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I'm not sure who I am or how to accept myself

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by IMightBeRebecca, Jun 24, 2013.

  1. I know that nobody except me can determine my sexuality completely satisfactorily, but I'm so confused right now that I think it might help if I got some feedback from strangers who can freely judge me without consequence to at least point me in the right direction.

    As a disclaimer, I am also a bit confused about my gender identity, hence my username and my gender identity of "gender confused," but I am male assigned at birth and for all intents and purposes, consider me male (for now, at least). I've also posted this elsewhere before, but I'd like to get as much feedback as I can.

    Anyway, here's some information about me:

    I'm 19 years old, and I've been almost obsessively questioning my sexuality for the past 6 (maybe 7) years or so. In that time, I've developed crushes on 13 different women, one of whom I dated for almost two years. As for men, I don't know many openly gay men, so I haven't had many opportunities to develop feelings for any of them, but I thought one of the gay men I knew in high school was pretty cute.

    I've been observing myself pretty closely lately, and one thing I've noticed is that I rarely ever notice an attractive woman unless she flirts with me or does anything that would otherwise make me feel like I have a chance, in which case I tend to feel very much attracted to her (this may just be a confidence issue). Sometimes when I'm in public, though, I'll see a guy and catch myself thinking things like, "he's cute," "he's attractive," "he has pretty eyes," or "he's hot." To get an idea of the frequency of these thoughts, I was out for about 3 hours yesterday and I caught myself thinking these things about two different guys during this time.

    To give an idea of what I fantasize about when I am aroused, of the 28 porn viewing sessions I've had in the past 6 months, 50% was gay porn, 25% was straight or lesbian porn, and 25% was porn featuring a man and a pre-op transwoman. The reason I make the distinction between the straight porn and the porn featuring a pre-op transwoman is because I recall that I was fantasizing about being the transwoman rather than being the man about half of the time.

    I've also noticed that, while I don't often fantasize about women when I'm alone, I tend to enjoy real-life experiences with women pretty thoroughly.

    I haven't had any real-life sexual experiences with men, but I think if I were hypothetically approached for sex by either of the guys I was checking out yesterday (and they were clean, of course), I would let it happen.

    With that information, what do you think my sexuality might be? Do you think I'm gay? Straight? Bisexual? If you think I'm bisexual, which gender do you think I would come to prefer?
     
  2. sweetu

    sweetu Guest

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    well first you must accept yourself, then see what fantazies you and then you experiment and accept your decision
     
  3. clockworkfox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Some people
    It sounds like you might be bisexual to me, because it seems like your attraction runs pretty high on both ends of the spectrum, but of course I can't say for sure - I'm not you! I couldn't say who you'd prefer, either, that's the sort of thing you'll need to learn over time.