For 6 years on and off, I've considered possibility that I'm not comfortable being female. I've had thoughts about it but immediately dismissed them. Now that I'm 19, I feel like I'm starting to accept that I might be male? I don't know how else to put this. I've put off looking into it at all. I even considered this to do with sexuality (as in maybe I'm craving male attention) but after forcing myself into an uncomfortable situation it's fairly obvious that is not the case. I have become outwardly more feminine to combat these emerging feelings inside my head. Now that I'm in a committed relationship with a girlfriend, it's only become harder to hide. I just... don't feel brave enough. I don't feel like I can take what sort of reaction I may get. It has taken my family 4 years to begin to accept me for my sexuality and I don't want to make anything worse. I decided tonight that I'm not happy with how I am and I needed to share that with... someone. I'm not sure where to go from here.
Alright. Let me see if I can impart a little advice. I'm a recently realized transman myself. Spent years forcing myself to become more feminine in the hopes that if I learned to like being a female, I'd be okay with it. In denial for years, chalked up the (admittedly little) dysphoria I had to having 'internalized misogyny.' Well. Became a feminist. Starting questioning my gender. Flash forward almost three months. I'm a guy. Happiest I've ever felt about myself. I mean, other than the boobs, but you win and lose some battles. So, you've realized that you're not a woman. You've crossed the bridge. It's natural, when you realize who you are, to question and worry. Fret about what everyone will think. Wonder if you'll ever be accepted. Doubt and doubt some more. We've all been there. I've been there. I think the best thing to do, at this point, is to own your identity. You're a guy, if that's how you feel. And there is nothing, no matter what anyone might say, wrong with being a transman. You are under no obligation to out yourself just yet. Accept yourself first, try and get comfortable with the possiblity that you're not the female you assumed you were. Take time. Figure it out. Eventually you will, even if it takes months of questioning. And when you know who you are and can be comfortable with your identity, then it'll be time to think about coming out.
Maybe try stop repressing your feeling through fear. Trust me i know how hard that is to do, but your never gonna be able to figure yourself out or come to terms with things if you put the feelings to the back of your mind all the time You may not be trans you never know, but just be open with yourself, use time and experiment with things to see where your most comfortable. Even try talking to your girlfriend, it might make you feel better. If your committed to her then you obviously care about her so don't you think she should know? Also if your gonnna be trying new things, like masculine clothes or a change in what happens during to sex to see how you feel then wouldn't it be better if she knew. Plus if she accepts it, she will most probably be a big support system for you when you start making bigger decisions
