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What's my title? Where's my box? I want one!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spurned, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. Spurned

    Spurned Guest

    This is about both gender and orientation, but orientation is giving me the biggest trouble at this time. I bet in five minutes, gender will be the biggest problem.

    I use the term “genderbender” to describe myself usually, which meant to me that someone of their own sex acted and dressed as the opposite sex, but didn’t want to become that sex. They didn’t want to go through the process of being the opposite sex, the surgery and hormones. Which I don’t. I wouldn’t mind taking T, but I'd like to remain with female genitalia. Okay, next line is... quite sexual, but I enjoy being penetrated (though the thought of having sex with guys hasn’t been very appealing recently, but I’ll get onto that later) and the thought of having a dick doesn’t make me happy. I'd like to be a dude with a vagina, or something.

    And recently, I’ve been doubting my "genderbender" title. If people ask me if I'm a boy or girl (because I look like a lot like a guy), how do I describe it? How do I keep the description of my gender in one sentence? I know people say "Don't label yourself" and "Don't rush" but I'm not a patient person, and if someone asks me, I want to keep it simple. I want to be put in a box, I want to belong somewhere and not feel like an outsider. For the first 15 years of my life, I've never belonged, and I want to belong somewhere, even if it's just a gender category.

    And since thinking about this, I’ve been thinking about my sexuality too. Like I said earlier, the thought of having sex with a guy isn’t as appealing anymore, but then again I’d rather have sex with them than be in a relationship with them. So I basically came out yesterday to myself that I’m at least a homoromantic bisexual. But, again, I've been thinking (it's all I ever do :grin:), what if I’m actually a lesbian? Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I mean I basically am, but I find guys attractive, though I wouldn’t really want to have sex with them, I just know when they're attractive (to me), personality-wise and look-wise. Just, what am I, lesbian, bisexual, a homoromantic bisexual?

    I feel I can't talk to anyone about it, and I really don't want to wait much longer to discover who I am. I'm impatient and I hate being confused, or lost. I don't like change, which I guess is why I stuck with the same labels for so long. Again, I wanna fit somewhere and be put into a category, I don't wanna be alone in feeling like this.

    Any feedback would be wonderful, and ask any questions you want. And thank you so much for reading. (*hug*)
     
  2. Ettina

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    Do you find guys just attractive, or sexually attractive?

    In other words, even if you don't want to actually have sex with a guy, do you ever feel sexually aroused while looking at a particularly attractive guy? Or is it more like if you were looking at an awesome painting or something?
     
  3. smokey-knows-all

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    are you sexually attracted to guys or do you just get crushes on them? I get elementary school crushes on guys sometimes where i follow them like a dumbass but i never really want to do anything with them.
     
  4. biggayguy

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    From your description it sounds like you're a lesbian that likes to be around guys. If you were bisexual you would want sex with guys as well. That's JMO. Don't let me label you either. You'll know the right label when you are ready.
     
  5. Spurned

    Spurned Guest

    Just attractive, I can see like why people would want to have sex with them, though I don't really wanna have sex with them myself. There's one guy (a YouTuber, obviously. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) I would make an exception for, but that's it. I don't feel too aroused, but it's mostly YouTubers that I'm attracted to so I wouldn't know in the flesh. >.< Thanks for the reply!

    It's not a crush really and I don't feel entirely sexually attracted to them, but I understand why you would be, you know? Thank you!

    Thank you biguy! Yeah, my friends at my LGBT Group (my only friends minus one or two from school) are all guys ironically, but I don't feel attracted to them. They're nice mates, but I don't feel like I want them in any other way than friends. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Krilky

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    Ha, you just described me! I'm cisgender, but I will almost certainly bottom when my first time comes, I wish there were a more naturally designated hole for gay sex, I don't like this workaround method.

    Anyway, I'll stop talking about me and start talking about you.
    We're actually alike in another way, we're both homoromantic bisexual. I find women sexually attractive, but as far as a relationship with one, no way! Since I'm not a huge fan of the one-night-stand hookup lifestyle, that makes me gay, because there's no situation in which I'd sleep with a woman.

    Now for gender. I describe myself as cisgender, despite the aforementioned vagina thing. I'm like 10% transgender, but that's close enough to be cisgender. You sound 90% transgender, so you're transgender. But transgender doesn't mean you actually want to switch, it means that if you could switch free of consequences you would spend more time as a man.
    At least I think.
     
  7. FemCasanova

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    Hi!

    A lot of people use gender-queer. A friend described it as "existing outside the borders of gender norms" and "...gender fluid, a healthy dose of both genders in a female body"

    Other than that, if you do feel the most comfortable with presenting male as your gender, the transgender term still applies. At least trans* does, gender-queer is under that umbrella term as well. So, you could be trans*, but with no interest in changing your body physically. My GF has quite a few transgender (FtM) friends and some of those whom I have talked with have stated that they are dudes, just not very interested in changing out their genitalia. Like you write, they are happy being dudes with vaginae. One of her other friends on the other hand is desperately wanting to go through with the surgery, and really wants to have a penis, but is too afraid of a failed operation. They all (in that friend group) identify the same way, but they have different opinions/needs when it comes to changing their gender physically. A last friend presents like a boy, but feels neither male nor female, but rather a bit of both. She presents as male, has a female sex, and doesn`t care which pronouns you use. She`s just as happy with he as with she, it`s completely irrelevant to her. I use female pronouns due to her name being feminine, so it`s just a habit. If I saw her on the street, I would probably think "he". She uses the term intersex.

    Found this gender-queer definition somewhere and liked it.

    Genderqueer. This term represents a blurring of the lines around gender identity and sexual orientation. Genderqueer individuals typically reject notions of static categories of gender and embrace a fluidity of gender identity and sexual orientation.
     
  8. Spurned

    Spurned Guest

    I can feel (not literally, I'm an anal virgin so far!) what you mean about the designated hole! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    That sounds pretty much like me, I just see attractive men (women in your case) and understand why they're attractive but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them or go on to have sex. I'd kiss them in a Kiss The Bottle Spin game, but that's just a game and (to me) it doesn't mean much. :icon_bigg

    That's an interesting definition, I've never heard of it that way before. But to be honest, all the definitions of anything trans*/trans/etc has been extremely complicated and I don't understand the internet's definitions of the word. I'm a simple person. I'm the person who uses "Simple English" on Wikipedia :lol:

    What is meant by healthy dose? I am literally male apart from the fact of my "penetration wants" and I feel proud of how big my boobs are sometimes. Go, go boobies! :grin:

    The last friend seems a little like me, but I feel waaaay more male than female. :lol: I don't mind what people call me, he or she or it or whatever they want, but I want a sentence to describe me is all. Intersex sounds a good term, but I can see people thinking I have the condition. I can see that being difficult to get out of! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: But it's given me more to think about. :slight_smile:

    That took me a minute to work out with the words "notions" "static categories" and "fluidity", I hate being so simple ._. But that's an awesome definition. ^.^

    Recently discovered "BoyGirl" or "GirlBoy" which sounds interesting, but I can't find much about it. Thank you both so much for your replies!

    Also, I'm confused what binary/non-binary is. I came across it but I didn't understand the complicated definitions when I'm probably just being a moron. :dry: I don't know if it's to do with pronouns or not, but could anyone explain it to me? I feel so silly. ._.
     
  9. Spurned

    Spurned Guest

    I should also add I'm trying to get a sports bra as a sort of make-shift binder, but my parents want to know why and refuse to buy me one. They're expensive so I can't get one myself. What can I tell them? I also don't do ANY sports and I'm not getting active, they know that.
     
  10. Ettina

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    Binary gender = male or female

    Non-binary gender = everyone else

    The terms comes from society's feeling that there are only two genders and you must be one of the other. If you can fit your identity readily into one or the other category (even if it's not the one you were assigned at birth) then your gender is binary.
     
  11. Spurned

    Spurned Guest

    Thank you!
     
  12. Krilky

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    I don't want to be THAT GUY but:
    If you want a sports bra, you should join an athletic team! It's a good way to stay healthy and live longer, and especially since you mentioned in another thread that you smoke, it will help mitigate the effects of that.