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Help me understand what bi, trans etc people feel

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Rice and Pepper, Jun 30, 2013.

  1. Rice and Pepper

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    Recently I have been feeling really comfortable with my orientation (that is me being gay), so I have let my guards down as far as being openminded and politically correct is considered. So I caught myself having negative thoughts about feminine gay men. I felt really bad about that, because I thought that I was nothing more than those stupid bullies. As a result, I am now trying to tackle all of the stereotypes I have accumulated so far and I need your help to explain some things to me.
    The questions below are of pure ignorance and curiosity, and under no circumstances do I want to offend anyone.

    1)
    I can understand that feminine men and masculine women feel express themselves better when they behave that way (or not?). But why do trans people want to change their gender? Is that an extreme manifestation of homosexuality (they don't just like the same gender, they want to be the opposite gender)? Or is it related to some sort of discomfort with their own gender and has nothing to do with orientation? I have also understood that in order to change your gender, you have to go through a long process (correct me if I am wrong). So what's that so strong motivation that compells them to change their gender.
    By the way, I have read the sticky post about sex identity, so I pretty much expect what the answers about this will be, but I would like to hear it from someone in real time and reassure I have understood correctly.


    2)
    How do bi people feel? Do they like both women and men? Do they do so because, apart from other factors, they have an additional lust too? Do they distinguish the two genders or is it indifferent to them whether their lover is a man or a woman? Do they just get turned on by both genders? Can they control their attraction and pick the gender of their lover, or is it random? Is the whole bi thing sexual (eg sheer boner) or emotional (butterflies in stomach)?

    3)
    If bisexuals do distinguish genders, what about those who don't? How can they not see any difference? Is it a form of romanticism, a way of thinking? Is it a transitional stage until they decide what their true orientation?

    4)
    What are asexual people? Are they not interested in having sex? So is it a choice they make? Or are they physically incapable of being turned on? Can they have sex anyway?

    I know most of these questions are hard to answer. If anyone were to ask me why I am gay, or how do I feel being gay, I wouldn't know what to say. I'd like to have an example, maybe from your personal experience, in case you have to guts to answer. It would really help me understand.

    Thank you in advance, and please, I had no intention whatsoever of insulting anyone.
     
  2. Eatthechildren

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    1) not all trans people are gender-comforming. You can be a butch trans woman just as you can be a butch cis woman (cis is someone who is not trans. you're a cis male). It's about what gender you identify with, and how you want to express it. I'm sure someone else can explain this better than me ^^
    2) I do like men and women. I also am attracted to genders that are not male or female. My definition on Bisexuality is "Attraction to same and other genders". This means I am attracted to non-binary people (Such as myself), and binary gendered people. However, this could also be interpreted as attraction as people who I will be read as straight with (People who are read as Cis-male, such as my partner) and people who I will be read as gay with (People who are read as Cis-female).
    To me, Bisexuality is more about not caring about gender. I don't choose who I'm attracted to, just as gay or straight people can't choose. To me gender is as insignificant a factor as hair colour. It's both sexual and romantic, because I am Bisexual and Biromantic.
    3) Bisexuality is my true orientation. I have always and will always be this way.
    4) Asexual people do not experience sexual attraction. They can experience romantic attraction, or be aromantic and not experience that either. It is not a choice. Some asexual people can be turned on and have sex, but this has nothing to do with what the person they are with looks like. Others have no interest.
     
  3. Holly

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    I can't help you when it comes to trans* discussions or asexual discussions. I have a reasonable knowledge about them, but I don't think it's right for me to pass opinions on them. But I believe I can help shed some light on bisexuality.

    Being bisexual is exactly like being gay. You feel the exact same feelings as, for example, you would feel towards a guy, they are just feel it to both genders. Have you had a look at the Kinsey Scale? This highlights bisexuality and the feelings 'in between' straight and gay. Personally, when I identified as bisexual, I foundd the lust isn't 'additional', although I suppose I did have more people to look at. I can't generalise for all people, but I was rather perceptive with both genders. I liked them for different qualities. I base a lot of my sexuality on emotional feeling, perhaps more so than sexually, but most bisexual people are turned on by both genders. It's just like you being turned on by guys, just for both genders.

    I think attraction is anything but 'random' when discussing it. I definitely have a 'type', and you probably do too. This is the exact same with bisexuality.

    You final line in question 2 bothers me a bit. Why should their love not be emotional? They have the EXACT same love as anyone else, they're just open to both genders.

    Although I personally did distinguish between genders, I think to an extent, people have to distinguish. Men and women are different, but I found a definite 'disregard' for the gender concerning my attraction. Yes, I was aware of them, but seeing as I liked both, why would it make a difference?

    It's interesting. I believe you're thinking them as COMPLETELY different to you, and I'm honestly not sure why. They're no different to gay or straight people. They love, exactly like you and I, just they do so with both genders.

    As for transitional, I think it varies between people. Personally, I labelled myself as bisexual, but now I am considering myself a lesbian. Why? I think part of me wasn't ready to admit I'm not attracted to men, but I knew that when I did label myself bisexual, it was the right one for me at the time. Sexuality is fluid, it fluctuates. I've always had a 'preference' for women, as the Kinsey Scale suggests (I'm Kinsey 5), but I used to be roughly equal. I know people who are happily equal, and have labelled themselves as bisexual for all their lives.

    I hope this clears some stuff up to you. In my opinion, you should stop differentiating them so much. Bisexual people are just like everyone else, just like you. They just like both genders.
     
  4. Rice and Pepper

    Regular Member

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    Hm. The distinction between bisexual and biromantic is really helpful. I think I get it. You got asexuality well covered too. Thanks!



    I am trying to ask even the most self-evident questions, because I want to have everything completely clear in my mind, so I emphasize too much even on awkward, seemingly useless details. The more obsessive my questions are, the better and more reassuring the answers will be.

    Nevertheless, I distinguish emotional and sexual attraction because I myself determine my orientation based on that. I have fallen in love with a girl before, I have even asked one to become my girlfriend (that was before realizing I was gay, but now that I look back I think it doesn't really matter), but it was only emotional love. Now that I am aware of my homosexuality, I still feel sometimes love for girls, but I can tell that there is no sexual attraction. In fact, when I imagine me kissing a girl, I get turned off, or at least feel really strange. On the other hand, I can get instantly aroused just looking at a hot guy and I've had several crushes with men too. Therefore, I define myself as gay.

    To make things simple, I believe it is the sexual attraction that mostly determines your sexuality, because it is much simple and straightforward compared to the emotional attraction. I think emotional attraction is a matter of nurture too, and not just nature.

    It's like eatthechildren said biromantic and bisexual. I think emotions and sexuality are two different domains.