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can someone explain what a soft butch is?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by phoenixverde, Jun 25, 2013.

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  1. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    I don't know how reliable my sources are.
     
    #1 phoenixverde, Jun 25, 2013
  2. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    I am still awake so I might as well type out an explanation.

    I have never been much of a girly girl. I wear some make-up, but it is always bare minimum. My nails are always short and rarely painted. I prefer jeans and sleeveless shirts or workout clothes. I like a lot of stuff that is considered guyish. I know that these are stupid gender roles forced on us by society, but it feels like more than that. I don't feel like I have gender identity issues...I love being a girl. But I want to take on more of those guy roles. I want to mow the lawn and build things. I would love to have a workshop with tools and things set up so I can build my own furniture and create things. I want to take care of a woman. Most of my sexual desires center around what I want to do to a woman. I know I am the type that will take the lead in the bedroom.

    I cut my hair a while back. It is a long pixie. I feel like I have to grow it out so I can balance out my boyish tendencies, but it just isn't me. I LOVE my hair short. Realizing I am a lesbian has felt like a total identity shift. Most of the shift has been things making sense and then some of it, like feeling like I might be a soft butch, is just confusing. If I had to pick a word for it, I'd say tomboy. I like wearing some skirts and dresses and when I marry the woman of my dreams, I want to wear a bohemian wedding dress with lots of lace.

    I know labels don't matter, but on dating sites you have people looking for a butch or a femme. I don't feel like I am either one. I know I am more on the butch side of things, but I just don't know.

    help?
     
    #2 phoenixverde, Jun 25, 2013
  3. introspective

    introspective
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    u are who u are. a butch just means your a tomboy hard means extremely, soft means just minor (you dont wear skirts) femme means u do.
     
    #3 introspective, Jun 25, 2013
  4. cfoster59

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    When I think of the term 'soft butch', I tend to think of Ellen DeGeneres.
     
    #4 cfoster59, Jun 25, 2013
  5. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    Okay. She is cool.
     
    #5 phoenixverde, Jun 26, 2013
  6. gravechild

    gravechild
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    Katherine Moennig, Michelle Wolff, Melanie from QAF seem to be around that category, though I sometimes have a tough time differentiation soft butch and androgynous. It's as much as identity as it is expression, so if it radiates it fits.

    Ironically, this ic very close to the category of women I've always found more appealing - too bad they were never attracted back! :lol:
     
    #6 gravechild, Jun 26, 2013
  7. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    I have read that androgyny is part of it.

    I think I would describe myself on the femme side of soft butch. More just a tomboy.
     
    #7 phoenixverde, Jun 26, 2013
  8. Jingle

    Jingle
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    I'm the same way! Glad to know there are others!
     
    #8 Jingle, Jun 26, 2013
  9. ladyneko13

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    :newcolor: you're a total boi! a boi is a perfect balance between butch & femme. sometimes you might be mistaken for a guy, some times you might look like a cute little baby doll. oh, and EVERYONE loves bois. we're like the crown jewl of lesbian-ness!
     
    #9 ladyneko13, Jun 27, 2013
  10. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    Really? awesome!

    (!)
     
    #10 phoenixverde, Jun 27, 2013
  11. Tightrope

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    I only learned the word when I was bored and scanning the personals in another city's weekly throw-away. I just looked it up. It's not set in stone. Some of the attributes can be there, and some not.

    I mentioned this in a thread about parents never asking the big question, about these two women who lived with their mom until she passed away. When I first met them, I was young and none of this would have registered. As I became more perceptive, I noticed that they both always wore the same type of slacks, utilitarian shoes, solid colored dark sweatshirts, little to no make-up, little to no jewelry, and had short boyish brunette hairstyles. The reference I read (maybe wiki) indicated that it's a middle ground position where they are not butch, but at the same time not femme, to avoid being the endpoints that didn't represent them, and are able to function in mainstream sorts of roles. They worked in office type jobs their whole lives and did not appear to have any issues in the workplace. Lucky them.
     
    #11 Tightrope, Jun 27, 2013
  12. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    Cool. Thanks for the info.
     
    #12 phoenixverde, Jun 27, 2013
  13. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    #13 Tightrope, Jun 27, 2013
  14. SusanaB

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    Ellen Degeneres
     
    #14 SusanaB, Jul 17, 2013
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