I'm ftm questioning but i'm not out to anybody yet. I started questioning in september when my best friend came out as ftm transgender. I had no idea what that meant so researched and that lead to me questioning. I have never been particularily feminine so i haven't really changed what I wear or anything as I mostly wore guys clothes. Yesterday my mum started asking me if I am ok because I have been quite for several months and because i didn't really answer she started asking more questions and she asked if i thought i was transgender. I just shrugged in reply to most of her questions. She is telling me that she doesn't think I am because I was never vocal about it when I was younger. She keeps trying to talk to me but I can't talk to her about it, ive never been able to express what i'm feeling in words, so she says either I get counselling or try to act more like a girl. Basically I don't know what to do. I know she is just trying to help but i don't know how to respond. Last time someone tried to help me I actively avoided them for a few months till they gave up. I don't want to do anything untill I have spoken to my friend but I can't bring myself to talk to him, i have tried but i just can't. Any advice would really be appreciated thanks
Take her up on that offer of counseling. Therapy is a good thing for pretty much everyone, but for Trans folk it's often a required step towards transition. Don't worry about not knowing how to talk about what you're feeling, hell I even suggest opening with that so your therapist can help you learn to express yourself.
Word for word that was the same thing that popped into my mind. Your mom is also trying to process the possibilities. The stages are: Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance By giving you an ultimatum, and by saying you can't be ftm because you didn't say anything as a kid (which btw is not criteria, I didn't either), it definitely sounds like she's in the bargaining stage. If she's willing to talk to you then I would try to talk to her about it. It really helps to be open with those close to you. It took me until I was 19 to start talking with my mum because I thought she might take it badly and I really regret that I didn't start talking to her sooner.
Keep in mind that the stages don't necessarily come in that order, however. It varies from individual to individual.
^This. It's so true. I'm seeing a therapist, and that's working out very well for me. I highly recommend it. Your mom sounds like my parents, always asking me why I want to look like a boy. I actually just told my parents that I do it because it's comfortable and low-maintenance. That's the only thing I can think to tell them without them going all churchy on my ass. I wish you the best of luck.
Alright, deep breaths Yamato. I know exactly how you feel. I have a horrible time expressing my emotions to people face-to-face, and hell - I have a hard time asking for help even on forums like this completely anonymously. However, there is some good news here. First, your mother knows and she didn't react overly negative. It seems like she's still trying to process the information, but she's seems to want to be helpful and supportive of you. This is fantastic news. Although you weren't ready to come out, you've crossed an important hurtle. Congratulations. Second, the offer of getting you therapy is very helpful and important. Whether or not you decide you want to transition or not getting into therapy can be helpful in sorting out what you're feeling and thinking. If you do decide you want to transition this is an important step in that direction as therapy is usually required. Finally, you don't have to want to dress up like a girl or even "act girly" to be trans. This is a misconception based on stereotypes of gender expression. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go around wearing t-shirts and jeans. Look around you, there are plenty of cis-women who act and dress exactly like that. Gender expression is separate from gender identity. I do not think this is as bad as you think.
Thanks everyone, i will take up her offer for counselling but I need to talk to my friend about it now. I wanted him to be the first to know but I have no idea what to say.
