what i'm talking about. I"m that girl who says she likes girls for attention and I just don't want to come out if everyone is going to think that. I can't say it to myself either. I can't even say "I like girls" proudly....I feel, ....almost......I dont know how to describe it.....when i say it to myself, I feel embarrassed.....is that normal? I dont really know. How don't what's wrong but all i know is I wish i never questioned my sexuality then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. I dont know what to do anymore
You are not alone in what you're going through. Know this: there will come a time when you don't feel like this. You might consider seeking out others like you as friends. Seeing them comfortable as themselves might help you feel more comfortable as yourself. I know that seeing youtube videos of transguys further in their transition has helped me feel better about going forward with my own because I see how happy and comfortable with themselves they are. What might be a similar thing more about sexual orientation than gender identity that you could use?
I have a best friend who is out to everyone but that hasn't helped me. I am too scared for some reason. I can't talk about it with people.
For now then it might do you well to continue participating on EC and read blogs and stuff of that sort. With time you might find that you are comfortable enough to talk to your friend.
I can't talk about with anyone though. Its hard. I've tried those coming out stories and everything but i just don't have the courage
My advice would be to give yourself time. You need time to some to terms with it - some people longer than others. Don't beat yourself up too much. It's a process, even just coming to EC and reading other's stories and posting some of your own is a very good start. You'll be okay.
