I'm a 18 year old male and about a month ago i was watching this video on YouTube and it had a transsexual on it so then i started to wonder what it looked like so i went and watched transsexual porn and got aroused and masturbated after that i started to think to myself if i was gay so i went and tried to watch gay porn and all it did was freaked me out before i would just think of women all day and think about having sex with them i mean i've been liking girls since i was 4 and now i keep getting these thoughts in my head about men and it scares me it's like i can't get these thought out of my head I've always been attracted to women and aroused by women it's like now i can't even be around my guy friends without thinking if im attracted to them it makes me so uncomfortable i feel like im going crazy im a really depressed person I've never gotten over things i always over think everything this just won't get out of my head it's really scaring me im still a virgin and i don't want my first time to be with a man all I've ever wanted was a wife and kids i just can't see myself with a man and i know some of you are going to say im in denial but how can i be in denial if I've never liked men nor have i ever wanted to be with men the more i think of this the more i start to get scared and believe it im afraid to go outside now i don't have anything against gay people i just don't think that is the life for me i feel like im losing my mind in the past I've thought about committing suicide because of depression and every time i try to think about losing my virginity to a women now i think to myself what if i don't like it these thoughts are really messing with my head and freaking me out I've never even been attracted to men all these thought are just making me depressed i still love women i just don't know what's going on with me i also think to myself what if i finally get married and have kids and these thoughts come back also when i was little like 8 year old me and another boy touched each other privates this makes me also depressed because i can't get that memory out of my head either alot of people are on yahoo answers said im bi curious but i don't really get that i mean how can i be bi curious if I've never had any desire to be with men and i don't now before i saw the transsexual porn i used to look at guys and just think of them as just guys nothing more now it's this constant thought of am i attracted to this guy because i am looking at him sure i've seen attractive guys but i never wanted to be with them i just wanted to be like them sometimes i calm down and know im straight because I've always been attracted to girls even before the incident happened when i was 8 I've never even pictured myself with a man and now i try and think of situations with men i never get an erection i just get this weird feeling i get scared in i just don't know what to do anymore i don't want to experiment and i don't want to be bi curious i just want to be me who i was before i saw transsexual porn i mean me liking girls felt natural the attraction felt natural all of it but these thought that i have now don't feel that way they just feel unnatural by the way i don't have anything against so am i just in denial of being gay or bi by the way i've just recently forced myself to masturbate to tranny porn again and i wasn't even turned on this time what does that mean i feel like i can't stop testing myself even when i try to think about a situation with a man it's just so weird but as with a women i have no problem it's like i force myself when i try and think of a situation with a man does that mean im indenial also ? By the way i don't have anything against homosexual or bisexual people so i am sincerely sorry if i've offended anyone here at EC
Sorry to be the one to say it, but that huge brick came off as panicked rambling. You probably need to relax and consider that attraction to other guys doesn't mean you have to give up attraction and desire for women. Sexuality shifts and evolves for some, and in a transitional period, it can be really disruptive and confusing. The best you can do is just roll with it. You like whom you like, and shouldn't feel ashamed or as if you are losing anything. Even if you end up feeling less and less for females, marrying one and trying to have a family will only lead to heartache, so you realistically should pursue guys. But maybe it's actually just a phase, and you will settle down somewhere around 1-2 on the Kinsey Scale (meaning still mostly straight) and won't have to worry about your life turning upside down. So on a more casual note, hi, and welcome. I hope talking on here can help you sort out your brain hehe.
Obviously this experience with transsexual porn triggered some sort of HOCD causing you to obsess over clearly non-existent gay attraction. But rest assured: transwomen are WOMEN and it is perfectly normal and natural to find women of trans backgrounds attractive. There is absolutely NOTHING gay about it and if you don't believe me go and ask the gay boys on here if they are attracted to me - you will get a no, cuz I am just a girl born with the wroong parts. Being attracted to transgirls = being attracted to girls = being straight.
Took me a while to process your post. Talk about a big wall of text. First take a breath and calm down. Every thing will be ok. Yahoo Answers isin't the best source of information. I fully concur with StefaniW. I think what happened here is that you ventured a little outside your normal comfort zone, and freaked out. What you found here is that contrary to popular opinion, is that Trans-Girls are just as much Girls as Cisgendered Girls. So from what you have said, you sound straight to me.
Calm down. The first thing you gotta do is STOP testing yourself. That's just gonna make things worse. Minds are extremely powerful, and you gotta be careful. I've been there, and it can get bad, believe me. Now, I know this is going to be super hard for you, but you gotta try to make these thoughts aside, sure they'll be there with you, but just brush them away, sounds impossible I know, but you can, ignore them, just think "its just my mind playing me tricks". You see, when you try yourself, you are already predetermined to fail, like you think: "I'm going to look at this and not like it", its going to be the other way around. In OCD terms that's called reassurance, and you wanna stay away from that. Now, I'm not saying you got HOCD or anything, I'm not saying you are in denial either, it could be any of them, and its impossible for me or any other poster here to tell you that. You will eventually find out yourself. I only want you to be calm to be able to realize what are you trully feeling and what is just your mind playing with you. Best of luck.
You seem to be having a lot of anxiety from this and I can tell you I had a similar experience, I read something online about being attracted to girls and I started looking up other info and some porn. I am pretty sure I'm gay at least bi leaning gay but I know people who have a moment like yours and mine but end up being very , very straight. Really theres no need to worry you seem, to me at least, to be straight, transgirls are girls, no bones about it. If you watched trans porn and were aroused then there's no worries because as StefaniW said: being attracted to transgirls = being attracted to girls = being straight, so deep breaths and you're going to be fine.
